thinking this is the wrong way round?

[splasheeny]

DD is 4 months old. Ex is paying more to his mum to help her out then to his daughter. I can't help feeling that this is completely wrong.

He claims that he can't afford to support his daughter any more than what he is paying (and it's not much) but is giving his mum nearly double that a week.

I just feel so angry at him, and sad for my daughter as clearly she isn't very important to him. Am I right to think he should be paying the same, if not more, to his daughter than his mum? (His mum works full-time on a decent, though not high, income)

What should I do? I just want him to pay a reasonable amount towards maintenance, and understand where his priorities should lie.

Is he paying via the CSA?

Or is it a mutual agreement?

The CSA have a maintence calculator you could use to see who much he should be paying a week.

Have you tried the CSA?

No its not CSA, more him saying this is what he should be paying than a mutual agreement.

I don't want to go via CSA if possible as know it can take months and need the money now, otherwise I'm at risk of losing our housing. I know that if he knew i was going via the csa he would stop paying altogether.

Is there any way of convincing him to do what's right?

I'm screwed aren't I?

You could still use the calculator if you know his income and they will give you a figure which he should be paying based on the info you type in.

I agree though, it could take months. Which is not good when you need the money.

To be honest I think you are a bit! Especially if he is the unreasonable type!

Have looked at the calculator and from what I can tell he should be paying more. I just want him to pay a reasonable amount which he can afford!

Has anyone else been here? Or anyone know any strategies?

Am thinking about looking at average cost to bring up a child and doing calculations based on that.. Surely there must be another way of working things out except via CSA?

Try CSA but don't hold your breath on any decent outcome.

Does he live with his mother and is that what he is paying house keeping? Housekeeping to cover the cost of his food, his washing etc..

That cost is more than you would get for your daughter and less than he would pay to live in a place of his own.

It is not about how much he gives but the fact that he does, what he gives his mother is really none of your business.

Some men do not pay at all at least you are getting something.

Just to be clear he is paying less than csa rates, so don't think I should be over the moon about it. I do know some men pay nothing but that really has no bearing on my situation.

Our dd was unplanned but we are married (but separated obviously). We separated before she was born.

He is paying money to his mum primarily to help her out. He does live with her but what he is paying is way over what he would be paying privately for similar accommodation. He also buys food for the family.

Its not just about the money, though of course that does matter as I am barely getting by atm. Its also that his dd seems to be of so little importance to him.

Wondering if there is a mediation service or a service that helps you make legally-binding agreements (or both)?

I just really don't have the time to wait for CSA to work. I would be homeless if I were to have to go for months with no payment whatsoever.

Is there really no other way of going except via the CSA route? Surely there are others in this situation?