In thinking MIL should butt out if she doesn't want to help out

[bubbleandsqueaks]

My dh and I work hours around each other as we would struggle to afford childcare and we have no family that would be willing to help out.

DH works 7-3 Mon - Sat and I work 3.30 - 7.30 Mon - Fri. It's not ideal but it pays the bills, helps us keep the roof over out heads.

DD1 is due to start nursery next month. MIL thinks that I should quit work, or change hours to so school hours, as when my dc started full time school they would never see me. I pointed out that we cannot afford for me to quit work and in the holidays one of us needs to be home to look after them, not to mention the days they are ill or training days etc.

She left me feeling like I will lose my daughters when they start full time school. DD2 is only 7 weeks so I might be over sensitive atm but do you think working 3.30 - 7.30pm when both dc are in school is unreasonable?

I am really worried about this now. I will be there to pick them up from school but then I will be handing them over to dh and going to work, when I come home it will be time for them to go bed.

Am I going to lose my relationship with them?

bubble you and DH will both be spending individual quality time with DCs during the week and family time at weekends.

that is a lot more than a lot of other LO's can say so you are doing just fine

bubble I work shifts and dh works regular hours so he is always here late afternoon/bedtime when I am not about twice per week. (I no that isn't every week night, but I do work some weekends as well so dh takes over then as well. :)) Like you, we have to make it work for us.

Some things that help; when I have "free" time, i.e. when one is at school and one at nursery, I try and plan ahead with laundry and food etc. Very simple meals in the evening. Both have a hot meal at school/nursery.

I try to avoid doing household stuff when we are all together, or we do it together. i.e. I might have a chat with dd1 while we tidy her room, or I might cook a meal/cake with dd2.

They are 3 and 7 now; we have juggled like this since before dd1 was 1 year old.

I also find it a big help to ignore any negative comments, e.g. "poor dh for having to babysit his own dds" etc. Or any suggestion that them having their dad with them is somehow not as good as having me witih them.

Plenty of lone parents would love to have this option I am sure.

Don't worry. ATM they are so young they'll barely remember this period once they're grown. And as they get older, even if your situation stays the same and you're both working the same hours, they'll be going to bed later so you'll have loads of time with them.

They'll know you love them, and they'll know you are working to make their lives better. You've still got time to spend with them, and go to the park.

Don't worry; your MIL is just guilt-tripping. Ignore her.

Sweetheart, your MIL is stirring and guilt tripping.

I don't know how old she is, but MY mum got told that she was taking away the jobs from men back in the late 60s....

You have YEARS to worry about this... Anything could happen. You could get another job, that is within school hours, you could start your own business or you could win the lottery.

If you think that working of a night time would not be desirable in 3 or 4 years time, then you have all the interim time to put a plan together to rectify the situation.

Please don't let others try and tell you how to live your life. if it works for you and your family then tbh, everyone else can back off.

If anyone says the DH babysitting his own kids, FGS don't stand for that!

Don't most people who work 9-5 get home about 7 by the time you factor in never finishing on time and the commute?
I know I certainly do (and i am often on call till 10pm, work nights and weekends etc) and it has never entered my head that this would affect my relationship with my dc.
I just thought this was called work, and normal life?

Try telling MIL that Bobbiesmum

Many children get less face time with a parent than yours will. My DH leaves for work at 07:00 and isn't back yet. Our LO is due in April.

It won't be easy for him but I'm sure he'll have a great relationship with his child, it'll be his main focus at weekends. I don't see that much of him in the week and we still have a fantastic relationship.

You're worrying too much. Shared care like you have is probably better than the single-parent-in-week care mine will have. There's not many jobs around and you've got to keep a roof over your head, don't be too idealistic like your MIL is.