re disciplining 7yo

[COCKadoodledooo]

Ds1 is just 7. He is Doing My Nut with answering back and not doing what he's told when he's told to do it.

Ok, so he's a kid, so I don't expect an instant "How high?" whenever I say jump. I do however expect some sort of response, not to be completely blanked. He gets asked once, told once and then -insert consequence of choice depending on current location-.

Today he's just really pissed me off. Nowt seems to work. I'm dreading the morning shoutathon that will be resumed when he goes back to school tomorrow, so I've said that if I have to shout/tell him off/he fails to do as asked for the 3 mornings this week, then I shan't be enrolling him for football club this half term.

Is that unreasonable?

Obv I won't be backing down so I hope for his sake he manages it because he loves his footy - just curious as to what others think/would do

Sounds fair to me

do a chart - hang it in kitchen

places to put the warnings

allow him to work off a bad moment with a good thing - carrot and stick

if he gets to the end of the week and he has 3 bad signs (so might have had 5 bad signs but 2 good ones)

then no football

(it's a bit of a long-term punishment to be honest - I'd look to sign him up then continue the programme so he doesn't get to go if he gets 3 bad in a week)

Sounds fair to me although I think I would try a less severe punishment to start with, I mean, you say he loves his footy but does he realy get that you mean it? Could you take away a different privilige to start with so he realises you mean it?

If you've already said it though I would stick to it. I do exactly the same with both of mine (11 and 3) and they know we will always follow through.

Oh I feel your 7 year old DS pain

If you find a solution can you let me know? Will gladly pay hard cash......

I feel that pain too ds 6 (and a half as he says) has been like you describe the whole holidays :(

Cheers all. And sorry you're going through it too, but I have to say it heartens me somewhat - it's maybe due to his age and he's not actually a little git.

Activate, dh has suggested similar so yeah, I'll give the chart a go. It's a pay upfront thing though, so the only person losing out if I do it week to week like you suggest is me (financially!).

Meh. I just want him to want to do what he's told, he shouldn't need bribing/guilting into it. I guess small boys have different priorities

consider it as paying to teach him a valuable lesson and cutting down his PITA behaviour

I seem to remember 7 being quite a challenging age with my ds 9 too............ think I had to clamp down quite hard but at the same time give him a chance to put things right/ earn back privileges too. It went on for quite a while iirc but the last couple of years have been MUCH easier and I'm sure it was because I was consistent with consequenses. I agree that no football is quite a big punishment - I would save that for when he's REALLY in trouble. I used to do no xbox/telly/ favourite toy/pocket money etc for 24 hrs. It worked well for us. It's very wearing though you have my sympathies.

Cock, our DS is 6.8 and sounds exactly the same. Usually, I do the shouty business too but if I'm finding it really hard I find something he really wants, like football or staying up late and just keep reminding him its a treat for good behaviour. Usually it works, he still tries PITA behaviur but quickly changes when he realises that his treat won't materialise.

Think what I'm trying to say is that I like activate's suggestion and might just try it myself

Are you sure he can hear you?

Sounds a bit mad, I know, but I found that, once I'd touched DS lightly on the shoulder and made sure he was actually listening (eye contact is a good indicator), he became much more compliant.

It's just you say your DS blanks you and that's exactly what mine did. I realised it was because he hadn't heard a word I'd said. Then he'd get aggressive because I was cross with him "for no reason!".

Agree with Tanith. DS was behaving particularly badly before Christmas, it turned out that he had an ear infection. It might be worth checking his hearing out.

Totally agree with Tanith, even a snotty nose can cause an ear bung up at this age. My 7yr old DD does have selective hearing tho' she does tune out anything not taking her attention, and genuinely does not hear. Drives me (and her dad) wild...

Just want to shout on here that there has been NO SHOUTING in our house this morning

Thanks guys. Tanith you're right, sometimes I guess he simply hasn't heard. He has no hearing problems, and no cold atm, so it's not that, more as Pippity says - he's just tuning me out. And that's what winds me up! That's why I do the ask once, tell once thing, then there's an outside chance he will hear at least once!

Anyhoo, dh said he thought I'd been a bit harsh, so we talked about Activate's solution. This morning ds and I talked about it too. We came up with a compromise on Activate's suggestion.

I'm not prepared to be out of pocket for his misbehaviour - he does the crime, he does the time. So he gets through these 3 days with smiley faces outnumbering sad ones then he gets the footy, and we'll continue week to week. If his sad faces outnumber smiley faces, I asked him what he thought about forfeiting the pocket money he'd earnt that week. He said it was fair - and then he said that he didn't think he should get to play football that week either. I hope this is the beginning of the end for narkiness on both sides ()...

oh well done - it is always a good idea to agree with the culprit child. You can also get him to write out the rules (or you do it) and sign them and stick them up by the smiley face chart

glad there's no shouting