To sometimes get sick of being nagged for sex?

[Pixie83]

please tell me I'm not the only one.

Roughly 2 weeks every month I'm very up for a shag 3 or 4 times a week, but then getting towards Aunt Flo's visit I get more and more tired, achey, grumpy and just don't fancy it. Then during blob week it just seems mankey.

So basically DH has roughly two weeks of wayhay, then it all goes a bit flat for the next two.

We've been together donkeys years, and he's truly lovely in every other way, and does try to do extra to help when I'm getting PMTish. But however much he tries to help me get more rest,etc, it doesn't make me feel like it. He knows this and it's always been the way, so why does he still try it on and moan that he's frustrated during those times?

It usually ends up in a row at some point and it's like ground hog day, always going over extactly the same argument.

So AIBU thinking he should sort himself out until I'm a willing partner again, rather than trying to nag me into doing something I'm not up for?

It really pisses me off that this is one sticking point in an otherwise really good relationship

Stewie is it really? Doesn't it depend on how 'bad' a mood he gets in if it doesn't get sex? Surely a man putting on a bit of a sulk is no more abusive than a woman sulking because her DH left a wet towel on the bed. But if he gets 'nasty' if sex doesn't happen, yes that's abusive.

Am I way off the mark? In my mind, sulking isn't abusive behavious, just a bit childish!

Just realised Jammy used the term 'nagged/bullied' so maybe I'm wrong re that particular post.

behaviour I mean

Get 2 badges - a happy smiley face and a grumpy one.
Pin the happy face on the curtain (or anything similar where he can see it) when you're good for some rompy.
And for the other 2 weeks, pin the grompy face.

Then tell him to stay the fuck away from your knickers when he sees grumpy face.

Simples.

...I'm a bit embarrassed about revealing this. It's something I'm quite ashamed of. I was just trying to show some solidarity with Pixie!

Sugarfairy sorry but..............LOL . I hate LOLers but I really did

Stewie yes I agree that in a perfect world, and in all the best films, sex is an 'incredible experience between two people', but in RL is it always that way?

If everyone else out there is having an incredible experience every time they get a shag then I'm doing something wrong.

I'm not 'afraid of the consequences' if I don't have sex, but I just don't need the hassle of the sulks that follow if I don't 'put up' sometimes. Having said that, I pretty much never 'put up', hence the bad atmosphere and rows.

"Its about controlling your behaviour."

Whereas if she demands he wait till she is ready, she is controlling his behaviour. No sex till she wants it.

Which is fair enough if thats how the relationship started. Not so fair if she just decides one day to dictate the end of his sex life.

Thats why in RL it always ends up a compromise.

And if you never want it? What then?

ccpccp - what you are talking about is a totally different situation to the OP. and would need tackling in a different way

Blimey. He should thank his lucky stars. We have sex far less than that! He has hands doesn't he?

ccpcp...exaggeration ?

"end of his sex life"

read the Op again

pixie, I too am very cyclical

DH knows I am and makes allowances

he has never, ever sulked if I turn him down (I don't very often)

during my rather eventful "TTC and losing 'em along the way" years, he would have to go up to 9 months without penetrative sex. He never complained once

I am not saying this to big him up, just to say that is is not unreasonable to expect men to understand that you just don't feel like it (just now) but wait a few days and the tide will turn (as it were)

you are not there for his convenience, or as a tool for his "relief"

There are plenty of times that I'm dying for a shag but DH isn't, likewise there was a time I was just like the OP and was like clockwork - DH just accepted it without sulking.

Weeknights are off limits because he's just too knackered as he's out of the house for 12 hours and he would rather wait until the weekend because wants a proper full on shag rather than a 10 minute half hearted attempt. I accept that -and make him make up
for it on holidays we just have lovely cuddles instead, especially as they get more sexual as the week progresses .

The question to ask him is why he wants sex regardless of how you feel? Most men don't want sex with a woman who is not interested.
Does he actually think that you should just let him have sex with you, how could he enjoy it with the knowledge that you wouldn't?
Having a high sex drive is no excuse for such selfishness, doesn't he understand that (mutually satisfying) sex isn't just about orgasms? If all he wants is an orgasm, he's perfectly capable of doing that himself.

'Probably TMI but I find sex during Auntie Flo's visit actually helps with both the PMT and stomach cramps (endorphins or summat) if you think it's too gross do it in the shower.'

I find it painful.

It's different for everyone.

If someone doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.

Happy to be of service Pixie83

How is it the 'end of his sex life'. Give me a break! He's having sex 10+ or so a month.

She's always been like this according to the OP.

I know it's not helpful, OP, but I've have addressed this before I married this person because nagging and pestering for sex and moaning gets really old, really fast to me.

Oh my god. Of course this woman is controlling their sex life, if by sex life you mean this guy's right to put his penis inside her body. There's nothing abusive about her wanting to exercise her right to bodily integrity! It really appals me that people think this way. No-one would ever insult my male partner on a forum if I complained he wouldn't let me penetrate him whenever I wanted to, because it's understood that I've no basic right to. You don't die if you can't have sex whenever you want to. You do get very ill if you have to have sex when you don't want to.

Me too. And my DH is like your AF.

glad to hear it, JLC

I find it so tedious how some posters always have to make everything sooo deep and somehow transform every matter into such a 'you need to re-evealuate your relationship' type post.

If the lady doesn't feel like it, she doesn't feel like it. It's not controlling, nor is she a monarch who should 'lie back and think of whatever..
Sex shouldn't be about avoiding rows. I think OP is doing the right thing.

And her relationship sounds.. well, sound!

Is there something that you nag him about from time to time? That he finds turns him more and more off from doing what you want him to do? Can you have a frank discussion (outside the bedroom, and totally in a neutral situation) where you ask him that, then use logic to show him that's how you feel too? Sex tends to cloud the issue sometimes, when in reality it's just another one of those things you share as a couple where you're not always going to see eye to eye. Can you then come up with a "warning word" to use to then remind him (or for him to remind you if you nag him a lot about this conversation, to ward off the rows later?

(Rereading that, there's a risk I suppose of equating sex with chores in his mind, but given what you've said about your sex life otherwise, that shouldn't be an issue. It's about your not wanting to do something at a certain time, or his not wanting to do something at a certain time. Not about chores!)

To me, this issue is not about the sex, it's about the nagging and huffing and whining. I'd be annoyed if DP did that whether it was about sex, cleaning the house, doing my taxes, going out for a run, giving him a massage, or any other number of things I might not be inspired to do at that moment in time.