new job

[Kitsichick]

I am starting a new job, two days a week later this week initially for three months at a place about 40 miles from here, revising all their martketing stuff.

It will be the first job I have had since my car accident two years ago and since my arthritis stabilised a bit.

Initially I was really excited but now I am TERRIFIED- I have got used to being at home alone all day- DH travels a lot and although I used to be an HR Director and worked in the USA and worldwide I can't believe I am the same person who used to address meetings of literally- hundreds of people and was respected.

This job is a good, well paid daily rate and I don't know why I am being so nervous- I just don't want to lose it and I am so worried my social skills will be out of sync after such a long absence.

I don't mean to belittle it but it should be something I can do in my sleep after all the things I have done before- so why am I feeling like this and how can I get over it?

Half of me would really love it if they changed their mind but I KNOW I need to work to keep my brain active- we don't need the money although its nice to be able to help out parents and family of course-

but I just feel like a 'fraud' Does this make sense to anyone or am I totally barking?

It does make sense that you are nervous. Don't worry - just see how your first day goes and take it from there. Be yourself, don't try to hard to be sociable and get on with the job. In these times they are very unlikely to have employed you if they don't think you are up to it! GOOD LUCK!

I'm bloody good at my job, staff reports say so, staff say so, bosses come and ask my opinion on what they should be doing - and I still feel a fraud!

I wonder when they will catch me out!! We have discussed this a few times at work and at dinner parties and you would be amazed how many people feel the same way.

It is usually competent intelligent people who could do their job standing on their heads, but see colleagues get it wrong over and over again.

I don't think you should strive to get over it, this feeling keeps us re-examining how and why we do things and ensures we don't get mired in the "because we have always done it this way" school of thought.

Interesting TR- I have coached a number of senior execs- men and women and it is usually the women who say they think they will 'be found out'. One was a lady in
charge of a £16m budget worried because she did not have O level maths from forty years ago- and she was doing a great job.

In my last job my number 2- sadly female- stabbed me in the back so badly I eventually left that job and she then went on to take the job. She knew so much about me, my worries, my strengths etc and I had taken her under my wing to groom her for better things- well- she got them! I guess that experience still haunts me.

Why do women (seem to) take things more personally than men? and I speak as someone who has worked at FTSE 100 Board Level.