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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To offer to take DN on holiday?

27 replies

btbetty · 07/01/2011 20:23

My DS is very good friends with my cousins DS -they are only two months apart in age and see each other most weeks ( we live about an hour from each other). They play well together and we are all very fond of him.

We nomally go to Florida at Christmas and New Year but have booked to do something different next Christmas so will be going to Florida in the summer instead -because this trip falls during both boys school holidays and is not over Christmas we thought it would be a nice idea to invite my cousins DS to go with us. Our DS would LOVE having his buddy with him and we would love it too.

I should also mention that there is no way my cousin or her husband would ever be able to make this trip (Cousin's DH is disabled and his condition means he does't travel well also money is an issue)

Would it be terribly insensitive of us to offer to take DN with us?
I would not want to offend them in any way -they are lovely people.
We would pay for everything so no expense for them ( I know this may be a worry but I am sure I could handle sensitively).
Also would you let your child go on holiday for three weeks with someone else?

I really want to ask ( I haven't said anything to DS as he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself) but don't want to do the wrong thing.

WWYD???

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 20:25

I think it is a lovely gesture, and am sure they will be real pleased with your offer. Stress that it is to keep your DS company and out of trouble as it were!

How nice are you!! ;o)

Pheebe · 07/01/2011 20:26

How old is he?

You could offer but don't be surprised if they say no. Three weeks is a looonnng time.

Original poster

btbetty · 07/01/2011 20:30

Both boys are 10.

We would be happy to go for 2 weeks to make it easier, we initially thought three weeks as we don't normally have the time as Xmas holidays aren't as long.

OP posts:

exexpat · 07/01/2011 20:31

How old is he, and has he stayed with you before? Or anywhere else away from his family? If not, three weeks is a very long time to be away. It is a lovely offer, though, and I can't see why they would be offended but they might well feel it's too long for him to be away from his family.

exexpat · 07/01/2011 20:31

x-posts - I think for a 10-year-old it could well be OK.

BluddyMoFo · 07/01/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixieOnaLeaf · 07/01/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mutznutz · 07/01/2011 20:34

I'm confused? Who is the 'DN' in the title? Sorry I'm still getting used to these acronyms and I thought it meant Niece or Nephew?

reinitindear · 07/01/2011 20:34

I think it is a lovely thing to do and I would let dd1 who is 11 go with family or very close friends.As Fabby says phrase it that it would be helpful to you.

storminabuttercup · 07/01/2011 20:35

what a lovely thought

Maybe position it as it would be nice for DS to have company, three weeks is a long time but he is old enough to decide and its not like they will get bored!

risingstar · 07/01/2011 20:36

i think 10 is fine especially as you are close to them- its not like it is a school friend or anything.

if it were me i would love the chance for my ds to do something that he would otherwise miss (but at same time might be sad at the realisation that we couldnt take him)

go for it. i would imagine that 2 10 year olds that get on well are less work than one on his own!

Geepers · 07/01/2011 20:37

If she says no, i have a nine year old DS who i am sure would be pleased to befriend your son for three weeks over the summer ;)

Original poster

btbetty · 07/01/2011 20:37

Sorry - I meant Nephew ( Cousins son is a bit long winded..)

Thanks everyone - I suppose I'm just nervous to step on my cousins toes as I know she would love to be able to take DN on holiday.

OP posts:

arentfanny · 07/01/2011 20:38

What a kind person you are, dress it up as wanting someone to keep your DS company as he is starting to get a bit bored with just you two.

skydance · 07/01/2011 20:39

Sounds fine to me, although I think if I was his parents I would be happier with 2 weeks, 3 weeks is a long time.

I would also sell it as being company for your ds, make it seem like they would be doing you a favour sort of thing.

SylvanianFamily · 07/01/2011 20:43

I was taken on holiday with my best friend at that age (week at centre parcs, but still). We argued one day, but not awkward. We did a lot of croissant runs together without grown ups etc. My mum sent a fat envelope of 'spending money', which was returned virtually untouched bar the cost of a pizza and a coke.

Also have taken DN (2 under 7) to dGP without parents, which was also fine.

skydance · 07/01/2011 20:43

sorry terrible grammar there wish I could delete that 'if I was his parents'

FakePlasticTrees · 07/01/2011 20:48

I think it would be fine too - why not talk to her and say you're worried about DS being bored and would like to take a friend for DS to play with, hinting that if you don't take DSecondCousinOnceRemoved (you're right, DN is easier!) you'll take another friend, thereby not making it seem like charity.

Original poster

btbetty · 07/01/2011 20:49

We are going over tomorrow to visit so will ask then ( will make sure both boys are out of the way!)

SylvanianFamily -you'll maybe not believe me but a holiday in centre parcs would probably cost us more! DH travels a lot with work and because of that and the personal travelling we have done we have enough airmiles to book the flights and only pay the taxes, we can also book the hotel with Hilton points too. We have annual passes for the parks ( cheaper because we knew we wee going back) so all we have to buy is park tickets for DN and food.
(This is also something that should make my cousin feel better about it :))

OP posts:

FanjolinaJolie · 07/01/2011 20:50

What a lovely offer and I'd probably say yes as you've clearly all grown up together and your boys are such good friends.

They might be worried about the money side though and refuse because of that.

Actuallawyer · 07/01/2011 20:53

It's a great offer for you to make. Do it light heartedly so there's no pressure to accept.

Eglu · 07/01/2011 20:58

A really lovely idea, and as oters have said. Make it sound like your DS would really love the company, which to be fair is probably true.

Lonnie · 07/01/2011 21:29

YANBU I think your cousin will think you are generous and wonderful for giving her son a opertunity she is unable to give him have afab time and do let us know if she says yes o rno

Rev084 · 07/01/2011 21:36

Sounds like a really lovely gesture. If your cousin does alot of caring for her disabled husband, at least you'll be giving her a break from the childcare. And it'll be a great opportunity for your nephew, as you said, its impossible for his parents to take him abroad... probably even UK holidays would be a logistical nightmare. Go for it.

reinitindear · 07/01/2011 22:06

Also I always take a friend for d1 11 so she doesn't get bored only to Haven mind if it was Florida think she may suddenly become the most popular girl at school

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