I'm not, but I want some inspirational spinal stiffening stuff. Please.

[StuffingGoldBrass]

I have had some issues with a bellend of a stalker over the past year or so. Stalky the stalker is also an acquaintance of some of my friends. Recently there was a suggestion among some of those friends that we put our performance group back together as we have been offered another gig. I now find out from one of the group that another of the group is talking about involving Stalky.
I said to the friend that I would not be involved if he was as I am basically not prepared to be in the same room as that malevolent fuckwit.
Please can I have some affirmative kick-arse thoughts so I don't find myself saying 'Well I'll be nice if he will...'

A year?? Well that's a year too long! Stalkers are the pits!

i just couldn't get involved if he was. i would shudder at every glimpse/sound/thought of him.

So back off if you think he's a weirdo

So what can this person give to the whole ensemble? Is Stalky so vital?

stand your ground, YANBU

I remember you talking about this twat before

unless he's had a personality transplant of course...or had his frontal lobotomy reversed, in which case YABU

OK I took a deep breath and replied to his latest communication (admittedly the first one in months) with 'Do not contact me or attempt to contact me again'.
ANd got 'Or what will you do about it? Drop dead, shithouse'.
That will do. One more word out of that fucker and I am going to the police myself.
Basically IMU you have to tell such people to go away, only after they have been told to cease communication but do not do so can you involve the police.

Good move.

Make sure the others know exactly what he has been up to!

report him ASAP to the police. I dont know if you should tell your group, someone might tell him what you said and make it worse for you. I don't think you should let him ruin your fun though. I would stand your ground and show him you will not be intimidated, even if your scared while doing it.

Just checking - I assume you are keeping a log and evidence of all these things? Dated etc?

just checked Google. I was right about reporting it ASAP but apparently you should tell friends and neighbours so they can write down any incidents and help support you. as other poster said, keep a log and save all correspondance. do not talk, write or interact with him in any way, that's what he wants.
from what I read, most stalkers stop once confronted by police, solicitors, etc. get help to make him stop, don't think you have to put up with it.
and do a Google search, lots of help and support out there.

I'm surprised at your friend/ fellow group member for thinking of involving this person. What is s/he thinking? Doesn't everyone know what happened? If not, do tell them.

I am not normally a fan of "making people choose", but in this case, what has your stalker done to earn/keep their loyalty? If the friends are loyal to Stalky, question your loyalty to them.

Sorry it may mean missing out on the group, but what can you do? And if you prefer to miss out on something brilliant, that shows how important it is to you to live without this Stalker - and is a challenge to anyone who thinks "It's not that bad."

If you agree to himbeing there I will get youbanned from mn, there I said it!

Oooh, good threat!

Now all of MN will be stalking SGB, to make sure she doesn't do it.

Make bloody SURE you don't weaken and DO go to the Police if he contacts you again. You're a sensible, tough, gutsy woman on here - isn't that the advice YOU'D be giving ME if I were in your shoes?

Besides that, WTF are your mutual friends thinking of, dealing with some twat who is stalking a female friend? I'm not advocating that we all take sides if two friends fall out, that's petty and immature, but this is very different. If I knew one of my mates was being stalked and harrassed there is NO WAY I'd want anything to do with the stalker.

plupervert, don't you think she has had enough stalking for now

SGB am sorry to hear of this, you are one of the beacons of sense and light on MN that i love reading, that message he sent you is definitely worth reporting to the police i would think. Don't let him away with it!!

Well quite, toomuchmonth!

SGB - have you reported this dickwad to the police before now? If not, do so immediately.

And of COURSE you are not going to be involved in anything that involves direct contact with this loon - that would be just asking for trouble!

Shame that it has to be you that misses out, but if your friends don't know about the stalking, better to tell them I think!

Oh my friends mostly know (given that he has involved several of them in the past). BTW the stalking is not some crazed romantic obsession: the man is a nut, alcoholic and ketamine addict who has decided that I am the most evil person in the world.
As to the 'friend' who is apparently considering involving him in the group: this friend is a bit of an idiot, basically, inclined to think that other people make too much of a fuss about things.

I was going to report him earlier this year but another friend, who was also getting a lot of abuse from him, said she would do it as she knows her local police quite well in a professional capacity, so I rather left it in her hands and unfortunately, due to issues of her own, she did nothing about it. He then tailed off on the harassment and around the time he did so, one of my other friends died, and he and his stupidity just seemed so not worth bothering about.
But as I say, if I hear anything more from him I will go to the police.

I remember the friend was going to do it, you should have reported it then. Remember the advice you give on the relationship boards, it won't get better on it's on.

MD: Ah, well, she is in fact an ex-GF of his so he knows her number (and has harassed her too).

Inspirational stuff to get you through it, you mean? I'll try.

Your comfort, peace of mind, sense of security and potential safety are not "minor matters" to be dismissed by other people because it might inconvenience them a little tad not to have Stalky. You, as their longstanding friend, and pre-existing band member, are entitled to consideration for your safety.
You should not feel obliged to go along and "put up with it" for the sake of everyone else's convenience. Because you're not. Your happiness has value.

And finally, I don't think you should not have anything to do with the musical ensemble while he's there, because it might have the potential to undermine any legal recourse against him. He, or a solicitor acting for him, could twist your presence there- "well, SGB isn't intimidated by him, as she willingly attends gatherings where she knows he's going to be! She's making it all up. Women do that, you know" style of thing. I don't have any personal experience, or knowledge, but I have been told before that it can be difficult to get police/courts to take stalking seriously. I may be scaremongering here, but...

you should have*! No "not"