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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are cases when...

10 replies

Catnao · 31/12/2010 19:53

it's actually NOT a good idea for a child to know who his/her biological father is?
I know of a family where I really believe this to be so and am in agreement with the mother and (non biological) father.

OP posts:
Numberfour · 31/12/2010 20:00

I think you may be right. but it must be very difficult for the child not knowing, especially when he or she is old enough to ask questions and to understand what's what.

Do you have a particular situation in mind, Catnao? (is this related to another thread that I have missed?)

TheVisitor · 31/12/2010 20:03

Isn't it the right of the child that they know their origins, if not only for genetic reasons if there are any diseases which are carried through their father's side of the family?

MumGoneCrazy · 31/12/2010 20:04

Yep my son is one of them cases

He never met his sperm donor until he was 8 and walked away asking me never to take him there again so I didn't...not that his sperm donor even tried to contacted him after that anyway Hmm

Original poster
Catnao · 31/12/2010 20:08

I did have a situation in mind, but I wouldn't want to give details in case it identified them, but I do think they're right and I know that one of the parents' biggest worries in life is that he should somehow find out.

OP posts:
FudgeGirl · 31/12/2010 20:10

I can see both sides of it really.

But I really wouldn't want to be a parent living in fear of a child finding out the truth - that must be so stressful that I doubt it would be worth it, better out in the open really in that sense.

Original poster
Catnao · 31/12/2010 20:12

I think in most cases yes - but not the one I'm thinking of. Very stressful. I suppose no real reason he WOULD find out as incredibly few people know the truth and both his parents are on the BC.

OP posts:
Manorjane · 31/12/2010 22:29

What is the bc ?

skyswept · 31/12/2010 23:00

birth certificate

charliesmommy · 31/12/2010 23:03

The truth always comes out if other people know about it.

A1980 · 31/12/2010 23:47

I speak from my own experinces here: truth WILL out. There is no avoiding it.

I suspected in my teens what the real truth was. It was confirmed when my mother had no choice but to surrender my birth certificate to me when I needed it in the adult world for passports, student loan applications, etc.

It has made me mistrust pretty much everything I've been told by my mother as if she could lie about something so fundamental for so many years, then how much else that she told me has been true?

It doesn't help to conceal it and it will come out. Honesty is the best policy.

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