Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to feel nothing for my siblings

51 replies

simara · 09/01/2011 20:52

I have a younger sister (15) and brother (13) and I literally feel nothing for them. I'm much older (29) and I left home at 18 so they are just people that I see occaisionally. I neither like or dislike them and when I talk to them I feel like we have nothing to talk about. DP says they're my family and so I should care for them but when I think about it if I didn't see them again it wouldn't make any difference to my life.

OP posts:

Catnao · 09/01/2011 22:52

Yes , I am saying I don't see my twin. We facebook and see the parents at Christmas together. I Am very protective over him...in theory -and would be here if he needed me. he never has.

TragicallyHip · 09/01/2011 22:57

Sorry to hear that Catnao, I always figured twins would have that "bond" but I guess all brother/sister relationships can be hard regardless of how far apart you were born.

queenlet · 09/01/2011 23:00

I've got a baby bro and sis (well they're not babies anymore) and if you try and spend some time with them then you will form some sort of bond. Your sister should be a perfect age to go shopping with

fedupofnamechanging · 09/01/2011 23:17

I was 15 when my parents had twins, so like you I was 18 (and they were 3) when I left home. I don't really understand why you didn't bond with them when they were little and you were still at home.

The onus is on you, as the adult, to try and form a relationship with them. I came home a lot during holidays when I was a student and made an effort to stay part of the twins lives.

Now I have children of my own and my brother and sister absolutely adore my children and make a huge effort to visit them and play with them. They are like a big brother and sister to my DC.

My point is that if you make an effort and get to know and love your siblings now, then in the future they will be woven into the fabric of your life and will contribute positively to your own family.

What I'm saying is a long winded version of you reap what you sow

huddspur · 09/01/2011 23:24

Well put karma, I've being thinking about this you need to make the effort. My brother is 11, I'm 24 but we get on brilliantly. I used to play with him when he was really young and so an attachment was formed. Now as he is getting older we still spend a lot of time together even though we don't live together as he has developed an interest in football that I also have. The more you put in then the more you will get out

ll31 · 10/01/2011 00:26

think chunkymunkeys post v sad, obv I dont know circs but it seems unreasonable for you to be angry with your sibs when all they were doing was growing up and moving out etc I'd hate thought of my child moving out but I'd want them to do it cos its sign of growing up , being independent etc?

I very much value my sibs tho have v little relationship with one tho try intermittently.. def think its worth trying to develop relationship now but I suppose I'm saying that based on my exp not yours so if you're (OP) happy then thats fine too

Clunge · 10/01/2011 00:29

I'm 19 years older than my half brother. My daughter is 6 months older than him. I don't see him as anything other than just another child. It doesn't feel like he's my brother. It's very odd.

ENormaSnob · 10/01/2011 00:36

Yanbu

chunky, did you expect your siblings to remain in the family home until you grew up? I don't get your resentment at all.

UnderTheRadar2212 · 10/01/2011 01:47

Hudd...... I have an adopted half brother. I've always put in everything for him over the years, cos I'd have incurrd my wicked stepmother's wrath if I hadn't. He's 7 years younger than me, Dad married his mum when he was 14 months old, after splitting up with my Mum when I was 6.

Whatever I do, I'm always taken for granted. I send him birthday cards & the like, plus have sent his son cards for his birth & christening with money in for him - I get a text at Xmas apologising for not even bothering to send me or my son a card & being a 'shit bro' (his words).

That excuses it then does it???????

I think not!

lampoon · 10/01/2011 08:24

Like others have I said I wreally would try and make more of an effort with them, get to know them your sister is 15 and your brother is 13 they are becoming young adults and probably wouldn't mind a big sister helping to guide them.

byrel · 10/01/2011 09:12

YABU always value your family you never know when you might need them.

CrapBag · 10/01/2011 09:46

YANBU at all. I get annoyed when people say you should make the effort etc just because you happen to share blood. My 'mother' is my bloody relative but it didn't stop her leaving me at my nans one day and never coming back again.

I am 29 and my youngest half sibling is 13. I'm not really that bothered about her tbh and we never lived together. I used to do loads when she was younger, take her out, babysit, give her things etc but she is an ungrateful little cow and says I have never done anything for her . She is difficult to like due to the way her mum is bringing her up, total spoilt little madam and her half brother is even worse. I was brought up in the complete opposite way to them and I just can't engage with her at all.

