for feeling guilty I don't get out much with DD?

[Lynzjam]

Feeling a bit down about stuff. I find going out with my 4 month old DD stressful. The act of getting ready to go out puts me off. Getting myself ready combined with fighting to get DD in her snow suit then into the car seat while she's crying stresses me out.

When I'm out and about I worry if she's gonna wake up and need a feed. Then I'm going to have to get my boob out.

I feel guilty that DD isn't mingling very much with other babies just now because she's really interactive and always wanting in on the action (likes to be walked around to have a good look at stuff, loves her toys and interaction with me and her dad, other adults etc).

Been to a BF group a few times but it wasn't for me. It was mainly the older screaming todlers I couldn't deal with. It was just so noisy, sweaty and uncomfortable.

Is it bad I don't attend these kinds of classes? I go back to work in a couple of months and I would just like peace and quiet just now. I guess I wish I could do away with the feeling of stress and get out more as I am a bit bored!

So AIBU and need to get a grip?

Well it's up to you - at 4 months old, your DD isn't really missing out and I really don't believe that babies so young can truly "interact". However, you are being a bit U re) the "older screaming toddlers" because one day youe DD will be a screaming toddler and you will have to put up with the tuts from mums of PFBs.

At 4 months, getting out of the house is probably of more benefit to you than to your DD. A bit of adult conversation (even if you're mostly talking about babies!) is a Good Thing. Don't worry too much though; in a few months the weather will start to get better (fingers crossed) and if you're like me you'll feel much more positive about getting out and about.

I've been there myself. I barely went out at first as my DH wasn't working and the 3 of us basically occupied a wonderful bubble. And I felt a lot like you did about the hassle of leaving the house even if my DH wasn't around, plus it's 31 narrow, steep steps from our flat's landing to road so it was all heavy and awkward.
Sometime around 6-7 months this desire to hide away lifted and I became a lot more social. It lifted naturally and I suddenly felt a lot more myself and interested in the world.

As long as you aren't lonely it really doesn't matter. At 4 mo your DD can barely comprehend her own existence let alone wish to interact with other babies. Groups for very little ones are about mums not going mad with boredom, not babies!

Hopefully you're not feeling down about anything else?

Thinking about going out with a small baby is normally worse than the reality. The sooner you do it the easier it becomes.

Why not start with small outings. Even just to the local shop to get some milk and bread. Wait till after she has had a good feed and content then put her in her snow suit and put some blankets over her then put her in her pram. She may enjoy lying in it looking at trees etc as you go by or drift off to sleep. Then if she has gone to sleep you can just park the pram in your house, lift the blankets off her and unzip the snowsuit but not take it off so she can continue sleeping but not overheat. Just getting some fresh air regularly can help keep things in perspective.

Tiny babies don't need the interaction of groups etc but they mainly help new mums make contact with each other and not feel isolated but you do need to try a few till you find one you are comfortable with. Lots of churches run mother and toddler groups on different days of the week, if you wanted to try finding another group.

If you are out and she needs a feed remember you can retreat to your car if you aren't comfortable feeding in public - comfy seat, heating and radio : )

I remember outings with DD1 being a major event requiring a lot of planning. Now having 3 kids under 5, with school and nursery runs you don't think about it. But DH and I do look back and smile about the planning required to go out with DD1 : )

I honestly dont feel you should feel guilty from your DD's point of view - she's not going to miss out terribly at this age, as long as she's getting to see some sunlight when its about (not much at the moment!)

So dont feel guilty. Nothing bad will happen.

It sounds trite but I think you would benefit from going out more even if where you go isn't your scene, but if you can't face it, dont.

I know what you mean about snowsuits and packing bags and all that...its such a palarva. Often you convince yourself you need things you dont though. Its liberating going out with just a single nappy and a small pack of wipes tucked into your coat pocket...and playing roulette with the rest. What's the worst thing that could happen!?

Do what you feel is right, if you back at work soon, and want to cocoon yourself away, it wont hurt anyone except possibly you, but if you are happy, then just accept it and go with it.

For your sake and not for hers make a time during the day put her in the buggy and go out for a walk. Just getting out of the house will make you feel better and there is pressure into getting somewhere on time.

There are lots of different colours shapes and objects noises for your DD to see and take in. Also as you walk you may meet other mums doing the same who probably feel or have felt the same way as you.

I should have said there is no pressure

Totally identify with what you're saying - my wife had the same thing at a similar age. Thing is, getting out is as much for you as it is for her though as time passes it will become quite important for her development.

