Those "Stabby" comments...

[Bathsheba]

Brief history - Dh is undiagnosed Aspergers/ASD (never formally diagnosed and very difficult to do so now he is 41 but we all can clearly see he is and he knows himself). I had "anxiety issues" - generally caused by living with him....he has had severe MH issues in the past with anxiety, depression and (almost crippling) paranoia.

Last night I had a conversation with him about a dress that we had been given for DD3's birthday on Thursday - I couldn;t decide if I liked it, I'd been told to take it back and swap it if I didn't and I was just lookign for an opinion as to whether he thought DD3 would wear it etc....

Suddenly out of nowhere he starts talking about "Did you go overdrawn this month" (No). "Well have you reached the limit on your card" (No). "well you are going to soon..."

At which point I asked "Hang on, why on earth did you bring up money and how much I spend when I'm standing here talking about a baby dress. I didn;t BUY it, it was a present".

He simply didn;t get that constantly bringing up money and my perceived "constant squandering" was upsetting me, and he had completely blindsided me when I was talking about keeping a dress or not.

As I left the room the comment was shouted about how I "need to go and see the doctor"...

So basically if I show any emotion, if I get upset, if I don't agree with him, if I'm ever taken aback then I need to go and see the doctor because there is something wrong with me....

This has really upset me (and when thigns upset me they haunt me for days...hence the anxiety disorder I guess)...

Now I'm not soo mentally unstable that I can't organise DD3's birthday party for today...I'm not so unstable that he isn't happy enough to leave the 3 girls with me this afternoon while he goes to the pub and the football, or all week while he works (I'm a SAHM)....no no, I'm stable enough for all that....but as soon as I question anything or get upset or narked, then I need to get myself to the doctor...

I'm sorry. I don't have any advice, but I read your post and feel bad for you.

Would he agree to see a therapist?

Nope - he wouldn't see a therapist or a counsellor or anything like relate...he flatly refuses. he had a fab psychiartist a few years ago but he has been discharged from his care..and anyway, he won't see anyong when its me who is ill (apparently) and its me who needs my meds adjusted or changed.

I do actually have a drs appointment on wednesday to review my meds but he doesn't know that

Instead of you getting your "meds" sorted, he needs to get some assistance. As you're aware AS sufferers aren't socially always in the same boundaries as us, and while it's annoying for you, it's probably confusing and frustrating for him. Get some advice for him soon-ish.

Good luck with the party!

I agree with LadyoftheManor - Bathesheba it's not you who needs to get your medication sorted out. Medication will only hide the real issue which is that your dh has an untreated problem which makes him very difficult to live with.

Dosing yourself up will only disguise the real problems.

If he really will not go to therapy, then it might be worth going to therapy yourself, not because anything is wrong with you, but to help and support you in dealing with a difficult ongoing situation.

I had counselling a few years ago - it was initially because I had a very traumaitic birth experience (I suffered from PTSD after DD2 was born) but basically I suffered from a huge amount of resentment about how ill my Dh was and how resentful I was that he was never "there" for me throughout the whole pregnancy/birth/recovery.

In the end the counsellor (legitimate counsellor, I was referred to them by my GP) told me to leave him...

I didn;t go back for counselling but yes, I do need some support to know when comments like he made last night are legitimate and I need to do something about myself/my behaviour/my attitudes and when comments like that really are un-necessary and I should really be laughing them off - I find it hard to tell when I'm in the middle of a situation like last night and I have such low self esteem that my automatic reaction if to assume I've done something wrog and its me thats crap...