To hate living in Manchester (and North in general)

[ILikeMilk]

Moved here four years ago to be with DH, and I still cannot get used to it. We are in a nicest area of Manchester, and it is still feels very provincial and boring. I dream about living in London, but DH does not want to look for a new job. I feel like there is no point and don?t want to decorate the house, make friends, etc, I just fantasise about being in London every single day. There is not much to do here, no nice streets or galleries, not much to do on the weekends as a family. I went to London this weekend, it was so painful to come back. Does anybody else feel this way?

I'm moving from London to rural Cumbria this year. Can everyone in Cumbria stop saying to the OP "at least you aren't in boring, grassy, no shops Cumbria". Thank you!

lol ensure. I am sure it is very nice, lots of cowpats fresh air etc

Ilikemilk, I didn't read all 12 pages but I would say if you have been there 4 years and have hated it all this time, you need to have a plan to move on. This does not mean it is something which is going to be implemented in 2011 necessarily but if Manchester is not for you, maybe you had really best look into trying somewhere else.

Sounds like you really need to print a few tshirts with "I am not from Poland even if I sound like I am from Poland" which may or may not help.

I wouldn't say London is good and Manchester is bad. For one thing, I don't know Manchester so really couldn't say. The point is it doesn't suit you and life is too short to hang about being miserable for years on end if you could do something else.

I'm presuming you have already explained in the pages I haven't read why you are stuck there and why your dh wants to stay etc, so won't ask you about that. Take it the relationship is generally good and anyway you want to keep the family intact, so your problem is how to convince dh to move. If it were me you had to convince, I would want to see some positive reasons and a concrete job with good income etc so it looks like a perfectly viable possibility. Get your phD under your belt and then see where you go from there.

Bloody bloody bloody hell.

As an exiled Manc forced through work to have to live in Stoke-on-Trent, your posts make me want to deck you.

I'd suggest you get your arse into gear and find out some history of my great and wonderful city. Go on one of the walking tours to open your eyes about it's industrial past, which opened up the world, and along with a whole load of other dirty, grey Northern cities, helped the South become the soft-handed rich place it is now. Look upwards at the fantastic Palladian warehouse buildings and work out which rich Hale-resident capitalist revolutionaries built them. Go to the Free Trade Hall (now a hotel - erk) and look up the history of the Peterloo massacre. Get your lazy arse on your immensely convenient tram that most of us don't have access to and get yourself to the docks in Salford where there is now a Lowry gallery in the Lowry Centre, and the Imperial War Museum. Find out about Manchester's industrial past at the people's history museum. Go to the Whitworth, Platt Fields museum, City Art gallery. Go and have coffee and watch the trendy kids in the Northern Quarter. Do a tour of the fabulous mock-Gothic townhall. Try Wythenshawe and Heaton Parks. And all the other fantastic public spaces in the city. Jeez, you have Dunham and Tatton parks on your fecking doorstep and you're moaning.

Spend the day mooching round little shops in Chorlton, or Didsbury, or Heaton Moor. Try a curry in Rusholme. Do a tour of the Bluecamp or the Theatre of Hate in Old Trafford.

Honestly, it's embarrassing how little imagination you have.

ZZZenAgain Haha, thanks for cheering me up! I like the idea of having a timescale for the move, after putting my thoughts in writing and reading replies in this thread I realised that I'll never feel at home in Manchester and staying is not really a choice.

she wouldn't want to go to any of those places because people would be asking her about Polish food. what is it with Mancunians and Polish food anyway? I can't help thinking the best thing would be to give in to local pressure and open a Polish restaurant.

Empathy with the op. I know what it's like to be dreadfully homesick for the South.

YABU - go out and see what's around rather than feeling sorry for yourself!

I'm shocked anyone can defend Stockport, it really is a dump.I grew up in Bramhall/Wilmslow and spent most Saturdays hanging around Stockport town centre (mainly in the grey miserable rain IIRC) so I speak with some authority here. Nipped into Stockport when we were up after Christmas...still a dump. It would make me cry too.

On the other hand, I do like Wilmslow, and the centre of Manchester is great. I do understand about not liking where you live, but can you not put a plan in place with your DH so in x number of years you will go back to London?

I will try lucky. Wilmslow is great, but it is not Notting Hill, lol.

You won't feel at home in Manchester because you are determined not to like it, you have the wrong mindset about this, Ilikemilk, honestly.