I refuse to be made to have a good relationship with her just because she is my half sister. I have a better relationship with my other 'sister' who is actually my dads exPs DD that I have grown up with from a young age. To me, she is my sister and we aren't blood related, although we have 2 half brothers in common, who I also get on well with.

werdator · 10/01/2011 13:16

YANBU plenty of people feel nothing for your siblings. Just because you've got the same parent(s) doesn't mean that you have to close

ddubsgirl · 10/01/2011 13:25

i have 1 bro and 1 half bro half bro is over 20 yrs older than me,i lived with him on & off as a teen so felt close to him until i had a falling out with his then gf,i was 16 at the time and they cut me off,came to see me after i had ds1 but never came to my wedding,i sent invite but never heard back,i still went to his tho,he works 5 mins away for me but never see him unless im going past or pop in there.

my other bro is 7 yrs older than me and up until may last year we were pretty close and then he out of the blue removed me & my kids of his fb account and he and his friend threatend to come & sort me out!!!wtf,still to this day i dont know what i have done to upset him and had to find out through other people & fb that he & his wife had lost a baby(ivf)

i have always felt the odd one out in my family,long story but no you dont always feel close to siblings,they may be blood but you dont have to like them.

justcarrots29 · 10/01/2011 13:30

YANBU - i am also not close to my older brothers. Neither one of them have ever taken an interest in me and despite me trying to remain in contact they never seem keen. They also don't have contact with each other None of us are close at all. Some families are just like this. I tried to visit one of my brothers at christmas - we stopped 20 minutes and left as we had nothing to talk about. Very embarrassing and just goes to show that siblings don't always have things in common.

swanandduck · 10/01/2011 13:31

YANBU because you can't help the way you feel. But, if I'd left home and had two toddler siblings at the time I couldn't imagine not dying to see them and taking them for days out and having them to stay overnight, I used to do this with my niece and nephew when I was younger so can't imagine not doing it with younger siblings.

Ephiny · 10/01/2011 13:38

YANBU, I'm not close to my siblings or parents at all, do the occasional dutiful visit or email to my parents, but we have no real relationship and I feel no emotional attachment to any of them at all.

Just how some families are. Some people remain close to family of origin when they grow up (my DP is one, he sees his parents often and talks to them on the phone at least once a week which I find bizare given he's in his 30s), some go their separate ways and live separate lives. No point trying to force yourself to feel something you don't.

dertitude · 10/01/2011 14:51

YANBU but it seems a shame are you sure you feel nothing for them? If anything happened to either of them would it not bother you at all?

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 10/01/2011 19:31

Its hard to explain feelings.

My siblings did leave young when they were 16 and 18 mainly due to our parents increasingly unhappy marriage, i found living at home very difficult because of this and i was very withdrawn, perhaps if they were around more i could have coped with it better.

My other sibling was a teenager and could go to friends ect i was stuck there listening to parents terrible fights. Of course i don't expect my siblings to have lived at home forever. Maybe in taking my anger out on them perhaps its my parents i am angry with i really don't know.

justcarrots29 · 10/01/2011 20:22

I can understand Chunkymonkey. Is it because you feel like you were forgotten? Maybe if they had come to you now they are older to see how you are and how things were for you?
My brothers left home because my parents were very controlling. I was left and they have no idea of the abuse and unhappiness I suffered..So I also resent them slightly. They escaped but knew I could not and have never shown any concern. You cannot help your feelings chunkymonkey.

Deaddei · 10/01/2011 20:26

YANBU.
I am 50-am really close to db who is 59-but have only seen sister twice in 15 years-at a wedding and dad's funeral. She is 65-got married when I was 5. We send CHristmas card a-speak maybe once a year She has never seen my dcs (14 & 11)
DH never sees or speaks to his twin.

beobelle · 10/01/2011 21:39

YANBU but it is sad to hear that you have no feelings towards either of them.

Catnao · 10/01/2011 21:42

Deaddei - glad I'm not the only one who doesn't feel differently about a sibling just because he/she shared a womb at the same time!

I don't have NO feelings for my brothers, by the way - we're just not close at all.

altinkum · 10/01/2011 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catnao · 10/01/2011 21:47

Same here altinkum - except I don't disapprove (of that one! ). Just nothing in common and live about 400 miles apart.

Flip

1 2 3