To be sad for dd on her birthday

[goingmadinthecountry]

Apparently I/we upset SIL a couple of weeks ago (I thought we were just discussing a local primary school and our differing views on it). She's now not talking to us. She's often not talking to people.

MIL obviously taken her side (if there is a side) and yeasterday was dd3's 7th birthday. SIL posted a card/money through the letterbox, but MIL/FIL didn't phone or call round. They live a mile away. No card, present, anything. DH is obviously not happy. Grrrr. Dh's brother and partner never send cards or phone either despite being godparents. Kind of feel dcs miss out a bit - they are definitely seen as the 2nd class grandchildren to SIL's children. Not that she didn't have a lovely day and a great party this morning - think it's dh I feel sorry for more. He finds it all a bit embarrassing I think.

Actually, feeling better for my rant.

oh dear! Just make sure your DH knows that his family don't reflect on him and that your DD has a fab day without them.

From the sound of her she's doing you a favour by not talking to you!

Do you feel able to call them on it ? When things like this happen do you challenge their behaviour at all ? Ok so SIL has a beef but your PIL's are out of order

Favouritism in GC is pretty normal from where I stand, only thing to do is ignore it and try not to let your DC feel it.

Definately don't let them upset you, if your SIL/PIL have anything to say to you let them say it to your face, it's shameful them taking it out on your little DD.

You're not missing much if that's the way they choose to behave.

Your PILs sound absolutely horrible.

It's not happened before (been married 23 years!) - FIL gets a bee in his bonnet sometimes but calms down after a day or so. FIL doesn't think women should have opinions so I think I'd make things worse if I say anything right now. Part of the problem is that I do challenge opinions (usually DM type Xenophobic, sexist 1970s opinions).

So they usually do send a present and card? Then why hasn't your DH phoned them up and told them that they have forgotten DD3 birthday, see what they say.

He was on his way round there after a youth club drop off last night, ended up wrecking a wheel on a big pot hole and never got there. Not happy about that! I imagine he'll call today. They've always been nice to me but obviously find me a bit problematical as I come from a very different background, and sometimes find it hard to keep my opinions to myself.

They normally turn up and bring a card/present (it's not the present btw, I know they are on a pension), staying for drinks or food. Just odd not to hear from them at all.

i know how it feels,no-one on my side of the family bothers with my boys xxxx

Do sils kids go to the school in question?Just being nosey...I mean even if they did there's no need for them all to bloody stomp off right on DDs Birthday!

I am gld DD had a nice party.

No - hers have left school. Her d is thinking of it for her son (SIL's grandson). About 8 miles from her house though. I worked there and removed my children for various ed issues (was told to mourn fact ds would never go to uni as he's dyslexic, dd1 would never make friends at sec school as she's too serious and academic, dd2 is the most difficult child, plus the bullying, mixed year groups (half of Y2 in with all Y3 and some of Y4. Btw, ds doing v well at grammar school Y9, dd1 has lots of friends and dd2 is apparently "charming" at school). There are lots more things. I know, I should mind my own business! But I'm passionate about education and how it can give you more choices in life.

Was simply pointing this out . A number of others have taken kids out of said school. I didn't realise I'd upset anyone at all. But then I'm used to discussing things with friends without falling out with them...

God no YABU...she sound a bit odd to reuse to lidsten to someone who has experience of the place!

Perhps her DD is SET on it for her DS and your SILS reaction is a symptom of her own concerns.

You know how when you feel powerless to chane something and someone points out a difficulty...then it's easy to freak.

goingmadinthecountry YANBU for being disappointed that your dd is being punished for your expression of an opinion on something which was your business. I would have thought it was helpful for you to share your experience. I suppose if you had told SIL what her DD must or must not do then that would be U and they would have been entitled to ask you to mind your own business.

Either way though, not your DD's fault.

God thats so sad . Can't imagine my PILs favouring any of their grandchildren over the others. They dote on them all and I love them for it.

I would want to call them on it personally...did you forget DDs bday? In reality I would probably ignore he lot of them and see how long before they pull their necks in.

FIL just rang the bell - no hello, just, Here's gd's card and present. The receipt's in the bag so you can change it if she doesn't like it."

Two fingers to them then - your dd had a great day & they missed it. Their loss

Oh stuff them. Really. It's their loss.

They hardly sound like fun and loving people to have around.

Posted before I was ready - dh was upatairs and followed him out. MIL not speaking as I upset her daughter and wouldn't let her get a word in. She's 48. And apparently we didn't send a Christmas card - we did, and posted it a week before Christmas but hey ho.

I'm sure dd1 would have liked gps to ask how her driving's going, how her exams went this week.

Dh says I shouldn't apologise as I didn't in fact say anything wrong, but it's upset me. Not sure they are good role model for my kids though.

Posted this on a different topic - when dh told his s that I was pregnant with no 4 at a family party (there's a 7 year gap), she said, "Oh, God, I'd get rid of it." We chose not to take her advice.

Excuse the rants - dh is annoyed enough with them without me going on to him about it, and I'm hardly going to involve the kids.

telling them post is still turning up from xmas,its been in our local paper everyday for the last week or so about how back logged the post is,card that were posted 3 weeks before xmas only just going through the letter box!

Dh said that - fil said but we're only up the road, like the postman hand delivers everything from the postbox! It was a special one designed by dd3 as well.

'"Oh, God, I'd get rid of it."'

I've heard some reactions to telling someone you're pregnant, but fucking hell!

How did your DH react to that gem?

I wasn't there. Apparently everyone looked at her embarrassed and aghast.

I'm not thin or pretty and I have opinions so I'm afraid I'll never fit in.

Actually, dd3 hasn't even mentioned it so I'll focus on getting ready to go out to dinner with my dh and 4 lovely children