I just need to get it off my chest so angry

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I am so tired and can't sleep with what I have been told......I love my sons

I have never wished harm on anyone but I hope this scum feels some pain.

Preying on women with kids!!!

My sons were never alone with him they are safe but he wanted to spend time with my eldest......

I fucking feel ill thinking what could have happened!

He wanted to collect my eldest from his late basketball match
it was cancelled but he was going to....

The face licking incident upset the boy so much he ran shouting to his mum straight away.

YABU. Totally disgusting to hang, draw and quarter somebody based upon hearsay.
Your 'friend' has heard allegations, I fear we have not moved on from 16th century Salem at all.
Yes children need protecting but single men are not all after them.

'Bugger hearsay' what a wonderful idea small mercies the real world is not run like this.

What a ridiculous statement.

it turns out this man has previously been charged
Not heresay then.

I'm not sure that someone asserting that someone has previously been charged mean that they have; they could be mistaken or misinformed. And as missmehalia pointed out, being charged don't mean they've ever been convicted. There are any number of reasons why a conviction doesn't take place (be it lack of evidence, a malicious or mistaken accusation, ?).

TLE should also recognize the limitations of her knowledge and the damage that propagating such rumours might have upon their subjects.

It should be fairly simple to search the court records to find out whether a charge was made and whether it was followed by a conviction. (Disclaimer: I've never done this, and have no idea how to go about it. Google is probably your friend.)

As a survivor of abuse i'd never risk my children's safety thankfully their almost all grown up now.

g33 do you not find it a bit odd that a man that this man was pushing to spend time alone with the OP's children?

I also say bugger hearsay, it is one thing saying you shouldn't spread rumours but when children are involved best have as much info as possible. I'd much rather a few reputations be called in to question that children's lives be ruined.

53 children are sexually abused every day accoring to the NSPCC and they think that is a small percentage as most children don't tell.
You can just look on mumsnet to see how many people here were abused as children

Do you also think men who have been accused of rape should get anonymity?

I think the safety of children is paramount ayouyou should have nothing further to do with him. You do need to find out whether he's been charged or convicted.

of course people accused should remain anonymous until proven guilty.

But Hairy, no one else get anonymity until proven guilty (but the case has been put forward that men who are accused of rape shoudl get it as their reputations can be ruined).

TLE I found the emotions when this happened to us so hard to deal with - disgust, betrayal, horror, guilt, anger, relief my ds wasn't a victim, shame at feeling that way as niece was. It's hard to have that much anger and no one to direct it too.

Your dc are safe just now, all you can do is wait until further information is available and support your friends. It might take some time to develop and get more information, irc it took 2 days before police showed up to take statements arrived after SIL called them (as he wasnt living with them dn wasnt in direct danger).

g33k, I have tried in the past and couldn't find any court records for a conviction I knew about (knew full name, rough date, court where sentenced), don't think its that easy.

How shocking, I agree with hairy. It is also strange that this man wants to spend more time with your oldest DC, that he contacted ss saying that TLE Ds needed more loving . Heresay or not, you have to err on the side of caution and keep your DS away from this man and your family. Your DS safety is your first concern, we are not saying that we should be vigilanties and take the law into our hands, just be careful and wary.

theevildead2: Give me a moment; I'm currently researching the prevalence of child abuse. [[http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/research/findings/childmaltreatmentintheunitedkingdom_wda48252.html the NSPCC] suggest 16% of under-16s are subjected to it, but I'm a little unsure of the definition and methods in their research. (~30% of that 16% involved no contact, for example, which is an aspect of sexual abuse I hadn't previously considered.)

However, I'd be a little careful taking anecdotes of child abuse on Mumsnet as evidence. Such posters are a self-selecting sample and likely over-represented in threads ? "I wasn't abused as a child" probably isn't (in most cases) a topic worthy of raising.

Regards rape allegations, yes, I believe that anonymity until conviction is a good idea. However, I haven't done any research into what effects this would have on both victims and the accused. That said, according to a TES article (I'll try to find the link) less than 10% of allegations of abuse against teachers are upheld, yet in the vast majority of these cases the accused's life and career is irreparably damaged.

Yes g33k I know mumsnet is only anecdotal evidence, but I don't feel it out of proportion to the many people (albeit all women)that I have know personally who were also abused as children.

