to be concerned

[toody]

my ds was 2 three weeks ago exes sister had a party for him day after birthday ex refused to come to my party on ds birthday.Since the party whenever i take ds to see ex at his mums which is where he wants access to take place ds cries as soon as i get him out of the car and when we are in house he will try to pull me out saying car please.that evening and next day ds will not let me out of his sight will not let anyone else pick him up not even my parents who we live with. Obviously i cant ask ds what is wrong aibu to be concerned

How long ago did you and your ex split up and how reguarly does your ex normally see your ds?

we have split up for 10 months allthough for 3/4 months before that he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me or ds telling us we were not to be in same room as him he needed his space so i consider we split at least 14 mths never wanted anything to do with ds when lived with he now sees ds on saturdays at his mums which i have asked for as i know she will look after ds

could just be separation anxiety. other than these saturday trips is there anywhere else you have to leave him such as nursery or is he with you all the time?

bless you. must be miserable having to leave an upset child with a man who behaved like that when you all lived together.

It's quite normal for toddlers to go through phases of being clingy.
Can you ask your ex's mum how DS is when he's there?

Sorry, I meant to say, do you suspect DS is being mistreated in some way.j

Ex always texts to say ds is ok i know he wouldn't tell me if he wasn't, i have worked in childcare for years so am aware of seperation anxiety but i have never come across child being so clingy for 2 days after a seperation. My ex's mum would always take ex side he can do no wrong in her eyes but i also know that ds will be looked after by her when he is there, she is the one who will try to coax ds when we are there attempting to play with him trying to help calm him whilst ex justs sits in chair arms folded scowling at everyone no attempt to talk to ds

I don't think ex would physically mistreat ds but he has quick temper can't stand mess would not let ds have toys all over floor when lived with us so i do think he would shout at him ex has younger brother 10yrs and i often witnessed him threatening violence towards him if he upset him not just smack but more violent but i have never witnessed any physical violence.

honestly i wouldn't send him there but i'm not saying that would be the right thing to do and it would have a lot of ramifications. but personally i couldn't.

I agree with you, it sounds like more than the usual separation anxiety, and I dont like the sound of your ex..
What can you do? Is it possible for you to stay for the access visits? Invent excuses to cut them short? Stop them altogether?

can you expain to your ex whats happening and ask him to see your son at your house untill he seems less streessed. you can keep out of the way but also see how they interact.

I used to stay for access visits but agreed to let ds stay without me as exes mum was there and to be honest i thought ex had the right to see ds on own mainly because he said that was how it should be it's only since seeing a solicitor to establish if i could limit access that i realise i can say how often ex sees son. I don't feel i can stop access alltogether it would cause so much trouble with ex and i don't think i can handle his threats even though i know they are mostly empty threats e.g i can't take ds on holiday, ex will have him for weekends and i can't stop him etc. I don't think ex would agree to see ds at my house this was the arrangement when he first left but ex said he felt uncomfortable we share a house with my parents as ex did too we had our own part of house. My parents were very careful to stay out of the way when ex came but still says they made him uncomfortable.