If it is not feasible to move at the moment then at least try and find things to enjoy in the meantime.

Honestly, you just seem determined to wallow and your not even trying to see any positives.

who defended Stockport?

YANBU. I live an hour away from London and it's already too far.

Wilmslow is all fur coat and no knickers imo.

Please, Ilikemilk, just have a go at trying to enjoy yourself. There have been so many ideas and suggestions on this thread.

Make your house a home and throw yourself into finding things you do like rather than picking fault and comparing everywhere with London. They are 2 different cities, both have positives and negatives and you are no longer the person you were when you lived in London anyway, you are a Wife and Mother now. You may find living in London different now in any case.

No I agree. I moved to London for university(Camden not Notting Hill!) lived there on and off for years and now I'm stuck in the midlands so I have some empathy. I also lived in Tokyo for two years, and I pined for London then a great deal - nothing actually to do with there being nothing to do in Tokyo, or it not being a totally amazing place, it just wasn't where my friends and places I was familiar with were.

silly woman-the North is wonderful-Manchester has a great University, theatres,concerts,galleries,restaurants,amazing schools,a thriving cafe society,excellent shops,parks,sport-not just football-cricket,lacrosse etc too and the friendliest nicest people you could hope to find.I wouldnt live in London for free.In fact I dont much like cities but if I had to live in a big one then Manchester would be top of my list.

ZZZenagain - All the people who were so shocked that she cried when she got to Stockport. I just think that's a perfectly normal reaction!

Lizzylou - At least it has a fur coat. Stockport is dirty mac and no knickers. :)

Why not look at somewhere like Didsbury?

I live in the North and love it. A little while ago I lived a few miles away and hated it. I disliked the area and the people. It just wasn't me. One short move later and I'm nearer the city and a lot happier. Perhaps you don't have to move so far away to alter your life?

Oh I am no fan of Stockport (centre anyway).

I do think that the Op just needs to pull herself together and try things out, she has already said that they can't move back to London at the moment anyway. So why not just stop wallowing and explore?

I know I started slagging off the Midlands at the start of this thread but am now feeling rather defensive of it. Like "I can slag my mum off but no-one else can" type of thing

I love the Plaza in Stockport, that's about it. Have you been there Ilikemilk? Gorgeous art deco building, with an organ that changes colour!

Wilmslow isn't that bad! Alderley Edge is much more pretentious. But I would move to Prestbury like a shot if I could. I like hills! (But not Macc. That has too many hills.)

I moved from London to Yorkshire. Lived in London all my life before then. It was a culture shock as we moved to a small mining town. I settled in quite quickly. However, my sister got of the train, saw that there wasn't a local m&s and cried. She hated it from day one and never tried to settle and make friends. She moved away as soon as she could and has only returned for 2 visits in the past 15 years ( we visit her though). She says she hates Yorkshire.
I would never live in London again and love where I live.
Do you think that as you were given a get out clause from the beginning that you didn't settle. Perhaps you thought that you would never stay and therefore didn't immerse yourself in your community.
It is quite easy to socialise when you gave small children. As it looks unlikely that your dh will move I would suggest that you join some groups and make more local friends. You can then go out together and this in itself makes things more fun

are Mancunians suspicious of foreigners though? Does she have a point? Because however many nice places there may be with organs changing colour (interesting associations...) , if she feels people don't like her, she isn't going to be happy, is she?

ZZZen - Manchester is hugely cosmopolitain and multi-cultural. I know quite a few mums of different nationalities (Polish, Spanish, Russian) who go along to some of the local toddler groups and they are treated the same as everyone else. From reading comments from the OP, I would guess that if people are suspicious of her, or don't warm to her, then it is probably due to her attitude and reluctancy to make any sort of attempt to fit in!

never been there so I wouldn't know and if I did go, I suppose I wouldn't pick up th same vibes, not being a foreigner.

I was just thinking you could go to Stockport with the best intentions in the world but if everyone you passed was throwing suspicious glances at you and muttering something that sounded a lot like "another bloody Pole" , it would be hard to warm to the place.

Well this is a bit flippant but nevertheless true: when I am down, what picks me up fastest and best is dancing (so long as I like the music). Honestly, haven't as I said read the whole thread but no doubt people suggested getting into some sport which usually includes socialising to some extent. You have to build up a social life bit by bit and it snowballs. Maybe though if you have dc and a phD to work on, you just don't have much time/energy for things at the moment.