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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this?

37 replies

princessglitter · 30/12/2010 22:31

My dh's brother popped by unexpectedly while I was upstairs feeding the baby. My older dds, 3 and 4, were playing with their craft set and there were some toys on the floor where they had been playing.

We went to MILs house today and from what she said : (e.g.'oh [BIL] couldn't live like you, with toys out everywhere. But I said to him you have 3 children...') it was obvious he had been commenting on the fact that the children had toys out.

Apparently his ds has to play with one toy at a time and only in his bedroom. Not got a problem with that - it is up to him, but he only has one ds, who is 10. We have 3 under 5s and both work fulltime. The house is always clean but the children do get toys out sometimes.

AIBU reasonable to think that if you drop in on someone unexpectedly you should take them as you find them and not make comments about the state of your house to others?

OP posts:
isore · 30/12/2010 22:33

I'd be more annoyed with your mil tbh, she sounds quite passive aggressive. Bit of a shit stirrer too.

classydiva · 30/12/2010 22:34

Yes he should take you as he finds you. He shouldn't be commenting about your house to anybody. What a cheek.

upahill · 30/12/2010 22:35

They are both as bad as each other tbh.

Original poster
princessglitter · 30/12/2010 22:35

I know what you mean about MIL - but she is completely tactless and honestly doesn't mean anything by it.

OP posts:
drdoolittle1000 · 30/12/2010 22:35

wouldnt worry about it!!! kids play with toys - full stop!!!

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 30/12/2010 22:35

Children...? Playing with toys????!!

THE HORROR!! What will they stoop too next!

mutznutz · 30/12/2010 22:36

Yes you're being unreasonable. Your house should be tidy and toy free at all times!!

Nah not really...but it's so obvious you're not being unreasonable really isn't it? Grin

I agree about your MIL being a shit stirrer, I can see where her son gets it from.

exexpat · 30/12/2010 22:36

I feel sorry for your BiL's DS. And his wife.

Original poster
princessglitter · 30/12/2010 22:39

Thanks all - feel a bit better - I was really annoyed! I do sometimes wonder if MIL is doing it deliberately, but she is getting on a bit and I make excuses for her...Not to say it doesn't wind me up.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 30/12/2010 22:41

If my brother said that to my Mum he's get a clip round the ear...despite the fact he's 43 Lol. She certainly wouldn't be repeating it to me.

thisismyboomstick · 30/12/2010 22:44

I'm always gossiping to my mum about what my brothers are up to. It's what families do isn't it?

fluffygal · 30/12/2010 22:50

yanbu. I have 5 under 5s and my house is covered in toys throughout the day despite getting all the toys tidied away a couple of times a day. If I was expecting someone I would pick them up 5 min before they turned up and kids get dumped in front of the tv to avoid them making another mess before guests arrive.

If someone comes over unexpected then what do they expect? One 10 year old is a massive difference to one under 5 let alone 3.

I have friends with messier houses then me and only one child, I don't care what their house looks like, I go round to see them not judge their tidiness and would never pass comment to them or anyone else!

cupofcoffee · 30/12/2010 22:55

If you come round my house when I am expecting you there will be toys out. Unless it is one of the rare occasions when I am in and all my dc are out.

pantaloons · 30/12/2010 22:56

I have 3 under 8, we have the smallest house in Britain and they all like to play with different things at the same time. My house is carnage, but it's clean(ish) and the kettles always on.

Don't get me wrong I do like it tidy and looking nice, but most of the time it's take us or leave us.

monkeyflippers · 30/12/2010 22:59

That would piss me off! My house is always covered in toys. It's because I have 2 young children who love playing and combining their play (one set of toys mixed with a bit of this and a bit of that, then often wrapped in paper and presented like presents, then paper drawn on so crayons everywhere etc).

Feel sorry for the kids who can only play with one toy at a time and in his bedroom. What a crappy time he must have, Your BIL is a dick.

Original poster
princessglitter · 30/12/2010 23:10

That's what I think too, Monkey Flippers. My dh doesn't really like his brother anyway - mainly because he doesn't see his two sons from hos first marriage and dh is devoted to our children and doesn't understand how he could do this.

His son is v v v quiet and timid :(

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 30/12/2010 23:19

It is educationally beneficial to have more than one toy out at a time, about making choices and extending their play and imagination. Drop something like that into the conversation around bil sometime.

BuckingxmasFells · 30/12/2010 23:22

perhaps BIL would be less judgemental if he ever had his own three children in his house at once...

monkeyflippers · 31/12/2010 07:58

Hmmmm wouldn't worry about the opinion of someone who can't even be bothered with 2 of their kids. Fuck him.

Do think like blackeyedsusan suggests you could drop into the conversation about imaginative play with more then one toys at a time etc.

Also feel really sorry about his 2 sons, not sure I'd be able to keep quiet about that. How does your MIL feel about it?

melpomene · 31/12/2010 15:40

YANBU and that was a ridiculous thing for the BIL to say.

Regarding people who only let their dcs play with 'one toy at a time', I wonder how they define 'one toy'? For example, would they allow the dc to play with one teddy bear, then demand that they put the teddy away before getting out, say, a cuddly dog? Bang goes a lot of social or imaginative play.

Some of the happiest moments in my dds' lives have involved play such as building a school for playmobil people out of wooden blocks, lining up every cuddly toy in the house in a very long line which stretches out from the sitting room to the kitchen, or packing up lots of little bits and pieces into handbags while carrying dolls strapped to their backs.

lazarusinNazareth · 31/12/2010 16:08

I know whose house I would feel more comfortable in...nobody has the right to comment on your house anyway. I bet your children are happier too Smile Your MIL is stirring too!

Original poster
princessglitter · 31/12/2010 20:55

MIL keeps in touch with his tow sons, sending them cards and money on birthdays etc. BIL has had nothing to do with them since they were 5 and 8 and they are young adults now.

My house is lots of fun and as long as it is clean I couldn't care less about the mess.

I am actually pretty obsessed with toy organisation - different categories of toys are stored in different places, but I don't mind if they get mixed up as long as they get cleared away at the end of the playtime.

OP posts:
Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 01/01/2011 11:15

Perhaps our mil was hoping you might highlight bil's rules as being ridiculous?

So you might have retorted - that's no way to bring up a child, was sheclooking for confirmation that he was in the wrong. She may not agree that her Dgs is being raised properly especially if she stays in touch with the other 2 kiddies.

Maybe not, new year and just trying tovsee the best in people !!!

monkeyflippers · 01/01/2011 12:03

Do you see his 2 sons?

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 01/01/2011 12:08

this is why I dont let anyone drop in! LOL Grin

I would be seriously upset and tbh tell him so, cheeky sod

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