to think this could be PND?

[leilarose]

Bit of backround, mum to 2 beautiful dds, 2.11 and 4 months. When my 2nd dd was 2 moths I fell pregnant unexpectedly but sadly lost pregnancy the day after I found out. To be honest I was panicking at the thought of another child but since I lost the baby I feel like a completely different person.
I have no motivation at all, dont look forward to anything anymore-these days its an accomplishment If I even get dressed. I know I love my partner and friends but at the same time feel distant from them.
The biggest thing though is I feel anxious all the time, I cant stop thinking about dying, about the kids dying and it just feels like whats the point of life if everyone is gonna die. Im not suicidal or anything-I know I must sound strange but I just cant stop these thoughts.
My partner keeps asking me if Im depressed, he says Im not the same person anymore and is generally being loving and supportive. I have never suffered with depression so dont know, but part of me thinks it may be PND, any thoughts/experiences? Thanks in advance.

Hi I have no experience first hand of PND but my sil suffered and it sounds similar. Didn't want you to go unanswered.Anxiousness and fear of death sound like flags for PND. Go and get help please.

I can only speak from personal experience here, both times I have been seriously depressed once it was depression and the 2nd time it was PND. i had weird fantasies/images come unbidden into my head of horrible things happening. If for example I was about to cross a road in my head I woud see myself getting run over-in vivid detail, but for a miniscule second in time.

These moments played on me and I often felt anxious.

The thoughts didn't stop until I got some help-first time medication & talk therapy 2nd time jjst talk therapy did it.

Good luck

You do sound like you are suffering from depression.

That total lack of interest in everything, not bothering to dress.

Talk to your GP about how you are feeling and he might give you a course of medication to help.

Thanks for your replies, cheezyquaver what you just described about the images sounds really familiar...I get images in my head of my first dd in a coffin( I know I sound crazy). I actually feel a bit better knowing there could be a cause for this...Can I just ask how medication makes you feel?

If the medication is right for you, then you will feel like yourself again, IYSWIM. I tried a couple of types of medication before I found the one that worked. Also look at the Live Life to the Full website (can't do links) - the whole anxiety thing is totally symptomatic of depression, and I found that it helped massively to see it in writing that those vivid mental pictures aren't just you being crazy, it is part of the illness. Hope that makes sense.

Ive got the other sort, ante natal depression, its fucking awful, not feeling like you, not feeling like anyone.

I was prescribed medication around 3 months ago, but as Im pregnant, Ive decided not to take anything, I was also offered therapy, again, not for me, however, if as my doctor suspects I may get worse after the birth, I will start taking the pills, without hesitation.

They take a week or two to get into your system and work, you may even need to try more than one type, but, if you are also offered therapy, which I know can take a while to get, then in the short term, medication will help take the edge off things.

Go to your doctor tomorrow, I had a meltdown in front of the receptionist and begged to see a GP right away, then I say and cried for half an hour ant the doctor!

Its not been easy, some days I cant see a way out, other days Im ok, then on another day Im better than ok, thats not really a good way to live, and as Ive said, after the baby is here, if I still need those pills, I will take them.

So, do see your doctor, theve seen and heard it all before.

Good luck, I know taking that first step and saying how you feel out loud is a difficult first step, but you can do it, and you`ll be back to feeling like you again soon

Go see your dr. It is a good sign that you know something is not right.

My DM had a breakdown and depression and was put on pills. She would not have got through the initial depression without the pills but after a while she found the pills made her feel a bit desensitized to everything. I think this is normal and happens about the time you should be coming off them anyway. However, without therapy she would never, ever, ever be able to even approach the place she is in now. I do think that therapy is vital in MH cases but each to their own.

On top of that my advice is try to eat healthily, get some sun on your skin (better advice come Spring and Summer I know but it does make a difference), smile at yourself in the mirror every single morning and plan to achieve one thing every day (getting dressed, walking the dog, playing with DC, doing a load of laundry, having a shower etc). It doesn't matter what it is but again it does help.

Best of luck. It's great that your DP supports you. It is much harder without support.

I can't comment on PND (am pregnant with first DC) but having had two miscarriages before this pregnancy I must say those feelings ring lots of bells. I suffered mild depression after the MCs, suddenly wouldn't get on a plane or go out late at night, was convinced DH was going to be murdered walking home from work. Even used to get in a state if the bloody cat was out too long! I think losing the pregnancies had me convinced bad things were always going to happen to me. Probably a natural reaction though totally bonkers. Even the loss of an unplanned pregnancy can be a massive shock, to say nothing of the hormone flood it will have caused so soon after having your second child. Just a thought anyway. I think the other posters are right. Go see your GP soon. Recognising that these feelings ARE just feelings is a good first step though. Best of luck!

Sounds like depression, go to GP. Take your partner with you if you think it appropriate.

Its good that you recognise the problem (my friend who is a GP didn't recognise that she had PND after first child was born) and great that partner is supportive.

