to not want another baby?

[alexashine]

DH really wants us to have another baby. Its all he talks about. We already have a 3-year-old DD and, yeah, I would someday like another but DH's job is the problem.

He is away a lot, often we don't see eachother for a week or so, and when he is at home he's still working/training/on the phone. He hardly ever sees DD or gets to spend any proper time with her. Despite this, he is wonderful.

He suggested we have another, I said no as looking after DD practically on my own was enough. He then got MIL involved, telling her to 'have a talk with' me to try and change my mind. She said "oh, go on, have another, it would be a brill anniversary present for me and FIL". WTF, it's a baby not a handbag.

So, I told DH that it wasn't happening, he's gone away for work and hasn't called me in two days. Now I feel like a total cow .

I think you need to talk to DH about compromise. If he wants another DC then he needs to get a job where he is there more. If not, he needs to find a way that you can both get on board. The ILs, it is none of their damn business and maybe (and this may not be your relationship) tell him that if your ILs are involved in the decision, the decision will be no. I would not negotiate at all if ILs were even told, consulted or involved.

It sounds to me as if DH is behaving very childishly - I'm put in mind of a small child begging for a cute darling puppy and then leaving all the care and feeding and boring/messy bits to mum once the novelty has worn off

As for the inlaws, they can talk about how much they'd like another grandbaby until they are blue in the face - it is none of their business and they shouldn't really be sticky beaking even if they have been invited to do so.

A planned baby should be the result of a jointly made decision just between you and your DH. You both seem to have a strong differing opinion though (YANBU btw to say you don't want another child yet) Is he so fixed on wanting another child that he just isn't taking in your reasoning about why you are not ready yet? Would he become less obsessed if you could come to a compromise of sorts? (ie you will try for another child when he is home more often)