Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not be able to sleep when my husband is away?

18 replies

geezmyfeetarecold · 05/01/2011 13:57

Im hopeless. Does anyone else "get scared" when alone in their own house at night and how do you combat this?

(should mention when I was a teen I woke up to a man holding a torch in my face during a robbery at my home)

OP posts:

Mothigail · 05/01/2011 14:02

Yes. This is me. It makes me feel like a child.

My DH went to Spain for a month last year and I surprised myself with how much I did manage to sleep. I think what helped in the end was sheer exhuastion and distraction (was pg, with awful morning sickness). But you can't always be pregnant every time you're alone at night...

I have been terrible on one-off nights he's been away and even if he's been out late (not getting to sleep until he walks through the door).

I don't know where it comes from in my case. I am only really realising now - aged 31 - that I have been anxious all my life. I also remember not being able to nod off to sleep when I was, say, 9 years old until I heard my dad's car rolling down the drive after his late shift (at about 11am). It's strange, because I was scared of my dad...

Original poster

geezmyfeetarecold · 05/01/2011 14:05

Im probably only assuming my fear comes from that incident. Im more likely just a nervous sleeper. Landing light is left on and I keep one eye on the door when he is away.
does large L sign on forehead

OP posts:

Mothigail · 05/01/2011 14:06

If it's any consolation, both of my sisters have this too, or have done in the past...I think mostly before they had children. So you're perhaps in a bigger club than you think.

I think if he were to go away for any length of time again I would definitely make a big deal of night-time rituals - warm milky drink, bath, book, bit of internet nonsense. Distract distract distract.

And this will sound sad but chatting with people online is good: there are people around late at night, it's a reminder that you really are NOT alone on the planet, and it tires the eyes and trivialises the brain. Works for me, anyway.

aftereight · 05/01/2011 14:06

Well, when I read the thread title I felt nothing but relief that I'm not the only one! However, my scaredycat tendencies are without basis, whereas no wonder you're scared after an experience like that! I do think that being aware of an intruder would just about finsh me off..
No tips other than that I leave lights on downstairs and in spare room and the radio on in the kitchen. And the house alarm, although god knows what I would do if it went off!

emy72 · 05/01/2011 14:07

YANBU

I am exactly the same. I dread it when DH is away as I struggle to sleep, and even when I do eventually fall asleep every tiny noise wakes me up immediately.

I don't know what the answer is, frankly!

Mowiol · 05/01/2011 14:08

geezmyfeetarecold - given your horrible experience as a teen I'm not surprised you feel like this!!
If it's any comfort you are not alone - there have been a couple of threads about this and I'm one of those who hates being alone overnight.
I hate those little "night noises" and have to get up to identify them.

Mothigail · 05/01/2011 14:08

The coldness of the bed when they're away does NOT help either, eh? I wrap up ridiculously warm.

Har, if you're a loser then I am too. I tend to check the locks a lot...go downstairs to check the oven is off...daft...

Original poster

geezmyfeetarecold · 05/01/2011 14:09

The funniest thing is that i dont know why I feel safer with him. He would sleep through a bomb blast lol.

OP posts:

Original poster

geezmyfeetarecold · 05/01/2011 14:10

Its a relief so see I am not alone

OP posts:

weegiemum · 05/01/2011 14:13

I sleep much better when my hubby is away as there is noone snoring in my ear!

Mothigail · 05/01/2011 14:13

geezmyfeetarecold - now you say that I'm thinking that I'm not always great when he's there. I have, during a particularly anxious phase, woken him to ask him if there are intruders in the house. Odd.

My sister says that she even used to get this wave of lethargy in the daytime when her DH was away (again, before children). She would curl up on the sofa and stare at the telly, frozen, until he walked through the door.

NeedToSleepZZZ · 05/01/2011 14:15

Sorry about your past experience geezmyfeet sounds like the reason why.

Must admit I'm the opposite, I sleep much better on my own. OH snores, rolls about, talks and has even been known to EAT in his sleep! If we had another room I'd seriously consider separate sleeping arrangements! At 35 weeks pregnant I've had to make him sleep on the sofa at times as he makes it even more difficult! Love him really

MooMooFarm · 05/01/2011 14:19

geez I do sympathise, and I'm not surprised you struggle to sleep alone after what you experienced.

Is there anything practical you could do to put your mind at rest? I'm thinking maybe getting a dog with a big loud bark, or a good linked up alarm system.

Poshpaws · 05/01/2011 14:27

What I do is leave the landing and hall lights on, lock the porch door and fall asleep in front of the bedroom tv . However, I then wake up several times because the tv has woken me .

I am actually better if DH is away for more than one night as I get used to it, so end up sleeping much better by day 3 or 4.

Sorry to hear about your previous experience.

AbsofCroissant · 05/01/2011 14:30

YANBU - I can't sleep either, but that's because I'm a mushy romantic loser rather than a traumatic experience. He can't sleep properly away from me either.

cryhavoc · 05/01/2011 14:37

I was like this when we were first married.

However, six years and three war zone deployments later I have learned to manage sigh (And we also have two Rottweilers. This helps )

Original poster

geezmyfeetarecold · 06/01/2011 00:17

Trying to get as tired as possible.

OP posts:

mutznutz · 06/01/2011 00:20

You're not being unreasonable.

My husband works a week of night shift every 3 weeks and I can't sleep well at all when he's at work. Not because I'm scared (I feel my dog's bark is a great comfort because that would alert me to anything suspicious) but because I just miss cuddling up to him.

Flip