to want to stop saying "Good XXX" to DCs every time they so much as breath?

[SlightlyJaded]

Honestly! I heard myself saying "Good standing sweetie" this morning, just because DS3 was stood waiting for me at the end of the alley.

"Good waiting" - I say this all the time
"Good sharing" - obv to encourage sharing, not so bad
"Good eating" - see above
"Good pooing" why? What is bad pooing?
"Good buckling" as DD 5 puts her shoes on

I want to smack myself.

Does anyone else find themselves 'praising' every innocuous bit of daily life in an attempt to 'reward good behaviour".

I am driving myself mad with it but can't seem to stop. I am just waiting for the day I say "good shagging" to DH

I'm sure your DH would appreciate that . On a serious note - me and DH did notice, when ours were little and we were sleep-deprived and irritable, that a little more praise and thanks to each other went a long way.

Bt I know what you mean, hearing yourself say the same things over and over. The earlier parenting years do result in a lot of loud inane chatter. Then you miss it and have to start talking to yourself in the supermarket

Like that article everything

YADNBU. When DD was born DH would was always saying "oh good girl well done" about everything she did and pathetically initially I would think he was talking to me and would feel all pleased with myself

Kerala - that is sweet, whatever you need to do to get by is what I say!

We have it the other way round. DD has obviously taken on the praising thing and says, 'Well done Mummy!' and 'Well done Daddy' when we tidy up jigsaw pieces/ pour her a drink/ get her dressed etc. It makes me smile but a small part of me feels quite chuffed at being a 'good girl'.

I am guilty of doing this, but after reading the article posted I realise that I am also a product of it.

I'm have perfectionist tendencies and need praise. I really identify with the black and white thinking that overpraise can create. I'm very conscious that my automatic thinking is that if I haven't done (and been told that I have done)a 'good job' then logically I must have done a 'bad job'. It can be paralysing and I attach a huge amount of my self worth to doing a good job, which is far from healthy and something I am working on.

Have just read that article Everythingchanges I am seriously going to have to put gaffa tape across my mouth to make myself stop.

Good linking

I do it all the time but I have to. Ds2 needs constant reassurance about what he has done. He is 14, I will still ve doing it when he is 40 and already I give random people like shop staff thumbs up praise.

when he got stressed about 'good' we moved on to excellent so Most of the local shops are used to 'excellent wrapping' and big thumbs up grins.

I look like a loon

Excellent contributing.

Zero intrinsic motivation, that's exactly it. I am absolutely a product of this kind of parenting. My Dad studied psychology in the early sixties, I assume that's where he got it from. If I'm left alone I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Not sure how to change either. But if I do, I bet loads of people will say "Well done!"

Gah, yes I hate it too, I was doing it a little and then heard my SIL say 'Good putting on of your shoes' and 'Good medicine taking' to her 3yo, I realised enough was enough.

I tend to praise my children a lot as I was never praised as a child and really felt the lack of that in my life (I have a very low opinion of myself now which can be a bit crippling).

I don't want to go too far the other way though and praise every little thing the kids do.

I do find myself going ott with the praise and having to rein myself in a bit.

i'll admit to being guilty of this. 3yo DD stills inform me of every bowel movement, eagerly awaiting congratulation, after I overdid it a bit when potty training.

BUT my father was a brute who never praised, and would greet a 95% exam score with "what happened to the other 5%?". I hated it. So I figure if I am going to err on one side, better the side of giving too much inane praise.

I praise all the time, but I try and be specific and notice the effort and action-

so- good tidying up becomes- well done for putting the toys away, it is hard work and you did it brilliantly. You remembered to put the cars in the car box, that is really good sorting.

Sheesh- I bore myself.

I think my all time low was when i once said "good hanging" to DD just because she hung her coat, scarf and PE bag on her peg at school. Does it get more inane and meaningless than that? There was a mother standing next to me at the time, she looked at me as if to say "it's madness but its ok - we all do it". I think I must have been blushing at my own witterings.

I am really going to try and reconsider how i praise my DCs. I want to praise them but not like this. It's like having reverse tourettes.

I have just read that article and it makes total sense. Will stop saying 'good' so much now...it was getting on my nerves anyhow

Could be worse, I'm desperately trying to stop saying "Aren't you clever?" every time DD does something remotely good.

I don't entirely agree with that article as I think it places to much emphasis on "manipulation" and I disagree that all praise is negative, how else is a child to learn, but I read a fascinating article in the New York Times about how to praise children so that you were re-enforcing that they had made an effort and done something successfully, rather than just praising their native intelligence/skill. So a focus on improvement rather than ability if that makes sense.

I've found a synopsis of the original study, but not the full study here

Thanks for posting that article.

I say "good job" way too much.

I first started to say it in an american accent as I found it to be an amusing phrase, but now I say it all the time and without much thought.
Best change my ways.

It's when parents say 'goood giiirl' in that really awed admiring voice that grates