To Not Want To Waste A Single Penny On This Woman?

[midori1999]

DH is meeting up with his Dad when he visits his DC in the New Year. He's got his Dad a small present and said he'd need to get something for his Stepmother too. There is history with this woman and I begrudge spending a lpenny of our money on her or continuing the pretence of liking her any longer.

There's a long history there, basically due to the fact she likes to be matriach and for everyone to agree with her and I have my own opinions. She is also very two faced and bitchy and has regularly slagged off DH's Mum to me in the past. (I adore DH's Mum) I have tried to build bridges several times in the past, mainly for DH's and his Dad's benefit I admit, but she continues to be awkward and nasty.

There are lots of silly petty things she does, but she also does things like give the DSC much smaller presents than her own Grandchildren, which the DSC started to notice. (eg. quad bike for her own Grandchildren, cheap handbag and jigsaw for my DSC) DH says she used to do similar with her own children and him and his brother when they were young.

The last straw for me was when she refused to come to our twin girls' funeral, passing on a message via DH's Dad that she would be 'too upset, you know how she feels about children'. Too upset FFS?! How did she think we'd feel? She didn't even bother to speak to either of us and it seemed DH's Dad was making excuses for her.

AIBU to just not bother to make any effort any more? It's wearing me down to have it constantly thrown back in my face I suppose.

I think it would be good manners to get something for her from your children if she purchased for them for christmas, even if a box of chocolates.

Let it go.
Let your dh pick something up for her and step away from the confrontation.

You are angry which is understandable but, in the scheme of things her behaviour is just an irritation.
Don't elevate her by making this a drama.
Send her a small gift and leave her be.

I am sorry about your girls.

Your anger is directed at your step mominlaw. When it is really your father in law who is at fault.

It looks like he is at fault. Displacing your anger onto her may be easy, but it's not her fault.

I read your whole post but the bit about her being too upset to come to your girls's funeral is enough for me TBH. People who say stuff like that make me want to punch their stupid self obsessed faces (too much?)

She is a sefish bitch and not worthy of your time or money.

I am very sorry about your girls.

This woman is not your problem and not your responsibility.

Since losing my DD I do not trouble myself with toxic people, those who bring me nothing but stress. We both know that life is too short and too precious dont we?
x

Odd,i've heard this story before.

I'm not getting why it is FIL's fault rather than SMIL? She sounds a right prize, the dogging necklace would be perfect for her.

I've got a shit ton of "gifts" that my MIL saves for us from the reject bin at the charity shop she works at if you want one?

Got some vile smelling toiletries?

I haven't looked at the Dogging Necklace thread, I was too scared. Off to look now though, thanks for making me smile.

Fabbychic, she has never bought anything for my DC, not once, even when we went to their on Boxing Day with my DSC and all did our presents then. It is my DSC she has bought presents for.

I know I am probably being petty, but I am worn down by it all. MrsDeVere, you are right of course, I am sorry you lost your daughter.

And yes, I do think FIL is at fault here too, but that doesn't mean it isn't her fault. She is responsible for her own behaviour. Yes, he excuses and allows her to continue it, but that is due to weakness on his part rather than any nastiness.

You are not being petty. The woman sounds like a nightmare. You wont change her by being nice and understanding and putting yourself out. All it will do is make you feel crap and resentful.
People like her act the way they do because they get away with it.

Step away from it. You have enough to be dealing with. You need to look after yourself and stop worrying about someone who is happy being a cow.

I can't see how FIL is responsible for another adults behaviour, DTD

Midori, the fact that she treats you, and those you care about like shit is enough for you to not have to bother. Fuck em if they can't accept that. If FIL isn't a total arse he'll understand why you can't be bothered with MIL anymore.

Honeslty after her behaviour towards you during your twins funeral I'm suprised you speak to her at all!

I read the bit about her not attending the funeral open-mouthed

I am so sorry you had to deal with that

What a stupid, selfish, ignorant bitch she is

Of course YANBU, you have been through so much and do not need to give her anything after her appalling behaviour. Get thus toxic woman away from you and your children! And shame, shame on your FIL for tolerating this awful behaviour from her.

I am very sorry for your loss and sorry you have had to deal with such an awful woman.

steer clear of her, otherwise I think you will explode.

So sorry to hear about your little girls. I don't think you need her atm on top of that. If you don't like her, why bother pretending? She doesn't pretend to give a monkeys , does she?

MrsDevere

Can I say I am sorry for the loss of your DD - Both you and OP have gone through so much and you're right about not needing toxic people in your life

Have a peaceful new year x

Thank you MsKLo

I came ti check if anything else has happened?