To feel lonely and bored?

[LionsAreScary]

I am a SAHM to 3 DC aged 6 months, 2 1/2 and 6 years. DH works full time. I am lucky in that there aren't any major issues in our lives - i.e. everyone is healthy, we can afford to live etc.

I am not unhappy but I do feel quite low sometimes, really just because I am lonely and bored.

There are a lot of jobs to do as part of my 'job', most of which are routine and I don't get much job satisfaction from them. You probably know the sort of thing, tidying up, doing the shopping, endless washing, etc.

I do have some nice friends but many of them are back at work now and aren't always able to meet up. Sometimes the effort of getting the little ones out of the house just doesn't seem worth it anyway, and I only go out to do the school run.

So is it reasonable to feel lonely and bored or am I missing something? What should I do differently to try to enjoy my kids' childhood days more? (Apart from MN obviously! )

I am in the exact opposite situation to you and am also desperately fed up and bored.

I work. I wish I was in the fortunate position not to have to, but we simply cannot afford to live on just my DP's wage.

I hate my job, my boss is horrible, the people I work with are not very friendly and the job itself offers me no challenge or stimulation. Yet I have no choice as I cannot find another job that offers me the hours I need (0900 - 1500) at the half decent salary that I'm on (and believe me it isn't a fortune by any means).

My day consists of school run, a mad dash to work through all the traffic so I am not late (and face horrible boss's wrath), work in a horrible environment doing pointless paperwork, school run, home, play, dinner, bath, story, bed.

I hate it. I'm exhausted and fed up.

Most of the mums at my DS's school don't work and enjoy coffee mornings, shopping trips, breakfast at each others houses, and I can never join in. They have all formed great friendships and as a result of this their kids often play together after school and my DS always gets left out.

All shopping, housework, washing, ironing, etc has to be done at the weekends too, as I have no time in the week or am too tired.

I guess the point of this rant is that the grass is always greener, huh?

Thanks for additional answers.

LadyT, I have considered looking for a job but there are several restrictions which would make it very difficult for me, DH and all the DC. E.g. to pay for all the childcare for baby and 2 year old, and additional childminder for 6 year old before and after school, I would need to earn alot of money, in a stressful, long hours, sell-your-soul kind of job (similar to what I did before I had DC). Some people have no choice but to do this, and I realise that I am one of the lucky ones in that we can afford for me to be a SAHM.
Weighing it up, (and I have, many times), I have decided that the stress and unhappiness it would cause all of us outweighs the smaller negative of me being bored and lonely.
Fourleaf, by the time I have settled all the kids and finished chores it is well, now, nearly nine pm and honestly I don't much feel like working. Also, I'm not sure working from home in the evenings would stop me being bored and lonely.

The real problem is that I don't have much time to do jobs / courses / follow hobbies. Essentially I have a job... just a boring, lonely one! I am looking after 3 children, 2 of them very small, and just trying to concentrate for long enough to have a phone conversation is difficult. There is always spilt juice, or a nappy to change, or someone scribbling on the walls, or the next round of food to make, or someone to drop or collect.

I think Hully is probably right, that I need to get out more. A friend told me about a Buggy Fit class she used to do which sounded quite good. If nothing else a bit of a push on here might make me get round to doing that.

Sympathy to you, MrsBanana, I suppose at least I am still in my own place and know people around here, even if they aren't always available when I want them!

Just seen this post and had to say, It is awful when you feel so lonely.I have a dd and ds, I love them both so much but there are times where I get so bored.

I don't drive so I don't have that much independance, and if I were to take them out I have no idea where we would go as money is an issue at the moment.

I do try taking them the park when the weather is nice and people do visit sometimes but that's it.

Then when a weekend comes I say to dh can we go... but he can't be bothered as he been out of the house all week.And that is if he hasn't got football to go to!

I totally understand the feeling and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way, I no I love my dc and would not change them but I do often feel like I watch the world pass me by.

