To hate living in Manchester (and North in general)

[ILikeMilk]

Moved here four years ago to be with DH, and I still cannot get used to it. We are in a nicest area of Manchester, and it is still feels very provincial and boring. I dream about living in London, but DH does not want to look for a new job. I feel like there is no point and don?t want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family. I went to London this weekend, it was so painful to come back. Does anybody else feel this way?

Allnew, it is out of my control. I cannot feel happy on demand.

They sell polenta in Asian supermarkets, try a trip out to rusholme.

Hale is not Manchester, I would say most people who live there say they live in Cheshire.

you are wrong to claim there is nothing to do, I think you are perhaps depressed

"It is more the atmosphere of London, people being trendier, open-minded, etc. I used to feel that I fit in, but not anymore. I am a bit eccentric, but here people just find me weird."

You're looking in the wrong places. You're in Hale, ffs, that's like living in Henley and calling yourself a Londoner.

I live in London. If I didn't like my job, I'd be back up North like a shot. I LOVE Manchester and miss it still - the Cornerhouse, Trof, Big Hands, the Northern Quarter, the parks in Chorlton, Croma and the Chinese bakery, the chippy on the green.

No, Ilikemilk, you are responsible for your own happiness though.
You are not even attempting to make a new life for yourself, surely you can see that?
You are so pessimistic about living where you do that you are not open to any suggestions.
How can you feel at home in Hale/Manchester when you admit you've not even tried to make your house your home?

isn't there a saying only boring people get bored? I lived in London and now live somewhere in the sticks between Manc and Sheffield. and, in some peoples's minds there is "nothing to do". but only if you lack imagination and umph. I look back on London and I see a large part of the stuff to do as a prop, a substitute, a form of spoon-feeding - much of it grounded in having a choice of 5 or more sorts of coffee and "interesting" shops. make your own entertainment. get out and find the interesting people. do some voluntary work that benefits people who have real problems.

Didsbury is brilliant!

yes there are all the crappy chain bars but it's exactly the same in Islington.

It's really leafy, I live 5 mins from 2 beautiful parks and lovely walks along the mersey valley, every year there is a local arts festival, you can walk to the cinema, 20 mins drive from the City centre and the Peak district, excellent public transport links and so on and so on.

Move out of Hale. That's your problem. I bet if you lived in Didsbury, you'd be furnishing you guest bedroom in no time. No shortage of polenta their either.

Plus "all the best schools" are not necesarily in Hale.If you are sending them to state schools, there are plenty of other schools that are excellent in S. Manchester. If you pay any attention to the Ofstead reports, there are a number of other "excellent" schools out there. If you're sending you're kids to a private school, it doesn't matter where you live as long as you can drive.

That's not a reason to stay in Hale.

there

re Polenta - they sell polenta in my local Asda in rougharse Gloucester.

I don't think polenta is the barometer of aspirational living, tbh.

"No nice streets or galleries"?? In Manchester?? Erm, have you been into central Manchester recently?

OP, it sounds like this really isn't about Manchester per se. You sound depressed, like you just want to be down south. (I can't really blame you, try moving from London to a Midlands town!) I think you should take on board some of the advice here - a move to a different area? A job?

I dont even like polenta, LOL. It was another poster that mentioned it...

I went to uni in Manchester and hated every minute of the 3 years I lived there!!! So depressing and its true what they say, it does seem to rain a lot more in Manchester then it does anywhere else!!! Having said that though, I'm a country girl at heart and missed the countryside and the smell of cow poo!!!!
I agree with what others are saying and it sounds like you're going to be there for a while so you should try and make the most of it and make some friends. If you decorate your house it may start to feel more like home. At the end of the day if you keep fighting it your going to be unhappy for a long time so chin up put yourself out there and meet some new people and if you still don't like it at least you can turn round to the DH and say that you've tried.

sorry - my tone was a bit harsh. moving is difficult - but you need to make the best of it. and looking wistfully back to London won't do it. again - genuine apologies for my tone - I hope you start to find what want.

"I cannot feel happy on demand" - no, but that doesn't stop you adopting a positive attitude for the sake of your children. Nor does it stop you unpacking or making your house feel like a home for them. When you have children, your responsibility is their happiness, rather than your own preferences. So either you move back to London, or you get on with it and be more positive.

