To put in a CSA claim?

30 replies

macdoodle · 08/01/2011 20:57

Posted in Lone Parents but am posting here for a bit more traffic, I know I am not being unreasonable but could do with some MN bolstering, keep telling me IANBU, maybe I'll believe it :(

My XH is a nasty abusive twat
We have 2 DD's (9 and 3), he does see them, when he can be bothered and when he isnt working abroad.
We have been seperated 4 years and divorced 1.He has NEVER contributed financially, not even when we were together and not a penny since he moved out.
I have been paying all the joint debts from hus business which has finally been wrapped up.
Luckily I have a good job and we have survived but its been hard at times (and I almost lost my house).He seems to have walked away scot free.

He has worked erratically since we split and it never seemed worth the hassle of pursuing. But for the last year or so he has worked consistently abroad for months at a time, earning I am sure not an inconsiderable amount. I have paid every penny for my girls and paid all our joint debts. I have significant debts left, a credit card to bail us out when things were really bad, a looming tax bill, and large solicitors fees I work bloody hard.

So he is back for a few weeks over xmas, and I gently bring up him paying some child support, I suggest very reasonably I think, that he only pays me the weeks he works and an amount much less than I worked out on the CSA calculator.

I got an earful of abuse and sneering, he just cannot see why he should pay anything when "you earn XX a year" . He has no sense of responsibility at all.

I am not going to let him get away with it (if he can afford to buy DD1, himself and his GF £300 Ipods, a massive widescreen TV etc etc), then he can afford to support them, even its just enough for school shoes/uniform, music lessons or childcare etc.

I thought I was past him affecting me, but I am absolutely terrified how he will react, I have almost completed an online application but am still hesitating, IANBU am I??

OP posts:

Original poster

macdoodle · 09/01/2011 16:09

My solicitor says it is not worth pursuing child support through the courts, it is not adviced, it is expected that the CSA will be used.
It would also be prohibitely expensive for likely little or no gain, my solicitors bills are in excess of £5000 already.

He has access, agreed in mediation, he does it as and how he feels or wants, including being away for 5 months continuously. But if I dare to deviate for a minute despite very good reason, I am evil, bitter and twisted.

OP posts:

humanheart · 09/01/2011 20:41

well, he's a complete moron, that's apparent (sorry if that offends) - what difference does his opinion make anyway? it's worth nothing at all. He has no concept whatsoever of responsibility and is like a child (re expensive presents, throwing a tantrum if you question anything he does). total waste of space, laughable, a joke (sorry again if that offends). amazing how such a competent woman like you ended up with a moron like that. You've done fabulously well without him.

didn't realise how much things had changed re the courts and child maintenance, sorry for outdated info.

humanheart · 09/01/2011 20:42

didn't realise how much things had changed re the courts and child maintenance, sorry for outdated info.

Original poster

macdoodle · 09/01/2011 20:48

Thank you humanheart, he is indeed all those things and worse, so definitely no offence taken.
I feel so sad I chose such an idiot to be the father to my amazing children, but cannot regret it or I wouldn't have them.

I was young when I met him, and swept away, and madly in love, the warning signs were there from the start (accompanying me on work courses, waiting outside etc). Ten years of him undermining me, emotionally abusing me, belittling me, controlling me, financially destroying me, escalating to physical and sexual abuse, mad eit very hard to leave him, and to let him stop scaring me.

I don't want his money, I don't especially need it (luckily, though it would make life easier), but I want him to accept and acknowledge some responsibility. Probably never going to happen.

OP posts:

humanheart · 09/01/2011 21:18

and you're thinking of getting embroiled with him again by making him pay? mad!!

the thing about abusive relationships is that the victim has this totally irrational hope that things will change, will get better somehow; that he'll finally grow up, face his responsibilities, etc etc: that justice will be done! As you say, it's not going to happen - you have spadeloads of evidence that it is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. So, if you don't need his money (lucky you! though I suspect that's down to how fabulous you are) then leave well alone. ime life has a way of taking care of people like him. In the meantime, swallow the outrageous injustice of it all and get on with being fabulous, a fabulous mummy to your fabulous children. you're a star - don't be tempted to dilute that by reintroducing him into the mix: you survived him once, that's enough (you deserve an award!)

Flip

1 2