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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"£110 pounds a week - that is outrageous!"

62 replies

Mists · 15/01/2011 21:43

Says my Dad.

About my three-bed in a social-housing (nice actually) estate. DH works and it is paid for btw before anyone starts Grin

I used to rent a two-bed for £800 per month eight years ago.

He is always on at DH and I to buy and I am always trying to tell him that it isn't like the seventies when you could buy a house for one Guinea two times your basic salary.

AIBU to GRRRRRR (that's me being articulate) at him?

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 15/01/2011 22:43

secretNutellaFix I looked into that, moving to a less favourable area but a cheap-as-chips mortgage, then I thought better as I would then be stuck in that house but it would be my debt. I'm better off here for now, at least it's the council's problem once I can move on (just waiting for Johnny Depp to come and rescue me Grin )

pink4ever · 15/01/2011 22:45

Sounds like my inlaws.Always making snidey comments about the fact that dh and I are struggling(even though he has good job).We cant afford to move as house needs alot of work doing to it and just dont have the money to spend on it at the moment.
They bang on and on about how "hard" they worked(mil not worked since she was 40!) to get where they are.I think it was more luck.Were the first people in their area to buy their council house.Made a good profit on it and then were able to use that to work their way up the housing ladder. Dh and I couldnt get a council house even if we wanted to as they are like gold dust!.
Sadly the only way I see out of our predicament is if we come in to for some inheritanceWink.

MollieO · 15/01/2011 22:48

OP if you have the greater earning capacity (which one of your posts implies) why don't you work and your dh stay at home? That way you would find it easier to save up for a deposit.

hatwoman · 15/01/2011 22:50

when I was at uni 20 odd years ago a 3-bed run down victorian house where the dining room was used as a bedroom to make it 4-bed would cost minimum £160 a week. I'm talking houses where you got ice on the inside of the windows, damp on the walls and one I remember where the bathroom fell into the kitchen one day.

Original poster
Mists · 15/01/2011 22:52

One thing I have never understood is that they have never had joint accounts.

DH and I know exactly what money is coming in from where and where it is going. Is that so strange? It is according to my parents. None of the others' business apparently! WTF? They are having their Golden Wedding this year!

My Dad has his "secret" debts still and my Mum is suffering from dementia now and thinks she has no money when it is all piling up in the bank.

So they are living on one pension, my Dad's.

I try to help God knows I do, with what spare cash I have and with my time.

But when I get the comments the blind fury comes and I turn to AIBU Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Mists · 15/01/2011 23:00

MollieO did you see the post saying that we are both almost forty and have have two disabled children one of whom is just three years old?

We're not spring chickens who had children in our twenties and have years to pay a mortgage off.

OP posts:
WhatsWrongWithYou · 15/01/2011 23:05

You hear these types on Radio2 phone-ins - the 'we worked hard to get where we are' generation.

I'm sure they worked hard - but their hard work is not what's quadrupled and more the price of the house they happen to be sitting in. Doesn't mean anyone who hasn't been as lucky as them isn't 'working hard.'

Violethill · 15/01/2011 23:07

I think what mollie was suggesting is that you could work and earn a more regular income and your dh could stay home. If you were paying 800 pounds rent 8 yrs ago then your earning capacity seems greater. You also mentioned your dh is self employed so I imagine his income is far less steady than a teaching salary. Tbh if you were paying 800 per Month rent previously, surely you could manage under 500 now ?

Original poster
Mists · 15/01/2011 23:17

Sorry Violethill I thought I made it clear that I was not paying £800 seven years ago. I was looking after my DD and housing benefit paid my rent. Right or wrong. She was in and out of hospital all that year and I had already given up work. I did teach as a single parent from when she was two months (OFSTED when I went back) until she was a year old.

Her condition made it impossible for me to continue because there was nobody to share the absent days with. So the house was lost and the career was lost.

This is really embarrassing to mention even though it was years ago and no fault of my own, stupid me Blush

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 15/01/2011 23:20

Mists don't be apologetic. There really should be no reason for you to explain why you were claiming HB, it's there for a very good reason. Few abuse the system, many more use it for it's intended purpose. Unfortunately the Daily Mail only report on the "single mother, faux DLA claiming, hoodie wearing, benefit cheating, scum" which makes genuine recipients, such as you and me, feel the need to justify ourselves.

It's not on. Life is not black and white.

Shewhoshallnotbenamed · 15/01/2011 23:22

*just to clarify - I no longer claim it, but did for approx 3 years

Violethill · 15/01/2011 23:23

Not sure why its embarrassing.

