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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad pronouncing my DD's name incorrectly

68 replies

JoanFontaine · 13/01/2011 21:37

I've namechanged as am about to divulge the names of my DCs.

My DD is called Esmé. That is, Esmé pronounced Ez-May rather than Ez-mee.

When we chose it, DH and I agreed that it as it is one of those names which have two common pronounciations, we would just swallow that fact and not get all het up about people saying it "wrong" because life is too short.

However we did choose to use the accent as a pointer to our preferred prounciation (and also 'cause Salinger's charcter has an accent and we chose the name partly because of that because we love it.)

Anyway...My dad insists on calling her Ez-mee. It pisses me off royally. Because while I don't expect random teachers etc to get it right all the time, I think her grandfather could make a bloody effort to say her name correctly. He speaks good French too, so he knows what the accent is for!

I've said, "It's Ez-MAY, dad" several times but it just doesn't seem to sink in, and he behaves as though I'm being insanely picky for mentioning it.

DH thinks I'm not being totally U, but reminds me that we agreed that we weren't going to get wound up about it. I think I'm right to be annoyed.

What do you think, AIBU?

OP posts:
callmemrsfarenheit · 13/01/2011 22:22

No one could ever pronounce my DS's name correctly (Faysal- pronounced fy-sal, not fey-zal), so we ended up using his middle name instead!

It is a bit annoying, but I guess that is our penance for choosing a foreign/unusual name. YANBU to find it annoying, but you would be a little bit U if you expected everyone to get it right. Smile

romillysmum · 13/01/2011 22:23

YABU My FIL does this with my DD. Her name is Romilly but he calls her Romney - which is a different name!! I just let him get on with it although it really annoys me and always have to (have to!) pass comment to DH which FIL leaves.

swissmiss · 13/01/2011 22:23

My own Mum pronounces my name wrong! I put it down to the fact English isn't her mother tongue but even now, 35yrs on it annoys me! Mind you my Grandfather thought my parents had named me Onion, he was rather hard of hearing which combined with my mother's accent confused him somewhat.

Yes, I'd be annoyed but I'm not sure it's worth a family falling out.

rinabean · 13/01/2011 22:25

But the name is said how it's written. Everyone knows how é works because of loanwords like café (although it's not always written like that). If it were just Esme, I'd pronounce it Es-mee, but not after being told it wasn't like that, and especially not if I were the child's grandparent!

Onetoomanycornettos · 13/01/2011 22:25

Wow, Chitchat, is it really a hanging crime to call your nephew or grandson a pet name? I even call my friends by pet names I only tend to use, and some of them do for me. I think this idea there's one name, only one prononunciation (esp. when it's not clear how to say it, which Ezme in't to me) and anyone who gets it wrong is being deliberately insulting is just precious in the extreme.

romillysmum · 13/01/2011 22:26

Sorry meant of course YANBU!!! Must go to bed.

ZillionChocolate · 13/01/2011 22:27

YANBU. If it were strangers I'd say you had to lump it but your own Dad should get it right. Maybe you'll have to wait for her to grow up enough to tell him off.

NonnoMum · 13/01/2011 22:29

What you worrying about? My Dad called my DC3 by a whole different NAME for the first 3 months of his life.

He never got the middle name wrong, though.

But he is going a bit bonkers.

Original poster
JoanFontaine · 13/01/2011 22:31

Ok, thanks all. I knew I wasn't BU!

Now...What to do about it...? Grin

OP posts:
cece · 13/01/2011 22:32

I have an Esme. We pronounce it Esmee. I had never heard of the Esmay way of saying it till she started school! Then we got teachers calling her Esmay.

By this stage though she was old enough to decide for herself. She doesn't mind Esmay so doesn't correct people. It's her name so up to her. I have asked her if she wants me to say anything but she says she is fine with it. This years teacher says it correctly (for us). Last year her teacher said it 'wrong' all year and by the end of the year had added the accent to justify it! LOL

Your DD will tell him when she is older if it bothers her.

Oh and lovely name btw. I don't think it is pretentious at all! Smile or foreign...

NonnoMum · 13/01/2011 22:32

Keep smiling (through gritted tayth). Wink

AB12 · 13/01/2011 22:33

Esme is not a pretentious name, it is a very classic old fashioned name, trois. I hve never heard it pronounced es-mee though. Always es-may

My Dsis is Rachael. My aunt said she hated Rachael and still calls her 'Raquel' even though Dsis is now 34. It drove my mother bonkers, and frankly, it is insulting, to think that YOU know better than a parent how a name 'should' be.

In other words, YANBU

Original poster
JoanFontaine · 13/01/2011 22:36

Oh, and hey troisgarcons, can't you read? I said I'm not pissed off about peripheral people getting it wrong. Just, y'know, he grandad.

Oh, I'm a teacher, btw. But part time and a core subject so only 120 odd names to remember for me.

PS - loving your name. French, innit?

OP posts:
Tramadol · 13/01/2011 22:38

Never heard of Esmay - only Ezmee.

Lamorna · 13/01/2011 22:38

I don't think that you will get anywhere but your DD will, she will just have to correct him each time.

cece · 13/01/2011 22:39

I know one Esmay Esme and all the others I know are an Esmee Esme.

Is your mother able to talk to him about this?

AB12 · 13/01/2011 22:42

I think it is such a pretty name, as is Romilly. I wanted Romilly if Dbaby was a girl.

wishingforcrystalball · 13/01/2011 22:43

YANBU - But don't worry about it.

My grandad told my mother there was no such name as what she had called me, so called me Jemima.

Jemima is absolutely 100% nothing like my name, and my name is a fairly common name (5 of us in my class of 26 at school).

Used to fustrate him more than me, because he'd be calling me, and funny enough I wasn't responding.

Now he's passed away, I look back with fondness, and think what he called me. Just think of it as a nn for you dd.

Catnao · 13/01/2011 22:44

My grandfather calls me Kathleen. This is not my name. I have become accustomed to it after 32 years.

DirtyMartini · 13/01/2011 22:45

Just to balance things out: I have always heard it said Esmee rather than Esmay if there is no accent. Esmay only if the accent is used. Not that this explains your dad's attitude, as you do use the accent.

I do think that you should try not to rise to it. Let him say it his way, as long as everyone else knows how to say it. It's obviously some weird issue of his but I don't think it's a battle worth fighting - don't treat it like it matters and he'll probably stop bothering eventually. Or your dd can correct him if she minds when she gets older.

Buda · 13/01/2011 22:47

I had something similar. DS is Matthew! Some of my very Dublin family kept calling him MaCHew. My very British dh was not impressed!

They mostly get it right now. He is 9.

twirlymum · 13/01/2011 22:47

I've only ever known Esme pronounced Ezmee.

MrsNonSmoker · 13/01/2011 22:50

My MiL made a point of saying that DDs name was confusing (as it was Welsh), she never said it, always stumbled over it got no where near and then said it was sad as when DD1 was at school she would be embarrassed by it. I think some people just like to make a point.

Catnao · 13/01/2011 22:51

See Buda - it's these Irish ones you've got to watch out for!

EzMAY will def be my daughter if I ever have one, by the way (that pronunciation, not spelling!)

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 22:53

YANBU

I thought maybe it was his accent - but I guess if it was you'd already be making an allowance for it.

What to do - have a serious conversation with him when you tell him it's upsetting you that he wont say it properly and ask him why he wants to say it the other way... see what he says.

After many many many years my Mum still pronounces my best friends name incorrectly and it drives me bonkers - but no amount of repeating it correctly seems to sink in?! But it's not her Grandchild ...

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