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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to be unreasonable every once in a while.

17 replies

rudolphsmum · 06/01/2011 13:47

I know I was unreasonable this morning. I lost it with my DS and my DH and stormed off upstairs in a huff. DH was trying to get ready for work ( as was I) and I left him downstairs with a 5 year old and a 2 year old demanding breakfast. My timing was crap I admit it but I just couldn't help it.

DH works hard and long hours and as such I have taken on all the domestic duties ( I work too but only 16 hours a week) but somedays I feel like a single parent ..cleaning,cooking, childcare, household bills etc.etc. all up to me to sort out. Most of the time I cope and cope well but after 3 hours sleep ( youngest wet his bed right through and couldn't get him back to sleep) and a mountain of things to do before work and school I just couldn't take the whining and constant demands and lost my rag.

I was sorry almost immediately and tried to talk to DH but he wasn't talking to me and stormed out of the house. I texted him and he still isn't talking to me.

AIBU to expect every once in a while to find things too much and blow my top. It's rare ( I can count on one hand how may times it's happened in the last 2 years) but it seems that to my DH at least it is totally unacceptable :(

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 06/01/2011 13:49

Totally acceptable. I do it about once a month. And then I apologize and we move on.

Your DH is being unreasonable. Tell him I said so.

NorwegianMoon · 06/01/2011 13:50

you "left him downstairs with a 5yr old and a 2yr old". how many times a day are you left with your children? who rescues you?
my guess is noone, you do it one your own. this is the triple shift, you do do the housework, childcare, and the emotional work in the family. you also work financially and are the least appreciated in the house. you get all the shit from the kids beccause you are alwasys there.

my dp and i have this argument daily. nothing changes.

sorry that wasnt very positive

yanbu

prettymuchapixiegirl · 06/01/2011 14:02

I totally agree with NorwegianMoon, YANBU

2muchtodo2littletime · 06/01/2011 14:05

YANBU!
My life is like yours but with 3 under 6 things get on top of me at times too. The thing is that we cant plan when to let things get to us.
OK the timing might not have been great but your DH needs to get over it and move on.
I feel sometimes that I am Jill of all trades and mistress of none! Try to have a bit of a rest today - I can usually cope with things a bit better if I'm not really tired

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/01/2011 14:11

Tell us what your DH does with the children and to help in the home

in the morning
after work
at the weekends

Does he get up in the night?
Get up with the children?
Give them breakfast?
Give you a lie in (and vice versa)?
empty/fill the dishwasher?
Cook any meals?
Look after the children on his own at the weekend (and does he have any time alone at the weekend?)
Put either of the children to bed, bath them and/or read a story?

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/01/2011 14:14

BTW - you are entitled to lose it once in a while, and you did apologise.

mommmmyof2 · 06/01/2011 14:18

This was like reading something i wrote, I have two young children ds 2 and dd just turned 5.I work 15 hours and it is so tiring, when they argue, they moan and cling to you and just as you said having no sleep can make anyone just blow!
My dh works long hours so yes i do almost everything around the house but sometimes when i do ask for help i get a look or he thinks he done me a huge favour.Life can be very stressful and sometimes we all need to let off a bit of steam.We are only human :)

Original poster

rudolphsmum · 06/01/2011 14:23

Thanks for your replies ladies.

Jamie he does the last 2 but the rest is up to me. The division of labour doesn't bother me most of the time as I see most of the household stuff as part of my job, but I am not a machine and every so often I get sick of the constant demands - especially when I'm sleep deprived.

I'm not actually wanting him to step in and take over I just wish that it wasn't such a big deal when, on the odd occasion, I just can't cope!

To be honest I think part of the problem is that I cope so well 99% of the time that when I don't it comes as a hell of shock!

OP posts:

curlymama · 06/01/2011 14:25

YADNBU!

I have a simelar thing with my DH, although not so much over sorting the dc's. But there have been time when I have over reacted to something or been unrationally upset over something not that important, and he's just got anry with me. Yet when he stomps around in a bad mood or rants and raves because someone has annoyed him, I listen to his woes, refrain from telling him that he is acting like a spoilt child in the middle of a temper tantrum, and generally be nice and tolerant until he has calmed down.

I have had to point out this injustice more than once, but after the third discussion, (read - me explainig it in detail and him listening and agreeing) it has finally started to sink in that I am allowed to be unreasonable on occasions.

You need to think of a time that he has over reacted and you have tolerated it, and point out that that's what he should have done.

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/01/2011 14:30

rudolph - you sound more reasonable than me. I think that you do an awful lot and if the flash-point is often at a certain time of day then it's only fair you look into how to make that a bit easier. eg - he takes responsibility for sorting out breakfast on certain days of the week.

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/01/2011 14:32

Oh, and if you work as well, why can he not get up in the night?

Aims80 · 06/01/2011 14:53

You have apologised to him so don't labour the point, in fact let him apologise for overeacting and not realising how much strain you can be under sometimes! YANBU.

Original poster

rudolphsmum · 06/01/2011 14:55

Yes the waking up in the night discussion ....grrr had it many times. The truth is that if I insisted he would. But then I would actually have to wake him up to get up(you could smack him over the head in his sleep and he wouldn't notice) and then we are both awake and grouchy which seems pointless.

All I really want is for it to be ok for mummy to sometimes have a bad day.

OP posts:

mommmmyof2 · 06/01/2011 15:31

I no what you mean about waking him up if you are awake as it is pointless when you are both awake, men seem to have this ability to sleep through the children, or maybe they don't but choose to ignore them.
It is a hard situation but from what you have said you do not seen unreasonable at all.

Ormirian · 06/01/2011 15:36

Aw come on, if you are allowed to be unreasonable, so is he

Original poster

rudolphsmum · 06/01/2011 15:51

Yes Ormiran you have a point but he has now dragged it out all day and there is no guarantee that it will end once he gets home this evening. I think we are talking degrees here ;)

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/01/2011 16:48

Is he often like this? Does he blow up sometimes? Maybe he is very scared of strong emotions like that. Hope you are able to talk about it.

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