I didn't realise your rent was paid for you previously.

However, surely it would make sense now for you to be the one working if you could earn more than your dh ?

missalien · 15/01/2011 23:28

Mists its not embarrassing dont even go there. Parents of disabled children and disabled people are among the biggest and most hidden group of people in poverty. I was a lone parent for twelve years my son has a severe health condition , know exactly what you mean about having to drop everything and get to london asap! I have no idea how I managed to hold on to my job. Am in a relationship now with new baby too and we are about to leave this social housing behind at last cut can never afford to buy. This flat it making my son ill but we will never get a house instead pm have to give it up and go private rent but leave the area. The smoke noise violence lack of bedroom windows for my son. Its yuk. But appreciate its been our home.

missalien · 15/01/2011 23:29

Blooming predictive text ..

Original poster
Mists · 16/01/2011 00:08

Jesus missalien that sounds terrible Sad Hope things get better for you.

It is very difficult having children who are disabled. I will to go back to work when DS is at school full-time but I spend my days at the moment on his appointments, doing paperwork for appeals of one sort or another, research and therapy (ABA and precision teaching which have been very successful given that he has been granted no intervention on the NHS) and generally stopping him from killing himself which no child minder in my area would be insured for anyway.

This thread has gorn orf at tangents but that was to be expected. I've had good advice and it has made me think, about the future especially. it won't always be like this I hope. So thank you to everyone who responded and good luck to you all Smile

OP posts:
missalien · 16/01/2011 00:15

Is he on medication that makes him try to kill himself? My son was. Hard times. Its your home,your family. You are the best person to take care of them dont worry about work you obviously have your hands full. Snagation housing is for people like you.

MollieO · 16/01/2011 19:02

Mists you posted about wanting to buy but not being able to afford to save up a deposit because of your dh's salary being not enough to save from. You also stated that you have a greater earning capacity, hence my suggestion of your dh staying at home and you go out to work. Obviously no one is saying you must buy, but that is what you have said you would "love to do".

If you read my post I haven't suggested that both of you go out to work.

MoonGirl1981 · 16/01/2011 19:07

I pay £700 for a three bed (two bedrooms and what can only be used as a study - can't get a bed in there).

My dad bought his house in the 70s for £9K. He also doesn't get it!

spikeycow · 16/01/2011 19:10

That's really unfair. I have a 3 bed private rented, £1250 a month. Even with partial HB I have to dip into the rent fund to get gas and electric sometimes. It's disgusting that working poor in council housing are so much better off than the working poor in private houses. Absolutely disgraceful

Takeresponsibility · 16/01/2011 19:18

Back to the original post when stbx and I bought our last house (quite large it was to be sold on retirement to provide retirement income) my Mum saw the paperwork and nearly had a fit. She was terribly concerned that we would bankrupt ourselves paying the mortgage not being mean. In the end I had to point out that I paid more for my car than they had paid for their 4 bed detached and all things were relative.

Mind you I was muttering this morning that petrol was now over £6 a gallon!

tyler80 · 16/01/2011 19:19

"It's disgusting that working poor in council housing are so much better off than the working poor in private houses"

Without knowing where the OP lives I don't think you can assume that statement is true.

Where I live you can privately rent a 3 bed semi for around 450 a month

bumpsoon · 16/01/2011 19:21

gosh spikey that sounds alot ,where are you ? You are right though ,it is essentially wrong that people who are poor should have to pay wildy different rents , but then im sure you are not about to assume that the op should pay what you are paying ?

Hopelesslydisorganised · 16/01/2011 19:22

There is a massive shortage of social housing spiky - nothing to do with fairness sadly. I have just been housed in a 2 bedroom HA home as DS is ASD and I can only work part time as a result. I would consider myself working poor but am less working poor than those who through no fault of their own are obliged to rent in the private sector.

It isn't fair but until there's some investment in the social housing sector then the unfairness will continue.

noodle69 · 16/01/2011 19:24

'noodle it is very cheap I agree and to be honest your standards drop when you rent. The bathroom and kitchen are twenty years old and we have no way of updating them. You have to put up with things like that, it's the price you pay for cheap rent.'

Haha my standards are rock bottom lol. My flat is extremely damp and old but its just expensive area thats all.

spikeycow · 16/01/2011 19:25

I just don't care at this point TBH. It's just outrageous and sick. I'm in London and I can't move because I work here to make my landlords family comfortable Angry Angry