Why not try getting into good habits now? The nmore you do it, the more it will feel like a routine and the less it will feel like a chore. She should also get a bit more used to it as well which should make it a bit easier.

Thing is, until you give it a go, you might not learn what you need to know, e.g. places that are great for breastfeeding, places that have good changing facilities, places that do good coffee! The places we go now have changed completely from 2 years ago pre DD, but we had a few irritating experiences in the early days.

Why not set aside a few days a week for a few weeks just to give it a go? Will prob need to force yourself to do it at first, but as you meet people and have positive experiences hopefully it'll become fun by the end of it.

I never did it - though once I had returned to work and DD was getting older I was gratful that out CM did all the drop-in groups as DD love it.

I spent first 2 months of DD's life living very quietly and going for long walks when I fancied it (it was winter), then months 3-5 living on a remote isolated island in southern hemisphere (lovely summer), swimming & walking but very little contact with other people and NO contact with other babies, then months 6-8 chilling out in London before I returned to work (no other baby contact apart from baby massage group). Didn't do DD any harm at all - far from it. I think that time was magical for both of us.

Don't worry about baby meeting other babies - do what makes you happy so you can enjoy this time. Can you use pashmina or something so you don't feels so exposed breastfeeding? I just used to take big breaths and do it and very soon I stopped feeling awkward about it. Getting around with a young BF baby is incredibly easy really esp if you have type of buggy they can have good naps in. Have you been to any scream sessions at the movies (where you take your baby)?

Sorry, meant to say that you are BU: you've no reason to feel guilty because you're doing nothing wrong. Just reckon its worth getting out a bit for everybody's benefit.

are you joking? your worried your 4 month old isnt having enough interaction with other babies? id be surprised if she even notices they are there. stay in snuggle up, youl head out when it gets warmer and she can enjoy a trip to the park or the river right now she needs milk sleep and cuddles with mummy

re all the Mums groups etc, clearly some people love them and that's great. But they aren't for everyone (they weren't for me), so don't feel at all bad if they don't appeal to you. Once you are back at work they will be irrelevant to you anyway.

Do what you want with your young baby while you can - for goodness sake please don't waste any more time feeling remotely 'guilty'.

You've nothing to feel guilty about. Babies don't need groups and classes, they're for the mums' benefit, especially in the early months.

It's nice to get out in the fresh air though so a walk round the block or local park, or a trip to the local shop every so often is a good idea.

As kenobi said, are you feeling down about anything else?

Feeling much better now reading all your replies.

Throughout the pregnancy and in the early weeks, I did think about PND. There is a family history of depression but I really don't think I have it. I'm pretty much the same as I have ever been having good days mostly!

Weather totally doesn't help. I want to take her for walks in the pram or sling but it is soo treacherous out there with solid ice on the pavements. I'm missing a wee bit warmth and sunshine. Everyone feels like this though I guess!

Going back to work has been on my mind a bit. I think it will be good for me going back so I can be active again, and look forward to picking up DD from her grannies after work. But on the other hand, I'm worrying about how I'll manage! I'll be able to express at worl but it's the thought of getting ready in the morning and surviving interupted sleep.

Baby awake from sleep hve to go!

Can I give you (an impossible to follow) piece of advice?

Don't worry about it until you need to. It'll all work out.

echo what everyone else has said - at this age its not about interacting with other babies - at 17 months my DS is only now starting to really interact as opposed to just playing near them! Its horses for courses as far as how you feel about being in the house all day - drives me bonkers but we have a small house! Re the boob thing, do you express? Could you take a bottle with you or think about what clothing you have on or take a shawl or something so you feel less vulnerable. Also, do you have any mum friends that you could go with? I have a mate whose son is a few months younger than mine and I had no idea but when her boy was about 4 months we went out and she fed him and told me afterwards it was the first time she'd done it cos she was too nervous to do it when she was alone. Please don;t worry, you're doing fine

Your right! I'll try my best!

Findingstuff I haven't tried the scream session yet. Wondered what it would be like though? Suppose it doesn't matter if your baby cries and I could get my boob out in the dark?

It will get easier in spring when clothing is less. I find Spring easier even now my dc's are 3&5
If u didnt like traditional mixed age playgroup

You could try a first time mums group you may find more common ground there as long as you don't get too many competitive mums. Or a coffee morning group where nos are small. But maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. There are lots of mums who feel as you do so don't feel worried to be honest with people. The may well suorise you and admit that feel the same.

"Suppose it doesn't matter if your baby cries and I could get my boob out in the dark?"

EXACTLY!!! Might be a nice gentle way to start 'public' feeding.