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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to get a pet for the DC's...

30 replies

MooMooFarm · 09/01/2011 23:24

I grew up in a household with various pets. We (as in the chidren) would always promise to look after them ourselves, do the feeding, walking, whatever, but within a few weeks or sometimes days of getting a new one, it would always be up to our poor mum to look after it.

After leaving home I had a cat for a few years, so obviously then had to do the 'looking after' myself, including clearing up the puke/poo/wee and the half dead mice and birds (urgh). You can probably tell I didn't enjoy it much.

Since having children we've not had any pets, and I haven't missed the experience. I don't dislike animals, but I do dislike the hassle I have already mentioned above! And the older I get, the more I don't like things being messy and dirty (yes I'm probably a bit OCD). However, our DC have recently started nagging that they really want one, preferably a cat. DH and I would really rather not have one. I'm sure I would end up doing all the clearing up, and there's also the vets bills to put me off.

So - AIBU? Am I denying my children a really valuable experience of living alongside a pet?

OP posts:

slartybartfast · 09/01/2011 23:30

how about a hamster? they're easy,

Spanky100 · 09/01/2011 23:30

Personally, yes, I think you are.

Buy a kitten and get a locking cat flap and set it so the cat can go outside but has to come to the front door to come in. No dead critters that way.

If your lucky you'll get cats like mine that refuse to use a litter tray and go outside instead.

No hassle :)

SilveryMoon · 09/01/2011 23:30

How old are your children?
I have similar memories to you of being a child with pets, but we still have them for my dc's who are 3 and nearly 2.
We have 2 cats now. They are indoor cats and the litter tray is my job, but ds1 has to feed them.
It is a PITA, but tbh I like what having pets teaches them.
But then, I like having a pet now too. One way oe another I think we'll always have pets.

SilveryMoon · 09/01/2011 23:30

reelingintheyears · 09/01/2011 23:33

Yanbu.
We've had numerous pets over the years and DP and i have always ended up looking after them.
Walking the dogs(which i don't actually mind)
Cleaning out the rabbits/budgie cages (which i do mind)
Feeding and watering all pets.
DCs always say that they'll do it...{grin]
You end up being the worlds biggest nag,trying to instil caring for the animals.

I'd say it depends on their ages and whether you think they are responsible enough.

Original poster

MooMooFarm · 09/01/2011 23:34

silvery our youngest is five and our eldest (who is the one really nagging me) is twelve.

Another problem I didn't mention is that our youngest is scared of cats and dogs. Our eldest is using that as one of his reasons for wanting a pet - to help his sister get over her phobia. Not sure if it would work, though, or would make her never want to come in the front door!

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 09/01/2011 23:34

YANBU. I think that people should only get pets if they are truly prepared (and happy) to do all the work involved in caring for them properly. You know that you don't want to, so it would be wrong to go ahead and get a cat/dog, just because the DC have asked for one.

Have you thought about getting an 'easy' pet, like a fish or budgie, to test whether your DC really will help out. This is what we did, because I am allergic to cats and dogs.

deleting · 09/01/2011 23:35

We had a cat and it was pita when we wanted to go anywhere for more than a night. Realise now why my parents always said no to pets. Got a hamster at the moment and they're easy to keep and people don't mind looking after them when you go away, they don't smell but the kids get a go at a pet. Very easy.

IloveJudgeJudy · 09/01/2011 23:36

Definitely NBU. Our DC begged and begged for guinea pigs - "yes, we promise we'll feed them/clean them out/play with them". Ha! Who does all the work? Either DH (mostly) or me.

Don't believe their sob stories and stay firm.

PS Fish are quite easy to look after if you have to have pets.

GroovyGretel · 09/01/2011 23:37

You could get a chicken....no walking required (although you need to clear them out obviously) - feeding my two dc love doing the whole scattering bit and of course an egg for your trouble!

On the other hand, we are pet lovers and have 2 dogs, 2 guinea pigs and 3 chickens. The children also want a mouse and a cat.

