To tell her she was fat!

[ReindeerBollocks]

My mum and I went wedding dress shopping for her today. She found a beautiful dress (not a conventional wedding dress) and it really suited her, except she has developed a bit of a belly.

My mum jokes about it all the time but does want to get rid of the extra weight and has signed up to exercise classes. Actually she's signed us both up, so I can keep her company.

So when she asked me honestly what I thought I told her - it made her look fat and lumpy. The assistant was horrified and told her she looked stunning (she did look nice but I said that too). Being my mum I thought she'd appreciate my actual advice rather than the advice of a shop assistant who was just blantantly trying to sell an expensive dress. I also did tell her that the colouring was beautiful and the dress really did look amazing on her.

My mum wasn't offended in the slightest and joked that it was her extra baby belly left over from me. She wasn't upset at all but when we left the shop she admitted that to look truly great on her wedding day she will have to tone up to fit into the dress properly (she couldn't actually close the dress).

So, going by the assistant's reaction (not my mothers as she wasn't offended at all) was IBU to tell my mum she looked fat in her wedding dress?

The shop keeper looked horrified because you don't need to say "That's not very flattering" in such an inkind way. Just because you are close doens't mean she wasn't hurt by it.

especially whilst trying on wedding dresses :(

You need honesty.

I was in Hobbs changing rooms- you have to come out to use mirror. Other woman was trying on dress she looked great and the shape was great, she put on second dress and she looked fat and boobless- it was awful.

The assistant was telling her she looked great and should buy both. She looked uncertain. I told her that I thought the 1st dress looked great but the 2nd dress did nothing for her as it didn't flatter her figure- I didn't say she looked a bit overweight and boobless- but she knew.

The assistant glowered but the woman laughed and thanked me- she knew it was awful but the sales driven assistant was pushing it.

I would have told a friend or relative directly they looked fat and would expect them to say the same to me. You have to be honest.

If you didn't say fat and lumpy you shouldn't have put it in your op - no one can give you a straight answer if you are deliberatly misleading in the OP.

I felt extremely upset and hurt when my sister told me that I looked like something the kids had made in school (from clay) when I was trying out dresses to wear for a party. I laughed it off though, as I would not let her see how hurt I felt.

So I hope you did not phrase it "fat and lumpy", that pretty much covers what my sister told me.

But your mum may be different.

Jesus. There's being honest and there's being offensive. And she can still look lovely on her wedding day even if she is a bit overweight. Most people would laugh it off at the time and then go home and cry. I'm not surprised the assistant was shocked.

Well, I did say all the things mentioned in the OP but just not as blunt as they appear written down IYSWIM s they were said along other nice things so it wasn't that straight forward.

I definitely don't need to apologise to my mum, I know her better than anyone and I can assure you that she is definitely not offended or upset (my mum doesn't do a brave face - if she was upset I would KNOW).

We actually went shopping for my wedding dress last summer, I took her for the sole reason that she would be honest (and she was brutally honest ) she talked me out of buying a dress that, although I loved, didn't suit me. So the whole 'put yourself in her shoes' argument doesn't actually work in this case ( you can feel free to still not agree with me though).

Random s

YANBU i would def want to know the truth before i have actually purchased something, rather than get home and decide "hmm don't think i suit this"

My dh is terrible for saying i look good in something when i clearly don't and for this reason i feel i can't trust his opinion......think you done the right thing raindeer