I tend to err on the side of caution, as pigletmania said we're not talking about vigilanty justice (if that was the impression I gave) just that I think people should be as aware as possible and have all info available with regards to their children.

Oh and I suspect "no contact" is probably grooming, which I still consider sexual abuse.

I've found the TES article. They claim ~1800 allegations over 12 years to 2004 (currently at a rate of 183 per year). ~200 went to court, with 83 (4.6%) resulting in a conviction.

I wasn't suggesting that non-contact abuse is necessarily any less serious than contact abuse, more that there are differing definitions of abuse, and that (as the NSPCC report points out) "there is no neat dividing line between children who are abused and children who are not". Trying to sum it up as "53 children every day" tells us very little without knowing the definition, extent and so forth.

The NSPCC 'non-contact' category includes "using the child to make pornographic photographs or videos, showing the child pornography, forcing or encouraging the child to watch live sexual acts, and exposing sex organs to excite themselves or shock the child." (i.e. not just grooming).

Getting back on topic, telling everyone of a suspicion of paedophilia and uncorroborated rumour of a charge isn't informing them; there's likely too much that's unknown.

Additionally, regardless of whether or not homosexuality is linked to a greater inclination to abuse (is there evidence for this?) it would still tell you nothing in this one instance. It's like saying (to pick an example out of the air) that because public-schooled children are more likely to be accepted for Oxford, then given a public-schooled individual, he or she likely went to Oxford.

g33k - massive amounts of child abuse go unreported.
My step father told me I would have to go into care if I told anyone.
I was abused for over 5 years - constantly and seriously.
I am an adult survivor - now 47 with children but the effects will be with me for ever.
Paedophiles are very clever at getting themselves into situations where they are trusted and then free to abuse.
I am not overly protective of my boys as I know that paedophiles don't tend to lurk in the bushes - they are trusted and in childrens' lives.
I trust my instincts.
Op - trust your instincts -licking a child's face is beyond wrong..
But your boys are safe so worry no more and just keep away from this man.

TLES- You really need to be very very careful when men you haven't known long take an interest in your children, new partners included.
It seems a strange and unlikely tale that a man who has previously been charged with paedophilia would ringing SS saying a child he knows needs more hugs.

regardless of whether or not homosexuality is linked to a greater inclination to abuse (is there evidence for this?) it would still tell you nothing in this one instance. It's like saying (to pick an example out of the air) that because public-schooled children are more likely to be accepted for Oxford, then given a public-schooled individual, he or she likely went to Oxford

The Op mentioned his sexuality because someone said the women who made the accusations were possibly upset previous partners, so the OP said it was unlikely as his prev partners would have been men

Btw I'm amazed that the NSPCCs non contact category includes forcing children to watch porn or be in pornography. I hate to think what constitutes the other 70% of abuse :(

Ah, sorry; I misread the bit the relevance of the homosexuality. Mind you, one still doesn't know of the nature of the relationship between the accusers and the accused.

The NSPCC don't say how prevalent pornography-related non-contact abuse is within the 30%, so I don't think one can draw many conclusions from its inclusion in the category. They also had a response rate of only 69%, which could skew their figures in unknown ways (e.g. an over-reporting if people believe that because they weren't abused there's no point in responding, or an under-reporting if people were abused but affected so as to not want to express any details about it).

iamamug: I sympathise. Regards it going unreported, I imagine that we can only get asymptotically close to knowing the true extent.

I simply said that it was not an ex partner as the allegation original allegations came from a woman not a man and he is homosexual.

Now, I may be being unreasonable but my point is.

I have many male friends who have NEVER taken such an interest in my DS1.

This man was asking to the point of almost begging to take DS1 out. I would not let him.

He repeatedly asked to take DS1 to his place.

He offered to collect DS1 from a late night basketball match.

Without any prompting.

Now I find this odd.I may be BU but as a Mum this is my priority!!

Police have been to my friend today and she asked what we were dealing with , i.e is this a peadophile we are dealing with. Police said there have been previous allegations but we cannot disclose what they are.

The scum also contacted another friend K, and told her he would be contacting SS over her as well.

Now I know this may be hard to take in etc

But all the evidene so far points to one thing and i feel physically sick!