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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to be ok with this?

25 replies

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:03

I've been invited to the 50th birthday party of a guy I used to go out with 25 years ago. It's a big do in the town in which I went to school. There will be loads of old friends going of whom I haven't seen in years. I will have to stay at my sister's for the night and return to London the following day (it's 300 miles away). DH thought it odd that I would be invited and seems to have an issue with it. He asked me if I would be ok with him going to an ex girlfriend's party in another city - and I said yes I would be fine with it which I think he finds odd too.

OP posts:

mutznutz · 10/01/2011 10:04

Is he not invited too?

ENormaSnob · 10/01/2011 10:05

Are you in contact with the birthday person?

If not then I find it odd.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/01/2011 10:08

My DH would't be bothered in the slightest, nor would I mind if he went to the party of someone he knew 25 years ago.

Hassled · 10/01/2011 10:09

I think it's fine, but it does seem a bit strange that he's not going too. Assuming he was invited and you have childcare issues or something meaning he can't go, then absolutely fair enough - go one your own and have fun.

wheresmejumper · 10/01/2011 10:09

Id have no bother with you going to the party unless the invite is out of the blue.

friedtoacrisp · 10/01/2011 10:10

Nothing odd about it at all. Go and enjoy yourself and leave DH to think about himself.

bupcakesandcunting · 10/01/2011 10:12

300 miles is a bit of a trek to attend an ex-from-25-years-ago's party, IMO. Unless you have subsequently become bessie mates with your ex, in which case your husband, presumably, wouldn't be arsed about you going.

It sounds like you're travelling 300 miles for the birthday party of a distant acquaintance. Sounds odd.

thebrownstuff · 10/01/2011 10:24

I'm assuming that you want to go to catch up with old school friends not just party guy. what I find odd is that dh appears not to be invited?

exexpat · 10/01/2011 10:25

Sounds to me like it's more of an excuse for an old school friends' reunion - can't see a problem with that. If your ex was the only person there that you would know I can see why your DH might be a bit .

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:25

The main reason I'm going is because it's going to be quite a reunion of loads of friends i haven't seen for ages. I'm going with a good friend who's travelling from Sheffield. My DH has never met ex BF, and the last time I saw him was about 7 years ago. He has been happily married himself for over 10 years. He has also been quite ill with cancer recently. I'm not in touch with him but his DW has invited me through other mutual friends.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbityhat · 10/01/2011 10:27

No, your dh should not have a problem with it at all. Sounds fun - hope you have a great time .

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:27

DH could come if he wanted to but I know he would not want to. He's not into parties and would not want to have a night out with loads of people he's never met.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 10/01/2011 10:30

If you are married it seems odd for your husband also to not be invited, although I doubt mine would be keen to go if I'd know loads of people and he'd know no-one.
It all sounds quite innocent though.

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:30

Also a good excuse for a quick visit to my sister - it's quite a trek and expensive for us all to go esp as she has no room for us to stay so we always have to pay for hotel (we have 2 dc).

OP posts:

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:32

It's not that he's not invited - there was no formal invitation just a couple of my old friends emailed me to ask if I was coming as it's a "more the merrier" kind of do.

OP posts:

Takeresponsibility · 10/01/2011 10:33

300 miles to party with an ex without your husband is unreasonable.

300 miles on the invite of the wife of a dying schoolfriend (who happens to be an ex), and a last chance to get the "gang" together is perfectly reasonable.

If your OP is indicative of how you explained the party to hubby then I can see why he has a problem, you need to explain the whole issue.

OTheHugeManatee · 10/01/2011 10:33

I'm still friends with quite a few of my exes. Some of them are still part of a larger network of friends. I don't think it's weird to want to get together with loads of old friends.

So you shagged 25 years ago - that hardly means you're going to get it on again now, does it? But it may be that your DH feels threatened by you spending time a long distance away, with people that you shared lots of stuff with that he wasn't part of. He might be feeling a bit insecure generally. Not saying this is reasonable, just that it's quite normal.

bibbitybobbityhat · 10/01/2011 10:41

"300 miles to party with an ex without your husband is unreasonable".

I don't think its unreasonable at all!

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 10:41

Good point Takeresponsibility - maybe I did not present it well enough. I did say though that the main reason for going is to see old friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

hillbilly · 10/01/2011 11:24

I'm really looking forward to it - it's also my first night away from both Dc's (aged 5 and 3).

OP posts:

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/01/2011 11:32

"300 miles to party with an ex without your husband is unreasonable".

Puts me right off ever getting married if people feel they can't invite me to something without inviting my husband.

Takeresponsibility · 10/01/2011 11:45

This was an bald way of presenting the two opposing ways of looking at the argument, and The OP has understood this completely.

Please do not take it out of the context of the post, and the thread in general as you will only get stressed by what you imagine I am saying.

AuntiePickleBottom · 10/01/2011 12:03

it doesn't matter who the party was for, your husband should be able to trust you to go to any party alone.

Sarsaparilllla · 10/01/2011 12:05

If it was me, my DP would rather not come to a party which is bascially a reunion of people he doesn't know, it wouldn't be an issue.

Adversecamber · 10/01/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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