Leilarose - I am so sorry for the loss of the baby. It sounds like you could really do with some professional help though.

The fleeting images are called 'intrusive thoughts'. They are quite normal - most 'normal' people have them and are barely even aware of them but people with depression/OCD can find them very distressing and they can become a focus point for bad feelings or ruminations (i.e. if I think something may happen to my baby I am wishing for it to happen, or, that it must be significant in someway to see these images).

It is not for wish fulfillment that your brain is throwing up these images, nor do you want them.

I had ITs very badly when I had PND-OCD - a variant of OCD that comes after a baby is born and involves obsessions around the baby (mine were to keep baby safe so had major obs. about car seats and pushchair/highchair straps) not just common-or-garden OCD thoughts.

It was like living in a horror film some days due to the sheer number of ITs I was experiencing and I was restricted in where I went because some places triggered masses of ITs and I avoided places that set them off.

A trick I used to help re-direct them was (and now I will sound nuts) to pretend that the ITs were just a horrible TV programme so used my (imagined) remote to change the channel to a TV programme about my favourite place in the whole world. I found taking control of the images really helped, I still have them but they don't have the power to upset me they once did.

I also went on a CBT based therapy course organised by the local Mental Health Team which was really useful. Talking therapy does help too, as does medication (though with the caveat that what worked for me may not be appropriate for you or others).

Please see your GP and say how you feel. If needs be write down what you want to say and take it with you to hand to the Dr, if you feel you can't speak out loud what is happening. Don't be fobbed off though and do insist on some action - take your DH/a friend/your mum as back up. Some (not all) GPs give weight to the DH saying that the mum is altered and struggling rather than mum saying that herself .

Good luck and I hope you get help so you can recover quickly. All the best.

Sorry for the loss of your baby.

I've had various MC experiences and after my first MC had an awful lot of fear about death and people I cared about dying, as it was the first time (other than GPs) I had really had a close and personal experience of loss and greiving. I was really scared someone else I cared about would die and how I would feel if someone I had actually got to know in RL died, as I found losing the baby so heartbreaking.

I also found it really hard to get motivated and look after DC1 or feel enthusiastic about anything.

I've also had PND (my cup runeth over!) - talking therapy, some AD therapy and CBT helped me get better - I think the PND was a carry over from skewed hormones and MCs. DH found it all extremely annoying and distressing as he found it hard that I wasn't myself for a long time.

DO go and speak to your doctor about this - they have heard it before, so don't feel concerned. When I finally plucked up the courage to go in about my PND I cried and cried all over my Doc and he was brilliant. Wish I'd gone sooner and got better sooner, you don't have to feel this way and can reconnect with everything.

Have you had any peer or professional support for everything that has happened?

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Thanks for all your replies, I actually thought it may be down to the hormone surge after dd2 and the miscarriage. I find it hard to talk to people about the depression as no one knows about the miscarriage. When I was preg with dd2 people kept saying to me "oh you will struggle with a 2 year old and a newborn", so saying I'm depressed sort of feels like I'm proving them right, even though its not the kids I'm struggling with its my own head.
I have some days where i may feel ok..e.g when I'm around people but then as soon as I'm at home the thoughts start.

Aren't people lovely - saying things like 'oh, you'll struggle!'

I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job of looking after your other dcs, despite everything you're going through!

Are you going to try an see the doc / talk to a HV?

Hiya again leilarose-in answer to your question I was put on Fluoxtine (prozac) and I felt a little bit dizzy from time to time in the first 2 weeks but after that I felt like my old self again. I was calmer, more even mood and the anxiety dropped off very quickly. I was on them for 9 months and was able to come off over a 2 weeks period with abslutelt no ill effects.

Go to your doctor, discuss your options, medication is only one way (a great way, I wouldn't hesitate if I needed them again) and the talk therapy I had was only a couple of sessions and it helped enourmously. Trouble is there is usually quite a wait on the NHS for a therapist-I was very lucky and got in quickly though. My doctor was amazing. I can also recommend a website called moodgym which is free online CBT course which is a good start.

Use the support on here, theres lots and lots of people here who are going through or have been through it. PM me if you need anything x

Yes I tried to see a doctor today but cant get an appointment till late next week, feel a bit better for making the appointment, like Im in control. I didnt know you could talk to a health visitor about it? I know they do the questionnaire when baby is 6 weeks or something but I felt absolutely fine then, as I said I think the miscarriage triggered it. Is it worth ringing them do you think or just see my doctor?

You could try ringing your HV team tomorrow and asking if there is a HV in the team that specialises/has a lot of experience in dealing with PND mums. I think most HV teams have one HV which is more au fait in PND than the others (hopefully!).

If the HV is supportive and thinks you might have PND I think they will be able to refer direct to CMHT or at least will be able to write to GP to add credence to your case.

Well done for making your appointment!