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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery - pissed off, confused, sad

17 replies

deliakate · 12/01/2011 16:17

DS, 17 mo, has just had his first full morning at nursery where he will be going 2 full days as from next week. I arrived to collect him and was told he'd had an 'accident'. Basically, he was trying to sit on some of the other toddlers, and one got so annoyed they bit him on the shoulder. Big red mark.
I feel really confused about whether he should even be there (sahm, who is not coping that well with being 20 wks preg too).
He has been in creches at the gym and church since very little, and never come across this before. Although, when I'm with him and friends with little ones his age, he can be very friendly and tends to push them over a bit with his 'hugs'.
Nursery worker is sure he was just being boisterous and friendly, so I am not worried he's being a bully, but I just feel a bit devastated this has happened so soon.
So, aibu?

OP posts:

FrequentNutter · 12/01/2011 16:18

I think it would be upsetting for anybody. It is his first day and he comes home with a bite on his shoulder. I'd be confused too! He clearly just slipped and fell on a child who bit him.

Original poster

deliakate · 12/01/2011 16:21

I do believe the bit about him sitting on them all. DH thinks its hilarious, and says he gets it from him - apparently, he was rather boisterous with all his friends until quite big.
Am blaming myself now for over-hugging him etc. Arrr

OP posts:

mutznutz · 12/01/2011 16:23

I'm sure he'll be fine...if this had happened a few months in, you probably wouldn't feel as worried as you do, but being his first day...it's just bad timing

scurryfunge · 12/01/2011 16:27

Although it is a harsh response by the other child, it may help your child learn about behaviour. Don't blame yourself. These things happen.

mutznutz · 12/01/2011 16:29

That's the difficulty with kids that young isn't it? Your child will be learning not to plonk himself (just like my middle son used to) onto the nearest soft looking lap...and the other child will be learning that chewing other children is unacceptable too.

domeafavour · 12/01/2011 16:35

ah, don't worry.
it's very unfortunate that it happened on his first day, but the nursery will see this type of stuff all the time and they should know how to deal with it.
If they don't seem to deal with to your satisfaction then you might have an issue, but they should be understanding and sympathetic

TattyDevine · 12/01/2011 16:39

Dont worry, you can't protect your children from natural consequences, and nor should you (within reason)...

Shit happens, they move on, its the natural course of things

TattyDevine · 12/01/2011 16:39

Oh, and if you think you feel like shit, at least he's not the biter! Another parent will be feeling potentially worse than you tonight...

gorionine · 12/01/2011 16:43

"Nursery worker is sure he was just being boisterous and friendly, so I am not worried he's being a bully,"

I think it is really sad to use the word "bully" at nursery stage. What are we becoming (as a society) to even think about that of a 17 month old

TheVisitor · 12/01/2011 16:45

He's still a baby and will learn about social interaction at nursery. What happened today is extremely normal, including him being bitten. Don't worry a bit about it. :)

DayShiftDoris · 12/01/2011 20:11

Ofcourse he should be there

He needs to learn that if you sit on people and don't get off when they ask you to then they may well bite you

He will be fine - it's how children figure out the world.

The biter will (hopefully) be finding out that if you bite other children at nursery then your mummy and / or daddy do their disappointed face and it really wasn't worth it!

If you are 20wks pregnant you need the rest and need him to be well settled before baby comes I reckon.... and to have learnt not to sit on people

It won't be the last time you feel guilty as a mummy but the fact you care about how he behaves is a sure sign that you need not feel guilty x

tomhardyismydh · 12/01/2011 20:23

just unlucky this happened today. he should be there and you kn ow that or you wouldnt have made that choice. and im sure it will fine.

Balletrose · 12/01/2011 20:27

He's the age for sitting on and being sat on, biting and being bitten, hitting and being hit... but none of which is done in any kind of malicious manner or nasty intent. 17mo have no concept of bullying or malicious intent so don't even think along those lines.

It's not nice to hear about rambunctious behaviour that's got a little out of hand, or find a bite mark on your child but it's just a small part of nursery life, this sort of thing occasionally happens. I agree it's just bad timing it happened on his first day.

At nursery he will be learning to play and share with his peers which is a good thing. If he's a boisterous sort he'll soon settle in. Sounds like at least he was getting stuck in instead of sat nervously on the edge of things so good for him! It'll all be fine... honest

onceamai · 12/01/2011 20:31

Good lesson in how not to be too boisterous. He'll be fine. Shall never forget the day when DS gave DD her first good wallop after she bit him on the shoulder - bruise lasted for ages. She never did it again.

AuntiePickleBottom · 12/01/2011 20:45

at 17 month old many toddlers lack communication, and biting hiting ect is just a way to express themselves.

it then our jobs to teach them postive ways to communicate, and that takes time.

hogshead · 12/01/2011 23:29

Try not to worry. DS got biten just before Christmas at nursery (he's 16 months) it's just unfortunate it was your ds's first day.

In fairness to the other child my DS did put his finger in her mouth and she just closed her mouth so hopefully it was a good lesson in cause and effect for him :)

ChippingIn · 12/01/2011 23:35

Nursery will be good for him - the other kids will help him learn stuff - like if you sit on kids they will bite Better to learn it now than at BigSchool.

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