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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my dm to stay at home?

19 replies

girrafey · 29/12/2010 15:34

We are very close to my dp's (as we are to my dh's ) They have taken dd1 (whom is their fav gc out of 7!) to a pantomine in a local town for the past 3 years.
It is a 45 min drive away and they normally go and have tea out first, then go to the theatre. This morning my dad rang to say mum had been up all night vomiting, so not to mention the meal to dd1 as it wouldnt be happening.

i have rung a couple of times through the day and mum has been flaked out on the sofa, feeling rotten etc. However hasnt been sick since mid morning.

My sis in law was also sick last night and feeling hit by a bus today.

So therefore my dp and i have asked my mum not to take dd1, i would take her and ds, or i would go with my dad and dd1. This has caused a huge arguement as they spent alot of money on the tickets (professional panto) and they do look forward to seeing her face etc.

However we feel that it is more than likely a bug, and we think it better for us (and everyone else in the audience) if the germs were not spread.

2 more reasons for us personally, my father in law has terminal cancer and going through chemo, he has to be very careful around bugs and germs etc, so if we do get the bug we will not beable to see them for a few days.
Extra hard due to it being a family buisness.

Also i am undergoing a mental assesmnet as the docs/ dd1's school think i am suffering from anxiety and worry more than average over my dc's health. So last few months have been panicking and questioning whether i should take dc to docs etc. So really do not want my dc (2 of whom get very sick due to other health reasons) exposed to what could be a nasty tummy bug, even if mum sure it is something she ate!

AIBU?

OP posts:

saffy85 · 29/12/2010 15:42

YANBU your mum clearly isn't well. It's disappointing that she'll miss it (I wouldn't allow my DC to go on an outing with someone who'd been vomiting all day/night long) but shit happens. Your mum is being a bit childish having a hissyfit over this.

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 15:42

YANBU. I appreciate entirely that it's a lot of money spent on tickets, but your reasons for not wanting your DM to take your DD are perfectly sound and reasonable.

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 15:43

I might've missed this, but I wrote the above presuming the panto was tonight, am I correct?

zandy · 29/12/2010 15:44

Perhaps your mum could exchange her tickets for some in a few days time?

petratsdontsmell · 29/12/2010 15:48

Poor you. You were very reasonable to ask dm to stay at home and you go instead to panto. One would have thougt she would have been grateful in the circumstances.

But since she seems not to be grateful and your suggestion 'has caused a huge arguement' then I would just back off.
Let them take you daughter and feel ill the whole time if that's what they are daft enough to want.
If your dd has seen them recently then she has already been exposed to the germs.
This is an example of how there really is no helping some people.

Original poster

girrafey · 29/12/2010 15:54

thanks for your replies.

yes the panto is tonight.
well it now stands that my dad is taking her alone! mum barely talking to me, and sobbing down phone saying things like "im being stupid" and "thanks for this"

would have loved to have gone aswell, so would love to take the extra ticket, but cant see them allowing that, rather it goes to waste than me enjoy it!

OP posts:

fayc84 · 29/12/2010 16:05

I think it's off that she was only going to take one of your children and leave the others behind TBH. But that's a different issue.

I don't think you're unreasonable in not wanting your daughter to go out with someone who is obviously ill and from whom she could pick up a bug - particularly when there are other serious health issues in the family and the passing of such a bug could lead to complications for someone else.

MadamDeathstare · 29/12/2010 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovecat · 29/12/2010 16:20

So they didn't offer the spare to your other child(ren)?

That would bother me far more than your mum's hurt feelings...

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 16:25

Can you be certain that your mum won't attend against your wishes, and that's why they haven't offered you the ticket? I'd double check that if I were you.

I have to say, while I understand your mum would be sad at missing out, her reaction to this is quite possibly the most immature thing I've read on here all day.

I'm sorry she's doing this to you.

Curiousmama · 29/12/2010 16:28

How odd? I'd be boiling with rage at this and your other child(ren) are left out? I hate favourites

usualsuspect · 29/12/2010 16:31

Why can't one of your other children have the ticket ..doesn't it bother you that she has a favourite?

Needanewname · 29/12/2010 16:39

I personally wouldn't allow your DD to go as her siblings aren't also going - unless of course they are all under the age of 2 and would be a nightmare!

Original poster

girrafey · 29/12/2010 17:17

ok ds is just 3, and i did say this year that i thought he would be ok to go. she however disagrees. (he sat through a 3 hour dance show perfectly fine in feb!)

dd2 is just 2, so well out of the question, (is not a sit still do as told sort of child) dd1 and ds are however.

I cant gurantee she will not go behind my back, but i dont think she would, however i am expecting her to turn up when dad is picking dd1 up.

With regards to favs it is hard, i am her fav dc (youngest of 3, other 2 have different dad and didnt live with us) it is no secret in our family, i do see her alot and we are close, however she is quite controlling and does tend to take over. with regards to dd1 it is hard as she is the eldest of my 3, so things she does she always says well the others are too little, but now ds is starting to be of an age to go to things or do the activity she pays for for dd1 (swimming) she adores all my dc, but does have a soft spot for dd1. i do feel in the new year i have to address this abit firmer. oh joy,

thanks for the replies. nice to hear ianbu.

OP posts:

SantasENormaSnob · 29/12/2010 17:22

Your mum sounds like an arse hole.

DecorhatetheChristmasTree · 29/12/2010 18:03

You're not going to let her in if she turns up I hope. Otherwise makes a complete mockery of your not wanting her to spread her germs. I think an evening panto might be too late for a 3 yr old but next year I would suggest you all go to a matinee (providing you think your youngest would be ok then)

It is extremely childish to not offer the spare ticket to you. I also would be suspicious...

ilovesooty · 29/12/2010 19:04

YANBU. I wouldn't have let her go with a vomiting bug either. However, she might just be feeling really wiped out, ill and frustrated so has given you a hard time because of that. I don't see why you can't have the spare ticket though.

Curiousmama · 31/12/2010 12:08

So what happened then?

vampiresdontsparkle · 31/12/2010 12:40

just read this, and i want to know what happened to. hope your not all ill.

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