to be pissed off my friend won't come to my DS's birthday

[rostbeef]

We have been friends for years, my son's birthday is this weekend and she, her DH and DD have been invited. And ACCEPTED the invite. Its his 1st Birthday so I feel really proud. Today she says she hasn't really thought about it oops and she needs a clear week and weekend at home with her DD (6months) to get her into a routine as she is not sleeping. Can she let me know, but probably won't be able to make it after all.
I mean WTF? Its important to me. She should make the effort. I know she is sleep deprived but who the eff isn't as a parent! Am I being a bitch? Or is she!?

First birthday parties are for the parents, not the baby. So I can see that you are a little put out by her declining your invitation.

But she is telling you on the Monday that she can't make it at the Weekend. She's given you plenty of warning, perhaps you can meet up during this week instead? And - as is my stock answer to wedding invites threads - you have issued an INVITATION. Not a summons. She doesn't HAVE to attend.

I love the comment "this is like when PFBs collide".

It seems like you're taking her not coming as a personal affront to you and your DS, like she's saying you're not worth the effort.

But it's not 'I've supported you, now you owe me', it sounds like it's a matter of survival for her.

Why would you be so hard on her?

It's a special day for you and your ds, not for your friend who seems to also have a pfb and wishes to sort out a routine.

"I do understand what it feels like. thats why I know she could come."

No, you know you would/could have in those circs, but everybody is different, and copes with things differently.

Try and have a bit of compassion - and that doesn't mean 'I handled it so you should'.

D

all right all right. I AM BU.
I didn't let her know I was pissed off honestly. I said that it was fine.
OK, I will stop feeling sorry for myself and get it together. Deliaskis you are right - its a day for me and my DH really. I am being a diva.

Right. I am off to tend to the every whim of my darling PFB!!!!!!!

Until next time Mumsnetters.

And PFB peace was restored .

You're going to have a lovely time anyway!

D

Good on you rostbeef for admitting it

You'll have a great party and no doubt your DS will hugely enjoy smearing the cake into his hair

'Its his 1st Birthday so I feel really proud'

This phrase is ridiculously PFB. Get a grip!

Ooh, sorry OP, you already got a grip

do something lovely together....

at muira

Well done rostbeef for saying yabu. But you should feel proud, it's a massive achievement to get to a year without killing a) the baby b) your DP or c) yourself!

Does she live near you? Why don't you pop round with a slice of cake and bottle of wine after the party. She might appreciate that you've understood her reasons for staying home and you've still made her part of the celebration.

I've never got the point of 1st Birthday parties to be honest...and I have to say if I had a 6month old baby, I would put him/her before anything like that.

If your child was older...say 3+ and was going to be disappointed at the no show, then I would of course make an effort...but not for a 1yr old who wont even know what a birthday is.

Say as a good friend would "I understand and if you want any help - please ask"

I can understand why you are hurt as it sounds like a really lame excuse.

Dont want to sound patronising but you have years and years of organising birthday parties ahead of you (my 4 year old is currently planning hers which is in JULY). These early birthdays are for you the baby doesnt have a clue whats going on so make the most of it. My friend and her DH took their baby to the park with a bottle of champagne. Now thats an approach I admire .

Fair play for taking comments on board rostbeef