Similar thread on Chat here

x post sotired. Your rant is completely justified and perfectly illustrates why I don't get a job... because the job I already do would still need doing at weekends, and I would end up so tired and fed up as well as just bored and lonely...!

If it is any consolation, I don't do much socialising with the school mums. There are two I am very good friends with - but guess what, they both work!

As for coffee mornings, they ain't what they're cracked up to be. After my two year old shredded the cafe in the half hour I grabbed a cup of tea with a friend on Monday, to the tutting of the elderly couple at the next table and the screaming of my baby, I won't be venturing there for fun again anytime soon. My friend's expression was of sympathetic embarrassment.

Now I know loads of lovely mums and tots near where I live, many of whom are at home at least some of the day, but I'm scared to take my toddler off to see other kids his age much at the moment because of all the germs flying about... (he was born with a rare birth defect which makes him more vulnerable than most..spent some time in intensive care...he is well now but I just couldn't bear it to happen again so the germy toddler scene scares me!)

DH works very long hours and I know I'm lucky to be able to stay at home, and I do love being with my son, but I do miss adult company a lot. Oh well - at least there is all the virtual interaction on mumsnet...

I know how you feel! Climbing the Walls with boredom here. Can't do evening classes/weekend courses because of DH's job, looking to do volunteer work as my youngest is at Pre-school every afternoon.
Going running and to the gym helps my frame of mind enormously. When the mornings are lighter I'll go about 6.45 for a run. I am NOT a fit-freak (2 stone overweight having piled on from feeling low!) but it really does set me up for the day. Otherwise a gym with a crèche might be an alternative.

Thanks fox. Gym with a creche sounds great idea. I have a feeling it will be expensive but I should check it out anyway.

I go for a run at the weekend and I'm a bit overweight too... but it is the weeks, not the weekends, which are just a bit dull.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing the point a bit.

I symapthise totally. I am at home with 2 DS's, 2.10 and 10mo. My DP works shifts so that makes doing evening classes etc quite difficult and I'm too knackered to wash my face half the time never mind take up an online course. Same situation with the job too, anything I could earn would be totally negated by childcare and travel costs...

I hear the people who say,oh just go out and they're right,most of the time it does make you feel better. But you sound a bit like me in that you find toddler groups painful (my pre-schooler would best be described as "boisterous") and that sometimes the sheer effort of getting out the house doesn't warrant what you can achieve. Half the time I go out with great intentions but then take longer than expected/the weather turns bad/child starts screaming and then I trudge home in a rush and end up stressed!

So, I get what you mean about missing the point. I love my kids and am so happy in their company but I am never going to be one of these mums who is out everyday making lots of lovely friends whilst hip-hopping between community functions and fundraisers, which I think there is a bit of a pressure to be IMO.

Thanks Chunkamatic, yes, your situation sounds similar probably because of the ages of your DC. I have often set off with good intentions only to end up late and flustered and thinking it wasn't worth the effort.

Funnily enough, it is dealing with a toddler and a baby AT THE SAME TIME that is really hard. When DH is home we often split up and take one each (DS1 is 6 and can choose to go with either!) and it is amazing how much easier it is.

YOu are not dull and negative at all - you are a mum who is bogged down with being a mum! It is normal and natural to feel like you do! Maybe you need to make a few new mum friends and get together while the kids play! Where do you live? Try and find out if some of the lOvely ladies here live near you?

Lionsarescary if you get nothing else from this thread, take from it that you are not alone and many, many of us feel the same.

A lot of people say "do this" of "do that" but it is hard to get motivated when doing something for yourself means you will fall behind on the washing. I know how crap that sounds, I really do, but life with small children (I had 3 under 3 and now have 4 9 and under) seems insurmountable if you try to fit in a bit of something for you.

Try the early morning run (before anyone is awake) when it gets lighter. Its free, its time for you, you'll lose that weight and it will energise you for the day.