to only have sex when tipsy?

[RavenHairedPrincess]

My poor DH has been very patient for so long and I do feel bad for him, but I can only have sex with him after a few glasses of wine, it started before I fell pregnant with DC3 but obvs when I fell pregnant I couldn't face sex without a couple of glasses and being pregnant I didn't drink so the poor man had to wait a full 9mths (plus recovery).
The problem is I don't know why I don't have "the urge" I just don't, I still fancy him, and love him deeply, but I don't want to sleep with him.
He feels I am being unreasonable to be tipsy when we make love but I don't know what else to do, it is a case of have a glass or two of wine or don't have sex AIBU?

Well it sounds like you can't relax enough...to get turned on otherwise. DO you get turned on when tipsy or are you just able to "Put up with it" better then?

If you actually get turnd on then I suggest massage beforehand...he should massage you to help you unwind and chill out.

Yes massage..alone time (though the latter can be like gold dust) or some DVDs...maybe treat yourself to some nice underwear if you can?

What about first thing after you wake up and are relaxed- have you tried that?

To be honest, I think you might benefit from some psycho-sexual counselling, because needing to be a bit drunk to be intimate points at some fairly deep-seated issues. Of course you don't have to share anything you don't want to here, but could there be something from your past or childhood that has left you very inhibited about sex or scared of it?

We have tried massage and taking our time with lots of foreplay but I just can't do it, It's like I don't work properly unless I have had a wine or two, god I sound like an alcholic (SP?) honestly I'm not I only drink on rare occasion (poor DH).
It may be a relaxing issue I have 3 DC's under 3years so it's usually very late when we get an oppotunity, I just feel bad for him.

Before DC2 was born there was no issues, my libido was fantastic so I don't think it could be anything from the past.
I'm only 22 so the thought of a sex-less marriage for the rest of my life terrifies me TBH but I also don't want to have to drink beforehand.

Are you using contraceptives. The hormones in certain products can affect your sex-drive.

Wow! 3 children under 3yrs?

Does your husband help out a lot? Mine has always been of the opinion that if he can help me have a relaxing day by sharing the chores (on weekends) then a romantic evening is far more likely to happen. He has no sympathy for his mates who do bugger all and then expect their exhausted wives to want to make love when the kids are in bed.

SB6699- DH had the snip whilst I was pregnant so nope no contraceptives to worry, Can I just add my DC3 is still only 9 weeks old (and DC2 was only 9mths old FWIW), could this be a reason? someone tell me it will get better please?
My DH wants to sleep with a completly sober me not a slightly drunk my and I feel unreasonable to turn him down.

Oh blimey...give yourself time. Once you get your sleep and evenings to yourself back, I'm sure it'll all fall back into place without alcohol.

Oh my God are you seriously asking this if your DC is NINE WEEKS OLD??

Forget sex entirely for the moment.

It feels a lot longer for some reason, reading it back makes me think that maybe it's still early days.
I'm very lucky as she does sleep 11pm-7pm but I am shattered all the time.

is your DH pressuring you to have sex 9 weeks after teh birth of your baby???

That is your issue then- exhaustion. You can't switch off because you feel "on-duty" constantly? I agree that your dh needs to do a bit more to ease the load. And are you breast-feeding? Because that can knock your hormones out for sex.

A good chat with your dh is on the cards, I think. You can't just keep getting pissed because you feel you should be 'putting out', and hopefully he doesn't want you to. But men who do more housework have more sex- that is a fact.

He doesn't pressure me, he is great very helpful with the DC's and around the house when at home, but he does go on about it alot, I think he is trying to be umm seductive? by telling me how great I look and how much he wants me etc.
I do understand his frustrations as we were very passionate previously but I just don't feel up to it after running around all day 7AM-11PM everyday.

3 under 3 and one only 9 weeks old!

I think its pretty obvious thats the cause. You'll be tired and unable to relax (keeping one ear open for the lo).

Bear with it, you may find the problem resolves itself as you establish a routine with your new arrival.

If you're worrying about the situation, the pressure of "performing" will be weighing heavily which wont help. Could you try having a romantic night where the emphasis is on you both relaxing rather than as a prelude to sex?

erm, going on about sex alot is not seductive in any way shape or form. it is bloody annoying. especially when your wife has just had ababy. he should not be rabbiting on about sex, he really shouldn't. he needs to get his head outta his arse and start thinking what he can be doing to stop you being so exhausted. i actually cannot believe how selfish and self obsessed some men can be.

FFS I'm totally sober (I swear!!) and I keep reading the thread title as 'To only have sex with gipsy'

I was going to say at the very least you should call him a traveller!!

@ mutz

Well who am I to say what fetishes people should have?

hang on a minute ... if my maths is correct, you have had 2 pregnancies in about 11 months?!

this is why you are off the nooky FGS!

dont be silly and say things like you are worried you will have a sexless marriage for crying out loud - you are 22 years old - you have another 50 years at least of shagging to go if you want. Tell your husband to have a w*nk and leave you alone until your body has recovered from the trauma and hormonal tsunami it has undergone.

You are not a domestic appliance and your very selfish dh needs a dose of cop on

OP you don't have to have drunk sex. you don't have to hhave sex at all and if he has a problem with that then he isn't a very good husband.

Thank you all for your replies, I'm going to show my DH this thread so he can see that it's normal for me to not want it so soon after having DC3, I think it is partly because after having DS1&2 I got my drive back straight away so he isn't used to being told NO as I'm usually the initiater (sp?).
He is an affectionate person anyway so to have every move rebuked I understand why he is frustrated.

hope he is reasonable and understanding OP. it really isn't on to be pestering people for sex, no matter how long after childbirth. if someone isn't into it, tehy aren't into it. pestering doesn't make them want it, it makes them give in. and who wants to have sex with someone that just did it to shut you up?