To hate living in Manchester (and North in general)

[ILikeMilk]

Moved here four years ago to be with DH, and I still cannot get used to it. We are in a nicest area of Manchester, and it is still feels very provincial and boring. I dream about living in London, but DH does not want to look for a new job. I feel like there is no point and don?t want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family. I went to London this weekend, it was so painful to come back. Does anybody else feel this way?

I'm not trying to make her think Manchester is marvellous, but if she is bl**dy miserable all the time, then she should really do something about it, for their sakes if nothing else.

And all this "DH says this, DH says that" - you must at some point have made the decision that it was ok for him to hold all the power in your relationship, and that, as a consequence of this, your preferences would not always be paramount?

London is okay to visit but to live? It is filthy, the crime rate is high the streets aren't safe of a night.

Allnew, fair enough, but even before we got married and I sold my property and moved over here, he always stayted that if I am not happy there is always way back. He is also moaning about how he hates it here and his job, but does not do anything to change it.

Just to add - saw your post about not being able to be happy on demand.
Maybe not - but being happy isn't always something you feel. It can be something you do. If you are unhappy because you are bored then find something to do that you enjoy and you may well find that you are less unhappy.

is your PhD based at the University? Do you go up there much, there's usually theatre/lectures/other evenst going on up there and all along Oxford road. I agree manchester has been hit very hard by the recsiion and the rows of empty shop units are horrible. Also the fact that the city centre is losing it's identity a bit and becoming very chainified.

did you go ice skating in Spinningfields at Christmas and to the Christmas markets? That's a great day out in itself.

re your mortgage chnage it to a buy to let then move and rent in a different area yourself.

Join a Didsbury/Chorlton based book group, start going out in those areas in the eve. restaurants in Chorlton esp very family friendly (try Greens and Croma).

I have lived up north ( Yorkshire though) and there are nice places and things to do up north. I do prefer London but that might only be because I met my partner in London. Umm I don't know anything about Manchester though. Only the two train stops down south- Manchester piccadilly and Manchester airport

Well if you're truly that unhappy and he doesn't care, then maybe you should split and move to London. You certainly don't seem willing to listen to any alternatives

Well, its not that easy. I cannot support myself and the kids at a good level in London, so there is no point to move, as I wont be able to afford even polenta from Morrison's LOL

So basically your reason for enjoying London is dependent upon DH's affluence, and without his wealth this would be pointless. Yet all the museums/galleries etc you mentioend are presumably free? Do you mean you'd have to live in a 'cheaper' area? Or not have so much in common with your friends any more? Could you afford it if you got a job?

I don't want to come across all xenia, but this is what happens when you make yourself financially dependent on a man. In doing so, you have to accept the risk that you have no say whatsoever in stuff

You dont sound like you are making much effort tbh.

You need to make an effort to get the best out of any situation.

Why's everyone banging on about polenta ??

It tastes like gritty spunk

Well, I used to have a good job and could afford a property with a reasonable mortgage. Now I got kids, and also a husband to support if we'll move to London without him finding a job there first. I doubt i'll be earning enough to provide them in the same manner that DH supports us right now up North. Maybe in a million years...

Well, there's your problem. You are relying upon your DH to fund a big life change that he is simply not that fussed about. If London is that big a deal to you then you have the option of investigating jobs, housing, childcare etc with a view to moving yourself there. Although to be honest if the only thing stopping you from leaving your husband and moving to London is the financial side of things then you have bigger problems than the area you live in.

Do you actually want to be with him? If you do, then you need to have a serious discussion about compromise. You can't force him to move back to London and, while I don't for one minute think that being a SAHM should make you subservient to his wishes, you do need to give some consideration to the fact that the non-earning partner may foster a good deal of resentment in the earning-partner if she tries to force a move that is for her personal social reasons, not for work or for the whole family.

Why not talk about a move to another area? If he refuses to compromise at all then you have a problem. But there are options you can look at. They may not all lead to the perfect lifestyle you want, but we all have to compromise on some things in order to get the things that are most important to us. If husband/family are most important to you then your compromise will probably have to be the north. If London is mos important then your compromisemay have to be size of house/standard of living etc

I think I'd be peed off too, if I had sold my property and moved for DH, on the express agreement that if I wasn't happy, we'd move, only to have him renege on that deal.

