To pretend to not want sex?

[JanesBrain]

I'm 28 Years old and have a pretty high sex drive at the moment, however DH is just terrible in bed. He's wonderful in every other respect, but sometimes I turn down his advances only to wait until he is asleep and "take care of myself" rather than put up with a moist 3 minutes followed by 5 minutes of cleaning up fluids. AIBU?

You need to sort this out fast, be honest with him, Does "round two" last a lot longer :o

The game you are playing will drive a large wedge between you.

My XDH and I had an awful sex life. He was ok in most ways (ie., enthusiastic) but couldn't quite get the knack of what I liked or what satisfied me. We ended up only ever having sex after a big night out. In the end, I think he liked to get me plastered very tipsy just so we would have sex.

I tried to change things by encouraging him to 'move a little to the left' or 'try stroking here' a few times. It never really worked so I just gave up and ended up avoiding sex as much as I could. It was about this time that he starting calling me frigid.

The last time we had sex, he pulled out of me in frustration and wanked on my tummy while I held a pillow over my face and cried. We agreed to separate the next day.

We are now getting divorced. I heard from a mutual friend of ours (a female he always had a fancy for) who informed me that my XDH had told her that I was like a military commander in bed - always demanding this or that. So not true! My X just didn't like to be told how to do anything.

I am now with a new partner and I have the brilliant sex life I never new existed but that I always wanted. I am absolutely floating on air. I have a Cheshire cat's grin and the word 'frigid' now just makes me laugh.

The moral of the story: be cautious in how you approach the subject; the male ego can be very fragile. Good luck!

I think I might just tell him, what should I say?

You need to play games.

If he's only lasting 3 minutes and it's obvious you haven't orgasmed then surely he must be aware things aren't great?

Do you fake it ever? If you do that could be part of the problem.

to be honest since he is a little overwieght I'm not the most enthusiastic lover myself...

LitR - I was sooo tempted to say "ask your GP"

LITR, I always believe what is posted, it makes me less cynical and if a poster is lying what does that achieve for them ?.

Has he always been overweight?
I agree with you newwave - also you never know who might be reading threads and finding solace in them.

LITR, after reading more and more posts I'm becoming a little . The way I think of it is perhaps some women DO have this problem and are reading this as they might be too to post. I'm getting the hang of these smilies :o

Pomme, beat me to it. Damn you. By a matter of seconds, I'd like to add.

Hi Janes,

Haven't read all replies but can sympathise.

My DP has various medical issues which affect our sex life, also a much lower natural drive than me. He also hasn't had masses of experience and in the early days, sometimes accidentally hurt me.

One thing which helped was going to Shh!, the women's erotica shop in London. I planned it as a 'special naughty' day out (we don't live in London so it was planned) and we bought some sex toys and a book about female orgasm. I think it worked because it wasn't like me saying, 'So, you are crap in bed, what are you going to do?'. It felt like a fun thing to do together as a couple.

Shh! is a very unthreatening place (they make you cups of tea -- !) so I'd recommend it to anyone.

Worth a thought?

LITR, I'm with you on this

Mumsnet has turned into a cyncal bunch of tossers. I'm not sure whats worst, the "Trolls" or the Self proclaimed "Troll Hunters". Both ruin genuine threads, so all of you can just fuck off.

no, it hasn't "turned" into anything

but you carry on following the script, eh ?

*worse I think is what you meant.

In regards to what you said,

All of us, bit harsh.

Sorry, being Ultradim (TM) here, but don't understand why some of you think this is fake...?

Actually, I am a professional earning more than my DP, who is also rather overweight, and as aforesaid, we have had similar issues bedroomwise.

Okay, he hasn't bought me a car, but otherwise, what's weird about this?

RP...what you need to do now is start abusing the whole of Mumsnet, and swearing and generally being OTT rather than just calmly explaining (like you did)

then you can have a too

Thank god for that - I thought I was the only one reading this thinking WTF - I've seen this posters name before but can't think why it's ringing bells...

Can't be bothered with 'book plots' so hiding now - have fun!!