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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be a bit pissed off with my friend?

25 replies

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 20:32

Just before Christmas I had the chance for a very rare night out (DH works evenings, 2 v. young DCs, usually too skint for baby sitters).

Anyway I asked one of my oldest friends if she fancied going out. She has quite a hard time - she's on her own with 3 dcs. But she does have childcare available and probably gets the chance to go out more than me.

Anyway I travelled to the other side of London to meet her (to save her travelling), looking forward to seeing her and talking properly in a bar or something.

After I'd been with her about 40mins she says 'I'm going to ring this bloke and see if he can come too, I need to flirt'.

This bloke turns up, and he's the most boring, self absorbed twat and what's worse, he was making snide comments to my friend about the fact that her kids have two different Dads.

But this seemed to go over her head. And she just blanked me so I felt like a bored gooseberry, and annoyed on her behalf and annoyed that she couldn't even seem to see what a moron this bloke was.

I know she's slept with him a few times, which is entirely her business of course. I can't understand why she invited him along when we'd already arranged to meet.

If I'd have known she was going to do that I would have much rather gone to the cinema by myself.

I haven't been able to talk to her properly since because I'm still pissed off with her.
Although I did tell her I thought he was boring.

AIBU?

OP posts:
classydiva · 01/01/2011 20:35

Id make a comment in passing that you wanted a girlie night out not to feel like a spare part.

TheManWhoSoldtheWorld · 01/01/2011 20:35

YANBU, it was unfair for your friend to make you feel like a gooseberry and even more so to blank you.

I certainly wouldn't be rushing out with her again. Would it do you any good to let her know how you feel?

ssd · 01/01/2011 20:39

YANBU, thats crap

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 20:39

The thing is I know she's vulnerable - hence her giving any time at all to that idiot. So I don't want to hurt her feelings - but she was a selfish cow and I don't want to give up any more precious evenings in the near future. I think she only had the confidence to ring him because I was there or something - that's the only way I can understand her doing that,

OP posts:
CrazyChristmasLady · 01/01/2011 20:43

She was a selfish cow and was basically saying she was bored out with you and had to have this idiot there instead.

How rude of her to do this! I wouldn't be wasting any of your free evenings on her again.

YADNBU!

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 20:51

Yes I think you're right crazychristmaslady - actually a few years ago I was going out with her for an evening and she turned up with some magazines and send 'I bought these in case the conversation dries up'.

She is quite eccentric so I laughed it off but actually how weird is that? She must actually find me seriously boring. Perhaps she's just not been able to say she doesn't want to go out.....

OP posts:
monkeyflippers · 01/01/2011 21:04

I think you should tell her what a twat you think he is and that he doesn't seem to respect her.

mummyosaurus · 01/01/2011 21:06

YANBU don't waste any more of your evenings off on her.

TheManWhoSoldtheWorld · 01/01/2011 21:07

I think she was being rude and selfish too. I just don't know what to say to taking magazines out with you!

CrazyChristmasLady · 01/01/2011 21:07

"actually a few years ago I was going out with her for an evening and she turned up with some magazines and send 'I bought these in case the conversation dries up'."

Shock

I would seriously reconsider any 'friend' like this!!!!

newyearsheave · 01/01/2011 21:11

YANBU - That is so rude. I'm surprised you didn't just walk out.

What a crap way for her to treat you.

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 21:15

I have questioned my friendship with her many times over the years - sometimes her self centeredness is bordering on the pathological.

But when I;ve been really down, like once when I was going through a horrible breakup, she was the best friend ever. Also she's been really supportive in lots of other ways - bolstering my confidence about work, encouraging me to take opportunities etc

TBH she's just a very eccentric character and her heart's (usually) in the right place I think.

But this latest episode is going to take me a little while to get over.

OP posts:
TheManWhoSoldtheWorld · 01/01/2011 23:34

Maybe just don't actually go out with her again? You can have a friendship without this I would think?

My first impression would be to cut loose. I definitely wouldn't accept being treated like this otherwise.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 02/01/2011 00:17

She sounds like a "duty" friend. There is little enough time and energy in your life without an oxygen sapping narcissistic idiot like this.

I'd move on - leave her with the self absorbed taunt she enjoyed the evening with so much.

I'd have gone to the cinema !

ascouser · 02/01/2011 00:24

kick her to the curb Kitty. Thats a positive result from a crappy night out

pipsqueak · 02/01/2011 00:27

make it yoiur new years resolution to ditch selfish cowbag friend like this!

thenightsky · 02/01/2011 00:31

The minute the bloke comfirmed he was on his way, I would have said... right, I'm obviously far too boring for you so I'm pushing off, goodbye.

wayoftheworld · 02/01/2011 00:31

Why did you even hang around after the phone call?? She obviously made it clear she was not interested in you!! At least I would have stood up and left there and then..

kittycat37 · 02/01/2011 17:56

Yes wayoftheworld - maybe I should have done.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 02/01/2011 17:58

I think that's very rude and beyond the bounds of acceptable behaviour - I wouldn't have stayed long after this man turned up! What a shame she ruined your evening out - don't bother with her again.

taintedsnow · 02/01/2011 18:00

It was very rude and I'd be upset in those circumstances. YADNBU and I think you should say something. If she's that rude anyway, there's nothing to lose from pulling her up on what happened.

missmehalia · 02/01/2011 18:03

Nah, you deserve a better friend than that! You made a lot of sacrifices to get there, getting out of the house when you've young family is such a rat race. Especially getting across London! And she hijacked your evening. V selfish. Next time, stay closer to home and meet up with someone nicer. I'd drop the contact with her if I were you. Up to you if you bother to explain to her or not. If you see her again, she can come to your side of town. I've got a few eccentric friends, and I do make allowances for their funny habits because I do like them, and also because they do consider me and ask how I am (and, crucially, LISTEN to the answer, whatever it is.) All people have their little foibles, but there was no thought whatsoever for you in this. She has been a total moo to you.

Numberfour · 02/01/2011 18:03

what a cow! I would never go out with her again!

AnnieLobeseder · 02/01/2011 18:03

Very very rude and I wouldn't bother with a friend like that again.

Invite me next time! Grin

BeerTricksPotter · 02/01/2011 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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