My dh needs teaching a lesson!! Any suggestions??

[mummaxmas]

I'm so fed up with my childish dh acting like a spoilt brat, he needs a short sharp lesson in growing up and being a man! We have 2 ds and one on the way and the lazy sod does nothing to help! More than that he expects me to clean up after him and is never grateful! What can I do to teach him a lesson?? (or punish him, whatevers better!!!)

You could sit down and talk to him about how you feel.

Walk out and leave him to look after the DSs for a weekend/longer? I think it would be unfair just to disappear but give him some notice and stay with friends/family.

stop tidying up after him. only do yours and the DC's washing. Cancel his Sky sports subscription. Disconnect his x-box. take the battery out of his laptop.... if all else fails pack his bag and send him back to his mother with the words "i have enough children here thank you"

What scurryfunge said. By trying to 'teach him a lesson' you're being just as childish. Presumably you have let him get away with being a lazy sod for this long?

I agree with Scurry. You need to usefully and effectively communicate how you feel. No childish games, just two adults talking without accusations or brattishness.

Would writing him a letter be an option?

Good luck.

I would suggest that you stop having babies with someone who doesn't contribute to their care. Also stop clearing up after him. He takes you for granted because you have allowed him to. I would have a very frank conversation about expectations and responsibilities and if he doesn't improve, then I would consider living without him. He either cares enough about you to help care for your family or he doesn't.

Ignore any of the passive aggressive shit that people are going to post on here (let his tea get cold and any of that crap).

Speak to him like an adult, explain your difficulties. Get in an outside help if you genuinely can't agree on what needs to change. Are you really doing more than your fair share, does he agree and then still not help, or does he simply not agree? Does he respect your input into the running of the house (in it or with outside work)? How is his own family structured - his parents and upbringing? Were things always like this, or has it changed since DCs, etc?

Too many questions.

Personally, I wouldn't be having number 3 with my DH if he did nothing at all to help!

I don't agree with teaching someone a lesson, or punishing them per se, as I think the 'message' can often get lost if you resort to shock tactics. I know it sounds boring, but the old sitting down and talking to him usually works IME.

p.s. perhaps it's easiest to consider the following: Continuing to have children, and live with this man, is meant to enhance your life.

A friend who recently left her fiance (2 kids together tho) told me that she realised she shouldn't go ahead with the wedding when he went away for a week with work and she had more time, was much more relaxed, and had less work to do around the house with him away. That's not how it's meant to be - living with your loved ones is supposed to share the load, enrich your life and the life of your loved ones. If that isn't happening, and hasn't been for a long time, you have bigger worries than your immediate question on how to "punish" him for his attitude.

Not sure thats the best way forward, but if you really have tried everything else & he won't talk/listen & actually HEAR you, then I'm a firm believer in if you won't hear me, then feel it,

Take the kids, empty the cupboards of food etc & leave him for a few days - but you have to be prepared that it might back fire & he might actually be so much of a big kid that you give him a taste of freedom & he decides he prefers it, though if he's THAT bad, you are probably best off without him anyway

Secretly look around at cheapo holiday camps & maybe take yourself off to one of those for a few days, theres probably plenty of bargains around at the moment, the Kids will love it, so not really notice Daddies missing & you can spend a bit of quality time with them WITHOUT the stress of being annoyed at what your DP DOESN"T do to help.....let him worry, no contact for a few daysit will give him time to realize what he's missing & it might even do the same for you too...or not as the case may be

good luck

He used to be very good, then he kinda gave up, and with no 3 on the way he is seriously regressing! I have tried to talk to him but he always says 'well what can I say?' and I can't put words in his mouth because he won't follow them thru. I tried not cleaning up after him but I don't want to live in a slum so I end up doing it. I don't want to leave my kids for a week as I'd just worry. I don't want to give him marching orders either as I worry it willbe irrapairable. Miracle solution please anyone ????

Rockinhippy I love it !! Thank you, I think I'll do just that !!

Enjoy your break mummaxmas I hope you manage to get through to him & it all works out for you all...wishing you the very best of luck :)

Go away with the kids and hide the remote / x box / whatever in the laundry basket. If he is anything like my DH he won't even know where the laundry basket is, nevermind look in it.

Better still, go away without the kids, hide all the stuff they play with and let him deal with it. Leave the fridge empty, let him do it all.

Oh I am so good at stuff in theory, but I fail miserably in practice

kill him

I agree with hully, you could 'arrange' an accident before going on the holiday and thus deflect attention away from yourself?

talk with him. Also can you both have allocated jobs each day? You could decide between you what they are if you present him with a list of all the jobs you do. With equal responsibility for child care and jobs at weekends though.

i also have a huge box and i chuck anything he leaves around the house in to the box. Letters/dirty socks/dirty pants/trainers/tools/to do lists/games etc ....they all pile up and after a while he just has to sort them out. It's not revenge as such but means it's out from under my feet.

Hilly, I like your idea, buts it's a bit drastic ha ha

Like the idea of the box tho, I'm gonna do that! Tho he'll probably never sort it!

Great post frgr.

The bit about enriching your life and sharing the load should be required reading for anyone who posts an AIBU thread complaining about a DH that won't pull his weight. Such a simple concept really yet some people find it nearly impossible to understand.

OP, sit your DH down, tell him you won't be putting up with it anymore and then DON'T. Let him know either things are going to change on his end of it, or you'll make changes yourself and he might not like them.

Or sigh be yet another woman on MN who deep down is afraid to take any real action and so will continue to enable him, allow herself to be treated badly, and then complain about it on AIBU.