Was she reasonable to ask this?

[speaktoyou]

When my mother-in-law first time met my parents before our wedding she asked me carefully ''Are both your parents on their first marriage?''

I found her question embarrassing and she was being rude to ask this. What do you think? Do people ask this between in-laws?

If your dp didn't know then I think you both need to get to know each other and a bit more about each other before you get married. If you don't know the basics she definitely wasn't being unreasonable.

Reasonable question. Possibly not put in the most polite way, but I'd put that down to the language barrier and the stress of a slightly odd situation.

I don't think it's necessarily an unreasonable question, though it depends on why she was asking.

Was she being judgy about someone raised by people who had 'failed' at a marriage marrying into her family? Or was she asking so as to know the facts and not put her foot in it?

I do think it's a bit odd to ask in front of the people in question though.

Are they religious? (PILs)

It sounds like she just wanted to avoid saying anything tactless to your parents. That's the way I would have taken it up anyway.

Sounds to me like a perfectly reasonable question, asked in a discreet way. Divorce and remarriage is very commonplace these days, so I think she was just trying to avoid causing any offence to your parents.

So I think you are being over-sensitive. Try to let it go. Assuming you have gone ahead and married her offspring, you will have to be more tolerant than this to have a good relationship with PILs.

I know why she asked it.

She was basically asking "do your parents both have the same surname as you?"

Can´t see any big problem with it.

My MIL phoned my mum to tell her how concerned she was that I would hurt her son

Maybe she was going to say something like, "We're so pleased to welcome your daughter to our family." But was concerned she'd get a "Oh, she's not my daughter" from one of them. My step-mother would definitely put her right.