What's the bigger issue, here, OP? Is it really the area you're living in? You say that you haven't even unpacked some of your stuff- did you ever intend to settle in, or were you always angling to move back to London? Were you fully up for the whole idea in the first place, or do you feel you were pressured into it and wanted to keep a loophole open?

Seems to me this is not so much about where you're living as who you're living with and how you're feeling about him.

You could try doing a new deal with your DH- you'll give it one full year, throw yourself 100% into making friends, settling in etc. It at the end of that year you're still unhappy, you move- with him or without him.

Well I've got kids too but I earn the same as I did before. Having kids doesn't necessarily mean not having a good job - it's a decision. You made the decision, presumably, to give up a good job and in doing so, your DH now holds the decision-making power (obviously doesn't have to be this way, but it is in your case). So either you get on with it and try to make the most of your life, or you get yourself a job and some equality in the decision-making process

And I don't mean to sound harsh, but I guess your judgementalness has rubbed off and made me feel a little impatient with you

Why don't you rent while you're waiting for him to get a job?

Manchester has nice parts?

YANBU I hate the North/West Midlands.

Everything from the accents, I just think is dreary and boring.

Could be worse, you could be living in the N/E and have Cheryl Cole accents everywhere you go

I am an accent snob. So shoot me.

Ladyofthemanor- is it ok to base your opinion of someone on their place of birth (ie accent)? Is that not just as bad as racism? Or are you just trying to wind us up?

ilikemilk, you lived in london as a single career woman and in Manchester as a wife and mother. Maybe what you are nostalgic about is not london itself but the carefree years.

If you went back to london now you wouldn't live the way you lived then, would you?

There was a thread about Hackney the other day and i felt nostalgic. Because hackney to me represents my young self. Full of energy and dreams, fit, going to bars, festivals. And Barnet (where i'm now) is full of families and i'm mother of 3 and middle age etc.

I agree with Kung, if the only reason you stay with your dh is financial then thats the crucial point and the most sad.

Well a lot of women are with men for financial reasons but there is usually some kind of acceptance that there is a trade off at some level, no?

You sound miserable, but I don't think it's because Manchester isn't a good place to live.

It sounds like you've moved house to somewhere where you don't know anyone, you've given up a well-paid career that you enjoyed and where you got to meet people, you're financially dependent on your DH when you used to have your own independence, you're doing a part-time PhD which is incredibly lonely and demanding and difficult no matter how much you love the subject, and you've got two small demanding children to look after. I'm not surprised you're finding it very tough. Have a great big Northern hug. [Northernhug]

The funny thing is that all the things you're looking for are things that I associate with Manchester. Having moved down south, I miss the quirky, trendy, open-minded people of Manchester. I miss the sheer amount of stuff going on, and the huge range of things to do for kids. I miss the nice streets, and the easy access to the countryside.

I think the real thing you need to do is to meet people you like, and then you'll find out where they live, and where they go at the weekends, and so on.

Have you tried looking right across Manchester for groups that you could join? I agree that you might feel happier in Didsbury / Chorlton - although we may have misinterpreted, and you might feel those areas weren't very smart.

You sound depressed tbh.

If you're not happy, you need to make a practical plan, and take steps towards achieving that.

Plenty of women have toddlers and work- if you find a job now, you could start saving towards funding your move.

Maybe you need to look further afield than UK? Paris or Madrid or Florence perhaps?

FWIW - I wouldn't live in London unless I could afford somewhere I'd be happy- Eldon Rd W8 for example... but it's never going to happen!

Not just an accent snob, Ladyofthemanor, and incredibly insulting and ignorant to boot.

I likemilk, OK. You're stuck here. So what are you going to do to make yourself happier?

How about trying something new every week? Visit somewhere new, something you perhaps wouldn't have thought of, loads of ideas on this thread.

And London is less than 2 hours away by train, DH goes to London for the day regularly.

You're not stranded! Embrace your new life, have a positive attitude, force a smile on your face and get off your arse and explore. You may even enjoy yourself!

I didn't base an opinion. I just dislike those particular accents.

If I had that makes them sound "working" class, or erm middle class for that matter, then I'd be placing a opinion.