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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my job?

32 replies

aristomache · 05/01/2011 16:32

It's making me so miserable and depressed to the point where I feel it's changed me as a person.

I travel a long way there and back which is hard, as well as having to drop dd off at a family member's house at an ungodly hour(well not that ungodly at 7:30am, but feels like it on these cold dark mornings)

I hate the work - it's boring me to tears,isn't stretching me at all,I really dislike my immediate boss and my office mates are dropping like flies. Soon there will only be me and two others left, both men - which doesn't bother me per se but I just don't have any rapport with them at all.

I've been looking for something else since before christmas and there is almost nothing, in the last 2 months there have been 2 jobs that I am qualified for and experienced enough to get, but never even had a "thanks, but no thanks" response.

I do want to stay till I get something else but it's looking so unlikely which is also depressing in itself.

The crux of the matter is that I don't actually have to work, my son has special needs and I get carers allowance for him(as I'm only working 16 hours) and wouldn't have to sign on as a job-seeker if I left work.

But would leaving make me a quitter, and set a bad example to my kids? Or should I really not be putting myself through this if it's making me this unhappy.

OP posts:

iloveyankees · 05/01/2011 16:34

If you are really not happy and getting depressed I would leave. You can always find a job in the meantime :)

gailpud · 05/01/2011 16:43

I would say stick it out for a little bit longer if you have been there less than a year but keep looking for something new.

If you have had this job for a year or more, set a date for when you want to hand your notice in, say in 2 months time and see how you feel knowing you are leaving without another job to go to.

Monitor your feelings in this time and see if you are happy, or if the job seems better somehow as you have mentally released yourself - as it were - from the misery.

Good luck though.

LindyHemming · 05/01/2011 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlymama · 05/01/2011 16:54

If you are miserable and depressed, and you could leave without claiming any benefits other than what you would get either way, then you should go. Are you staying just because you don't want to be seen as a quitter?

You can get another job to give your kids a good influence, or do voluntry work. But a job you hate that is not even going to benefit your carreer in the long run is not worth making yourself miserable and depressed for.

monkeyflippers · 05/01/2011 16:57

I think leave if it makes you that unhappy and you really don't even have to be there. The you can chose to find another job (if you want) in your own time.

I've ben in jobs that I've hated and it's hell.

Original poster

aristomache · 05/01/2011 19:23

Sorry for posting and running, friends turned up!

Yeah monkey it is hell, just the thought of going in the next day is making me bloody miserable at home as well.

curly it's not so much that I don't want to be seen as a quitter, more that I don't want to BE a quitter.

There isn't much reason for me to be sat around at home all day, and I'd rather be at work, just not this work

Plus I do think there must be thousands of people who hate their jobs but it's just one of those things that has to be done in life.

Still haven't made my mind up about quitting yet, but it's getting more and more of a tempting solution everyday

OP posts:

charliesmommy · 05/01/2011 19:41

If you can afford to leave, then I would leave. It will free you up to look for something that you do enjoy.

Life is too short to force yourself into doing something you dislike if there is no need to do it.

TrillianAstra · 05/01/2011 19:48

I would not base a massive decision like this on AIBU.

TrillianAstra · 05/01/2011 19:51

Posted too soon - I wouldn't base a decision like this on AIBU, so does that mean that you have already decided and are hoping that we will agree?

It sounds as if you want to leave, but can you afford to just leave right now, or would it be better to look for another job and then leave?

cornshilk007 · 05/01/2011 19:55

Trillian is right of course but I think if I was so miserable and could afford to be out of work then I would leave.

onceamai · 05/01/2011 19:56

It's usually easier to get a job when you've got a job. If you only work 16 hours a week could you work the hours more flexibly so that you don't have to do the early mornings. You have every right to make a flexible working request and your employer is statutorily obliged to consider it and will have to provide significant business reasons to refuse you.

Original poster

aristomache · 05/01/2011 20:03

Not really once there are two shifts, but doing the later one would mean I wouldnt be here for dd when she finishes school, and the long commute home would be a killer later on.

I hadn't made my decision when I posted on here, I don't really trust my own judgement if I'm honest and really did want to know if it would BU to leave.

But I have spoken to various RL friends and all agree that it isn't worth making myself so unhappy, miserable and knackered for.

I cant even bear the thought of going in tomorrow, never mind sticking at it till I find something else. I'm going to talk to my boss tomorrow.

OP posts:

curlymama · 05/01/2011 20:12

Is there any other sort of job you would like to do, even if it's one that pays less? Any courses you'd like to take or any voluntry work you fancy doing?

I admire you for not wanting to quit, I really do, but if you were able to focus on something positive for yourself then you could easily change the mindset you have about quitting.

The way I see it is that you only get one chance at life, and you never know what is around the corner. You may not get to see what wonderful thing is behind the next door unless you close this one.

Original poster

aristomache · 05/01/2011 20:15

I'd really love to work from home, have a few ideas but not sure about putting them into practice.

One thing I do know is that this job is not for me and it's sapping all the life out of me!

OP posts:

onceamai · 05/01/2011 20:16

Good luck OP. I gave a part-time job (2.5 days) when DS was 15 months and never regretted for a minute. Was a SAHM for 8 years and really enjoyed every one of them.

curlymama · 05/01/2011 20:18

Whatever your ideas are, have a look on the internet tonight once the dc's are in bed. See if there are any agencies or whatever that could help you with how to put things into practice.

Even if nothing comes of it, getting the info may give you a bit more energy to face the rest of the week at work. But maybe something will come of it and it will be the start of the rest of your happier life.

SkyBluePearl · 05/01/2011 20:25

can you give it up and do some volunatry work in school in the mean time before getting another job? Reading etc. Or can you think of an job/area you would like to work in and ask to do voluntary work in that environment.

Original poster

aristomache · 05/01/2011 20:25

Thank you all for replies :)

OP posts:

glastocat · 05/01/2011 20:34

If you possibly can, you should leave. I didn't, and ended up signed off with depression. I haven't been able to go back, and its nearly a year on. Its not worth ruining your health over.

carriedaxmaspudding · 05/01/2011 20:42

fuck that i'd be out of the door, faster than rick waller gets up the buffet bar at pizza hit

Original poster

aristomache · 05/01/2011 21:13

lmao!!!

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 05/01/2011 21:22

Look for something else.

Work is not about what you earn but how much you enjoy it at the end of the day.

You should be looking forward to it not dreading it.

carriedaxmaspudding · 05/01/2011 21:33

well in the words of the great poet........ ronan keating

you should be loving each day as if its the last

cornshilk007 · 05/01/2011 23:07

In the words of Barry MANILOW
'Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?'

tethersend · 05/01/2011 23:15

"you should be loving each day as if its the last"

Lying in bed unconscious attached to a life support machine? That doesn't sound like much fun, TBH.

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