to think if someone asks a question you can just answer it without going into the ins and outs of circumstances?

[madav]

Was just wondering if IABU.

If someone asks a question on here, if I can I'll answer it. I don't feel the need to get into the nitty gritty of how or why the question came about, just my take on an answer. Offering a different perspective maybe.

Do I really need to know the details? Or am I missing something? Surely if whoever it is wants to volunteer the information then it's up to them, but if they just want another pov I don't think they should have to justify their circumstances.

Hope this isn't too controversial for a first AIBU (hard hat on )

It depends. Sometimes the "back story" makes a difference.

If someone asks if, say they ABU for locking their DH out because he has gone out for a drink then the answer will probably be "Yes, its only a drink ffs" and then it transpires that the last time he did that, he trashed the house, battered the OP and pissed in the cot cos he thought it was the toilet. In that case, no she isnt BU!

Ah right, I get sometimes the back story might be relevant.

Ok, what about someone has given the back story, wants an answer to the question, but people keep going on about the back story? Using your example as an example (iyswim), I've noticed that people would go into details of how she should get rid of the DH, whereas I would just say, no you're NBU given the story.

That's why I'm wondering if I'm missing something.

(Dawning realisation) Could it be they actually want advice on the circumstances and are using the question as an excuse?

? Me?

Possibly true that the question is an excuse, for some posters anyway. But as women I think we tend to look at problems holistically, so why worry now about this one incident as it is likely to come up again. Whereas if she dumped the loser that she was with she wouldnt have to worry about it anymore, thereby solving this problem and subsequent repeats of it. Also, it solves the problem of what the OP will be feeling about her children living with someone who behaves like that.

That and the fact that its very easy to gossip and wax lyrical about "what I would do" when it isnt RL iykwim.

I sometimes provide more info to give context to my answer. If I ask a question I may want people to put their answer in perspective.

For example I will give a bit more weight to the views of a poster who has a teenager than to a poster who has two toddlers but imagines that they would do x when their dcs are 17.

Is that what you mean?

Also I sometimes post more because I talk shite a lot

Maybe I'm just minimalist?

Or maybe I'm just a bit black and white. I know I have to say to mates sometimes 'is this a problem you want solving, or do you just want to let off steam?' cos I tend to say 'have you thought about doing this?' and they look a bit lol.

And I could talk shite for Scotland so it could be I minimise by response to not draw attention to that

that would be 'my' response duh

I think often people know they're upset/worried and write an AIBU, but gradually it comes out that there's a lot more to it. Sometimes you get the feeling the OP's picked on one thing she thinks is 'The' problem, and actually there are hints that she's at least as worried about something else.

Having done that myself a few times and had really helpful responses of the type you describe, I think it's quite a good thing.

Annoying when people keep yammering on about something the OP's made very clear isn't the issue, though!

Maybe I'm not that good at reading into things over the 'net. I can normally pick up in conversation that the original 'problem' isn't the problem iyswim but might need to waste spend a bit more time on MN to acquire the skill.

In the meantime, if I seem a bit harsh I'm really not, I'm honestly just answering the question.....

Ah, I thought you were talking about in RL - see I always give more of an answer than wanted or needed!

On one occasion I remember being out for a drink with friends and a friend of a friend (actually a complete knob-end) asked if I had a light. I said "no sorry I don't smoke" at which he launched into an absolute tirade - did I ask if you smoked? WELL DID I? LISTEN TO THE FUCKING QUESTION AND ANSWER ONLY THE FUCKING QUESTION! etc> etc> >>> all very odd>

Yup, complete knob-end

I was just wondering if I wasn't picking up on something - not been on many forums and was thinking I might come across as a bit rude