A1980 · 09/01/2011 23:37

YANBU

They'll get over it. I never had anything other than a goldfish growing up and I don't feel as if I had a deprived childhood.

You don't actually have to give your DC's everything they want particularly when you and your DH are really not keen on it.

GroovyGretel · 09/01/2011 23:38

But not in the same room

onceamai · 09/01/2011 23:46

They won't look after it so only get one if you are prepared to do everything and you want one too. Darling youngest son (aka the cat) is currently stalking a mouse behind the skirting boards in the dining room where I am trying to work and it has freaked me into the kitchen - hence on MNet.

Original poster

MooMooFarm · 09/01/2011 23:47

Ok well now I'm thinking maybe I'll get fish then. Could I get a smallish tank or are they cruel?

Can you tell I'm not much of an animal expert?!

OP posts:

Imarriedafrog · 09/01/2011 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caboodle · 09/01/2011 23:51

DS1 has asked for a fish tonight, that's my kid of pet

readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 23:52

Go to the pet shop and ask their advice. A fish is a crap pet. It doesn't interact with the dcs.

Personally I hate cats but...

Why don't you go to RSPCA or similar and get an old cat? Cat gets a home and you don't have to train it. Also it won't live as long so if you don't like it it won't be for such a long time. Some places will help with vets costs too.

DooinMeCleanin · 09/01/2011 23:55

YANBU. What happened to your cat btw?

Animals desevere to be loved not resented and it sounds like you will resent his pet once it is left for you to care for (which it inevitably will be, especially go for a larger, longer living pet like a cat or a dog, which will likely still be alive when you pack you're dc off to uni)

Vallhala · 09/01/2011 23:59

YANBU. I'm a rescuer and the number of pets who are dumped, handed in to rescue or put to sleep because the kids have tired of them and the family can't be bothered with them is un-flaming-believable. I'm not accusing you of being this type but I'm explaining it to demonstrate how frequently parents do give in to pester-power over pets and then regret it.

I have pets but they are mine and not my teenaged DDs. I amd I alone am responsible for them and I'm ok with that - if I wasn't they wouldn't have come here in the first place. They are a huge responsibility and a tie, just like children.

GreenEyesandHam · 10/01/2011 00:02

YANBU.

I like animals, I like them too much to commit to having one in our care lol.

Had hamsters as a kid, you put off cleaning out the cage for a coupla lousy days and they STINK!

Guinea pigs squeal like feck every time they hear the fridge door open.

Cats and dogs are more tying than kids (you can get babysitters for kids).

Fish just freak me out.

I would rather my children see that pets should be looked after properly, than indulge them and do a half arsed job, so for now- no pets

no1putsbabyinthecorner · 10/01/2011 00:10

YANBU I have a dd 3 and ds 2. My sister convinced me they needed a rabbit and I ended up getting four. They are not that bothered as I expected.
I have grown up with all kinds of animals, and currently we have 9 horses, 8 chickens 4 rabbits, and as of this week 2 puppies. I think it does teach them a certain amount of responsibility and helps them to respect animals. ( not saying that a child wouldn't if didn't have pets)
I agree that it's us that has the responsibility of them, so you do need to be happy/willing! I see the flip side though as I have a younger sister and my dad won't let her have a pet at all, my step mum can't convince him either! I feel sorry for her, because my dad let me and my older brother and sister have all kinds of pets growing up, but now I'm older I fully appreciate that it's the adults that get left to do everything most of the time.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 10/01/2011 00:13

Think carefully, we have cats and at times regret getting them tbh, but no way would I consider getting rid of them, they're our responsibility and could be for the next 20 years !

On the subject of cats, what cat litters the best one ?? Am sick of the damn stuff setting like clay

MadamDeathstare · 10/01/2011 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoshanaBlue · 10/01/2011 02:01

YANBU

My DD is desperate for a cat or a dog but I keep telling her that we won't be able to move into a flat with one. I'm sorry but there are too many responsibilities involved for me.

Don't even get me started on potential vet bills

MadamDeathstare · 10/01/2011 03:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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