As I said, I really would prefer to live in my home country, and often feel really homesick that I don't. But I think of my son's childhood and want that to be filled with happiness, regardless of where I'd prefer to live. If he had to look at my mopey face and unpacked boxes every day then I imagine he'd feel very unsettled and unhappy.

Hey, let's sort it all out!! Give us a budget, we'll find you a nice house in a better place. :)

Cant move to a different area as DH thinks it will be wrong to sell the house. Mortgage states we cannot rent it out. Cant get a job because I got a toddler and doing my phd part time.

I live in London (get me) and I love it but while I miss my family in Manchester and I love going 'home' DH & I choose where we were going to live together. If moving back to London really isn't an option then you need to spend some time going to toddler groups in different parts of Manchester (Chorlton & Didsbury are good places) to see where you'd like to live so you can at least move out of Hale. I'm a shocker for whinging and not pulling my finger out but surely all these people are giving you options so maybe it wouldn't hurt to do some ground work yourself...might make you feel better about things? For what it's worth we've moved 'out' of central London, not too far but far enough that I had to start all over again with making friends for me and the DC's - I don't like having to be the newbie but usually people are kind and friendly and it's worth the effort.

Good luck

LBsmum's right, is Hale taking more stick than it deserves? Sounds like you need some headspace, wherever that may be.

If you think you can learn to love it, have outdoors days in the Peak District, or coffee-and-film days round the Northern Quarter.

If you've tried that, and it's not that you feel depressed, give your DP/DH a date by which you want to move to London.

My heart goes out to you. This year, and the last few, have been horrible for those without the wealth, ambition and success to really go for things.

In 2008/9 I moved cities about 5 times, not always for paid work. I'm in London now, don't love it, but I'm gloriously happy to have a say in where I live and what I do for a living. Best of luck.

Hey you didn't mention the PhD! What in? Is it going OK?

"I look back on London and I see a large part of the stuff to do as a prop, a substitute, a form of spoon-feeding "

Well exactly hatwoman. If my DC tell me 'I'm bored?' I tell them to find something to do. There is always something to do just not always the same as they are expecting.

Look at it this way OP, you are where you are for a period of time. Make the best of it, look for the positives, and maybe in a few years you'll be off again. If you try hard enough you might end up not wanting to go. Make some effort fgs!

I lived about 20 minutes from Hale for over 15 years. Can't say I've really missed it from the moment I left. I do miss my friends, and I miss the easy life (Chester/Manchester/Liverpool for brilliant shopping, cinemas, theatres, loads of things to do with the kids, proximity to the Lakes and Peaks) and I even miss the ritual of getting dressed up when I go out (don't need to round here!) but even though I had lived in the North for the majority of my adult life, it never really felt like home. And that is no fault of the area, or anyone in it, it's because my heart always lay with another area of the country, where the shopping is mostly crap, the nearest decent theatres are miles away and it takes forever to get anywhere, but it's where I was brought up, and it's home.

So, OP, don't pick on Hale (or wherever), just accept that you can't take London out of the Londoner...

Betty, did not want to mention it as too scared to be outed by Hale crowd LOL.

OP - you have to make an effort when you move to a new place. You can't just sit back and say "well, here I am, Manchester. Impress me." There are all sorts of things that you can do pretty much anywhere. We have just moved south-west having lived in London for ten years and it is much easier to find things to do outside London as it is not such a mission to get to places.

You seem absolutely determined to be miserable and I am sorry to say that it does come across as a bit of snobbery. You say you hate living in "the north in general". Which bits of "the north in general" have you been to? Have you been to the Yorkshire dales? To York? To the Lake District? To Durham? Alnwick? Morpeth? Berwick? The north is not just a homogenous lump of not-Londoness. Again, you need to make a bit of an effort.

You say you lived in Clifton and liked it. Of course you did. It's an expensive, pretty little area with lots of quaint little shops and yummy mummies wandering around looking yummy. What's not to like? It's not the only expensive, pretty, quaint, yummy area in the country.

You do seem a bit inclined to dump all responsibility for your unhappiness at your DH's door. If you feel that powerless as a SAHM have you thought about going back to work? Or perhaps just going out and getting the details for houses in another area that appeals to you more? I would be more inclined to think about changing your own outlook and being a bit more proactive rather than sitting thinking that London would solve all your problems.