to think my brother should email ME?!

[JaneS]

My brother isn't the best at keeping in touch, lives in another country and often can't be reached by phone. However, he's planning his wedding and they're expecting a baby atm. I've had a couple of round-robin emails from him about all the normal stuff - arrangements and so on. But every time he wants to ask me a specific question, he emails my dad and asks him (so dad ends up either emailing me or telling my brother what he thinks is happening in a kind of Chinese whispers).

I've checked and he's got my up-to-date email address and a phone number - it's weird not to email me, isn't it?

I've seen the emails that my dad was sent and some of them are only about my plans, so it's not as if he's saving time by emailing dad with a load of questions and tacking on one to pass on to me.

I'm pretty sure I've done nothing to offend him but am a bit worried now.

Ask him why he is not mailing you direct? If you do not ask you won't ever know!

Can't think of a way to do it that doesn't sound accusatory, diva. I've been replying to the emails dad sends to me directly to my brother and eventually sent one saying 'here is my mobile number, here is my other email address, they are the best ways to reach me if you are having problems with this email address'. I don't think I want to be more blunt than that as he's about to get married and I don't want to upset him right now. I just want to know if other people think his behaviour is odd and if they think he must be upset.

If I were you I would email him myself and simply put something along the lines of:

"I had noticed that you haven't been in touch directly with me in a while and I was thinking about you and wondered how you were. We really must make more of an effort to keep in touch with each other especially with all the exciting things going at at the mo with your wedding and the baby coming... etc etc"

I recently was a bit miffed that my best friend seemed not to be getting in touch so I sent a similar message to her. It makes the point that you are aware that there has been a lack of contact, but it doesn't put any blame out there. If you do it in a nice way (show excitement and interest in what's going on with him) he will no doubt feel bad for being rubbish anyway - and you will know if there is another issue by his response.

Hope this helps!

If he does it again I'd send him an email saying 'Dad said he has an email with something you wanted to ask me in it - do you mind emailing me with it as I havent got a copy of Dads email here and I'll get back to you asap with answers'
even if you do have a copy of your Dads email, it will force him to email you directly without actually you being accusing

twinkle - the problem with that is the whole family's been doing the 'we really must keep in touch' job ever since he told us they were expecting a baby! I think it's just rolling off him tba. (They are very busy.)

felix - thanks, I like that wording, that will work nicely.