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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel annoyed at having to invite a child I don't want to DS's party? Stupid family politics. Grrrrrr.

13 replies

CrapBag · 11/01/2011 20:34

Having a party for DS (will be 3) next week. We are using a relatives house as mine is tiny and as I am due to give birth soon, I didn't want to hire anywhere. I am close to relatives so not a problem.

I have more on the list than I would like really due to having made quite a few friends through toddler group and many of them having 2 children, the number is 19 as there isn't anyone I could leave out, plus DS has been invited to all of their parties.

Talking to relatives today and they have said "what about the children in the family?" I asked what about them, they said I have to invite them too, then agreed I didn't have to invite 1 because I have only seen him once and we don't keep in touch but there is another child (2) that I have to invite as any 'backlash' will come back on my relatives given that the party is at their house.

I don't like the boys dad (my cousin), he is volatile and is getting on everyones nerves and most of the family have had all about they can take of his behaviour. I only see his DS at relatives house when we happen to be there at the same time, he isn't a friend of DS's, which is what his birthday party should be about IMO, but I have been told that I have to invite this child because he is family.

I am not happy, neither is DH, but I can see why my relatives want this (long boring backstory) but I don't see why they can't say "yes the party is at our house but the guest list was down to CrapBag" if other people even need to know about it, which I don't see why they should tbh.

AIBU to be annoyed? I was looking forward to it, all my friends will be there and their children who are DS's friends and now I have to invite a child who is not friends with DS just because me and his fuckwit dad are cousins (this is the cousin who will blank me half the time anyway for no reason at all).

Also it is at a weekend and the DS is suppose to be with his mum at weekends, meaning he won't be with my cousin, but apparently I have to invite her, although I can see my cousin using it as an excuse to keep the DS away from his mum for that weekend as he messes her around constantly (they have split and the DS lives with his dad whilst mum has him at weekends, when my cousin feels like letting her - he really is a twat).

OP posts:

fairtradefloozy · 11/01/2011 20:38

YANBU. Its your party. The fact that it is not in your home is neither here nor there, you still control the guest list.

AB12 · 11/01/2011 20:39

Oh, that is a difficult one. YANBU to be annoyed, but might be a little U to take it out on a child, who may well not be invited to other things too if the dad is volatile.

I would just wear it really, and be nice to the little one. [I know from bitter experience what it is like to be targeted due to family politics. One of my earliest memories is of my aunt screaming at me that I was just like my father and a little bitch. I cannot have been more than 5).

dolcegusto · 11/01/2011 20:44

Is the party at the home of this child? Is so I don't see how you can not invite him.

Original poster

CrapBag · 11/01/2011 20:46

No it isn't (obviously I couldn't do that then).

It is a mutual relative but the household that I grew up in, I wasn't brought up by my parents.

OP posts:

zipzap · 11/01/2011 20:49

How well do you know the mum? COuld you circumvent it by sorting it out with the mum (and not the dad ie your cousin) - and either agreeing that the mum will bring him or - if
she already has plans for that weekend - that you will both agree that he has been invited but that as he has other plans they have said thank you very much but the cousin's ds isn't able to come because he already has plans that weekend.

That way it will cut your annoying cousin out of the picture, you will have done the right thing by asking the mum as she is the one supposed to be looking after him at the weekend and removed any chance of the obnoxious cousin screwing his ex that weekend by using your party as an excuse...

or stick his invite in the post and accidentally mix up his address (send to 13 instead of 31 or some such, forget the postcode or send it the morning of day before the party so there isn't time for him to get it beforehand and just claim it was the Post Office - mail has been so bad recently that you might as well cross your fingers and use it to your advantage

IAmTheCookieMonster · 11/01/2011 20:51

Invite the mum and not your cousin! Problem solved :-)

Original poster

CrapBag · 11/01/2011 20:52

I don't know the mum that well but we had decided to go through her rather than my cousin so he can't use it as an excuse and it can't be said that I didn't invite them. I will send her a message through facebook (know her well enough to do that) but don't know how to word it as I don't want her to feel like she has to bring him, or that she may say to my cousin that he could bring him (don't know if she would say that).

OP posts:

Booandpops · 11/01/2011 20:57

I can understand your frustration but your relative is doing you a great favour by hosting 19 children for you in there home. I'd swallow it. You will be so busy you prob won't even notice he is there.

AB12 · 11/01/2011 20:58

Good solution. :)

Original poster

CrapBag · 11/01/2011 21:04

I know Boo its just that these stupid family politics piss me right off and I can't be bothered with them, had so many over the years.

I won't be busy btw, will be 37 weeks pregnant, am organising it then I am going to sit in a comfy chair and let DH do it all.

OP posts:

compo · 11/01/2011 21:08

You do know there's no need to have a party for 3 year olds don't you? You could have just had cake at home and your ds would have been happy!

IAmTheCookieMonster · 11/01/2011 21:16

She is his XP, so presumably she won't have a problem with you saying you don't want your cousin to come

curlymama · 11/01/2011 21:40

If you are going to have someone else host your party, then you have to give their feelings a great deal of consideration tbh. It's not like they are trying to invite 3yo's belonging to their friends that you have never met, it's family. YANBU to be a little annoyed, but I don't think there is much you can reasonably do. Directing the invite to the child but through his Mum sounds like the best option.

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