AIBU to be angry with my nan!

[mommmmyof2]

My nan is very ill at the moment and she is on alot of medication for her chest and she is also a diabetic.I do feel really sorry for her most of the time as she is scared of dying and she nearly did 4 years ago.The doctors said she was lucky to pull through.

But she has always had a little bit of a nasty streak in her.Today i had my mom at mine crying her eyes out for all the horrible things she said to her.Like 'one less to cry at my funeral' my mom is so dedicated to her family.She works so hard for us all and does not deserve it.

I no she is ill but her fustration is always aimed at my mom.Now my mom has not been well herself but still goes to work and looks after grandchildren and my nan.I am so worried about my mom because no matter what she will always let my nan speak to her so nasty.

My mom is a saint to put up with it, i feel so sorry to watch her cry and then i get angry with my nan.Ill or not you don't have to be so cruel to the people who love you

Unfortunately, being old and/or ill doesn't magically turn horrible people into nice ones.

All you can do I suppose is give her the benefit of the doubt just in case it IS the age/illness making her so crotchety and unpleasant.

YANBU but you sound like you need support. Maybe you should post this in relationships. Good luck with your situation, and give your mum lots of love.

Some people just are like that though. Being ill doesn't suddenly turn them into Mother Theresa aadly. IME it tends to accentuate any personality traits that are already there. Your Nan is not going to change.

That doesn't make it right though, all I can really say is to be there for your Mum (who sounds lovely btw) and try to help her 'rise above it'.

Tell your Mum she can always get her own back by planting nettles on the old biddy's grave, or if she's getting cremated, scatter her somewhere she'd have hated.

When I wish to wind up my DP I tell him I'm going to scatter his ashes on the Tottenham pitch (he's an Arsenal supporter)

Thank you, yeah she is not going to change, i mean she is no monster but she can sometimes do a good job of acting like one!
My mom loves her so much and wants her to just get well, but all this is having an effect on my mom's health.But i no if i said anything i could make the situation worse :(

It is awful how older people act some times we have the same situation and as my Nan is 97 yro we are always afraid if we walk out on a row it could be the last thing we say to her.
Our solution is to send in someone slightly removed if we think she wants an argument, so My Dad or DP go and put on their professional face .
Christmas when her alarm was being set off at all hrs I asked the operator to send the police to check as it was the 3 night she pressed it and would not ans alarm or ph call.
Can you get extra support home help etc ?
What we laugh about is Mum is Nan's main carer and Mum takes her own entitled respite while my Nan would never go.

my mum is nans main carer and my nan can be very nasty and moans constantly,she is currently ringing my mum about 15 times a day for silly things,like cant find tv remote,mum is there every day too.Mums brother does sod all and lives acharmed life and her sis lives in nz,mum has no money and is exhausted,me and my sisters are getting together to take some stuff on,can you do this.

Ledkr from someone who has taken on some care plse be careful and look after your own family also as it is so easy to be sucked into and over whelmed by the situation and lose sight of what is important,
I say again try and get home helps etc involved even that 1 hr a day of peace of mind that they are al-right is priceless to your sanity

How horrid for your mum, and you seeing your mum so sad. This is a bit left field and might be a long shot but here goes....My own nan progressively got nasty for about a decade when cared for by some of her very attentive daughters (9 children). She was home cared and completely incontinent, essentially immobile, needed food mashing etc so we're talking round the clock care. Her doctor retired, so a new one took her on as a patient and did a drugs review, turned out one of her meds had a nasty side effect in some people of making them aggressive. He tried a couple of new combinations and she became a completely changed person.

It might just be worth seeing if your mum is able to mention the aggression to the doctor encase it is in anyway drugs related or even could be drug aided by pain management if this is one of the potential issues.

Perhaps we should all be incredibly to kind to our children because at the end of the day they will chose our care homes.

Thank you to all your posts, i have spoken to my mom and she seems to think now it may be my nan's medication.
I won't tell my mom how to deal with the situation and i guess it is right you do have the feeling that if you have an argument it could be the last thing you say.
But i do worry about my mom so much, she is my world (as corny as that sounds) so it is hard to see her so upset.
But i will always be there for both mom and nan, and hope it is the medication that set her off today