to be feeling much better because I bit the bullet....

[PatPending]

..... donned the biohazard suit and hard hat then entered the DS's bedroom to clean it (and on a Friday night too!!).

TaDa!!!

Actually it wasn't sooooo bad as he'd smoothed the way by binning lots of crap, tidying up a bit, and trying to sort things out generally and all without so much as a teeny tiny grumble.

Mind you, as he's in his early 20s he should be doing it himself

Why do young men (and women??) never "see" the things they should be tidying up??

I'm now preparing for a roasting for doing it for him but, although he makes "attempts" I still have to get in there and sort it properly!

Well, he does deal with most of his own stuff IFYSMIM herbietea but just not to the level I would.

For what it's worth I can't stand watching DH iron his shirts, he just looks wrong and awkward and I've been known to shove him out of the way and do it myself cos I can do it in a fraction of the time.
Mostly I don't bother though!!

So it's really my problem as I said!

Pat you sound like me.

actually I'm not sure that the theory of parents occasionaly doing stuff like that for older children makes them useless as adults is strictly true.

I was expected to keep my room tidy when I was a child, and a teenager. It wasn't until about 4yrs ago (I'm nearly 32 now) that living in a shit hole actually bothered me in the slightest. I rememer when I first lived in Zimbabwe my bedroom was AWFUL, I mean dreadful - I have photos of it and looking at them now I feel a bit (that's sick not jealous) and that I lived so happily like that!

ONce I was married it was never as bad as that - as exH was the absolute opposite of me - and I would rush round in a panic before he came home from work trying to make it look reasonable (it was never quite good enough for his standards ).

LOL *BodyOfEeyore - do yer own edges!!

But I don't think being "forced" to do my own cleaning and tidying as an older child/teenager/young adult made a blind jot of difference to how well I did it once married

Pat - don't worry!!!

Just to let you know, DH is anally tidy to the point of irritating me - he will say "well done" when I have hoovered , however take him back to Mummy where he lived in his 20's for a short period and he does sweet fa, doesn't even help load the dishwasher!!!!!

Nah, can't be bothered! I thought it was a long shot!

I see whay you're saying Baroquin - I was much better when I had my own home than I was when I was nagged to tidy my room at home by my Mum.

Borderslass - we should start a club!!

Figgyroll - "Well done"!!!!! - blimey, do you clock him one????

Off to refill my wine - can I top anyone up?

oh god - exH used to do that to me. "oh well done you cleared the end of the worktop that we dump all the paperwork on"

"oh well done you hoovered" "oh well done you cleaned the bathroom"

yes all the bloody rooms and stuff that you contributed to as well gah.

I still remember the very first argument we had over housework when we moved in together at the end of 1998. I'd left some dirty clothes on the floor next to the bed. (one days worth of dirty clothes - so hardly piles and piles of the stuff). He suggested I took them straight to the laundry basket before I went to work. It escalated into a full blown row and as I was on my way out to work at the time I walk through our tiny little cottage scattering the entire contents of the dirty laundry basket as I went (in my defence I was 19 and still very immature)

Frequently! I tell him he is a toss pot , I think he is suprised that I can try and do it with the dog/cat/toddler and baby, but I do find him a condescending twazok at times and tell him so, its not so much what he says its the patronising way it is said!

LOL at both Baroquin and Figgyrolls

Men eh? - but I expect they would say "Women eh?"

Ah well, at least I know the DS's room has clean "edges"!!

Because mothers like you facilitate it... I'm 23, live with my BF, work full time and keep a whole house clean and tidy. I also know plenty of people my age who manage to do all of this on a 'pretty low wage'. If he's not earning enough to support himself and he's not in full time education, he needs to find himself a better job.

Give him the kick up the arse he needs, it's for his own good... promise

err...thank you coco2901 - well, that's me sorted then

I am a sturdy woman with a cutting tongue and very loud voice,i raised my 3 ds's to be kind hardworking and to be respectfull.They have all been sucessfull in education and employment.i marched one out of a and e when i had a 2am "your son is pissed" call,sat the biggest one on the floor when he decided to square up to me and am proud to say big as they are they have never sworn or shouted at me,however,i just could NEVER get them to keep their rooms clean or tidy.I tried everything from threats to bribery to telling them to leave if it carried on,when they were older i raised their payments to me,they did own cooking and washing from leaving school and picked dd up from cm when i was working shifts and put her to bed.I have never mastered the bedroom thing,tbh i was glad when they moved out!! They are stil like it when come to stay
Have 2 dd,s to get thru so fingers crossed.

Haha! My BF's mum does this and it drives him mad. He can and does clean (his room REALLY isn't that bad) but sometimes leaves it too long (although it seems to be random intervals) and she goes in with the polish and bleach etc.

BertieBotts - I'm "random" too - get's to the point where the dust is a bit thick and I think "Sod it!"
herbietea - it's true isn't it?? - Watching someone cack-handed doing smething is just agonising!
Just realised I'm a control freak!!

"something" even!

I can certainly understand you feeling better!

I gave up on the notion of getting DD to tidy out her playroom - it was impossible to walk across it. (She's 11 not 20+, and had made some attempt at her bedroom). So I tackled it ... on New Year's Day ... which was my 50th birthday But it was what I wanted to do, felt a real sense of achievement when it was done, now she has somewhere good to do her homework and knows she can now host sleepovers in future if she keeps it clean and tidy.

See, that's my point Grimma - it made me feel better.
I felt good knowing I'd improved DS's efforts.
You can now feel the joy of having "tackled" that task that's been niggling at you - as I can!!

I'm shocked at the 'elbowing' your husbands out of the way and taking over the ironing

How would you feel if someone elbowed you out of the way when you were doing something your own way and just took over?

I think my response would be to elbow them back and tell them to wind their neck in

A ex once said to me.. 'if I asked you to iron a shirt for me, would you?'

I said 'no, but you might find yourself wearing the iron'.