To think that a man 40+ who has never had a long term relationship...

[NorhamGardens]

Is best avoided? If this is the case then what are women like my older friend supposed to do if they want a relationship and get married etc?

My friend has found that most men she's dated want sex rather than commitment especially through internet dating. A few have never had a long term relationship or been married etc, alarm bells would be ringing for me if they were 40 plus. This is the age group she's met recently (internet dating). She's also said that usually men of her age want a much younger woman.

My heart is breaking for her as she has told me she's resigned herself to the fact she'll now never have children - she's 41, all her life she imagined she'd have them when she met the right person. Now, due to her age, she thinks this is unlikely to happen.

She also has quite a serious health issue, but this wouldn't physically prevent her having children. It might put some men off though, there's a chance she could become seriously ill in the future.

I don't know what to say to her? She wrote me a very sad email yesterday. She's wonderful, a really lovely person and deserves happiness in her life.

I seem to hear this more and more, and from my younger friends too, that men are not interested in settling down until much later (if at all). You hear so much in the press about women delaying having children until it is too late but less about the men who don't want to commit in the first place.

I think this is so weird - I know some of you are looking for any clue at all that a man who might reject you is secretly some sort of raving psychopath, but I know quite a few men who have got to 40 with only one or two year relationships behind them who are lovely to be around, warm and ambitious for their female friends and who I can't understand why girlfriends have left them.

One in particulary I would imagine would make a vwonderfully supportive partner - in fact I nearly made a pass at him myself. He has fallen in love several times with women who have either dumped them, or moved away because of careers, or have had their heads turned by wealthy men - one of my best friends was going out with a guy who she dumped for a tosser with money who could take her away on holiday at the drop of the hat - and her ex too is 40 without a partner, but we all think he would have married her like a shot.

I also know that one friend of my DH who asked me to write his sarah beaney recommendation didn't have a long relationship earlier because he didn't feel it was appropriate to have a relationship whilst his income was low and his life unstable, and is now looking for a real, serious relationship now he has a house to have it in, and he can afford kids. (bless), so I do think you are being a bit harsh.

If I'd started a thread wondering if I were unreasonable "To think that a woman 40+ who has never had a long term relationship is best avoided", I imagine some of the, ahem, more vocal types on here would have had "words" to say about this.

agree with UnquietDad.

I was 39 and my DH 45 when we met.

Both of us were very successful socially and with our careers - but neither of us had had what could be called a long term relationship.

We could not be happier.

Hate the stigma that goes with having had a LTR. It becomes self-fulfilling catch-22. If you avoid people who have not had a LTR how will they every have one?

At what age is it acceptable to have not had a LTR, 35, 30, 25? And at what age do you have to hang your face in shame and not admit it to others?

I have a lovely friend who is 38, hasn't had a ltr, but who would truly love to settle down and have a family. He's very shy round people he doesn't know well, but once you do he is fab and brilliant with children (he has 14 nephews and nieces).

I think theres a lot of difference in a 40 yr old who lives at home and one who just hasn't found anyone they want to be with

I have done internet dating and I think you have to take it for what it is. A place to meet all different types of people very quickly. I personally found it very good to meet women and at then time I was in my late 30's and age didn't come into it. Some onf the women I met I still keep in contact with even though I'm now married (someone I met in the office). The rule is..... If your single and looking for someone your never find them, but if you carry on with life and be happy with yourself the right person will appear. Yes some men want one thing but there are a lot more out there that want a lot more (yes I mean a relationship). Like someone said in the other posts, she knows nice mem over 40 and doesn't know why they are single, perhaps the nice ones are sometimes to nice?