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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit cross that EXH is having a baby with NW when he claims to be too poor to pay maintenance for DD?

27 replies

reinitindear · 27/12/2010 19:28

EXH is self employed and has his business in his wifes name so shows himself as earning a pittance to the csa.He hasn't paid any money towards DD aged 11 for 8 years despite holidaying abroad having nice new cars and so on.He sees DD three times a year,his choice I am happy for open access whenever they like.So am I AIBU to be a bit cross and thinking "I didn't think you could afford children?"

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/12/2010 19:29

does his new partner work? maybe its her that can provide for a child?

Original poster
reinitindear · 27/12/2010 19:31

She does part time at a local supermarket.

OP posts:
classydiva · 27/12/2010 19:32

Contact the child support agency they will determine if he is poor or not.

CardyMow · 27/12/2010 19:37

You can ask the CSA to do what is called a 'variation' and ask for it to be done on the basis of 'lifestyle inconsistencies'. In other words, they will look at the fact that your Ex has holidays posh cars etc, and they will see it as 'deprivation of income' that he can afford all this whilst supposedly being on bugger-all income. Honestly, it can be done. (Been there, done that, got the T-shirt)

swanandduck · 27/12/2010 19:38

YANBU. I wonder on earth his new wife wants to have a child with someone who treats his DD like that. She must be mad.

swanandduck · 27/12/2010 19:38

@HOW' on earth

TattyDevine · 27/12/2010 19:40

Even poor people are allowed to have children.

But this is not the issue. The issue is his fraud. Concentrate on that.

YANBU to be miffed in general with is attitude.

Original poster
reinitindear · 27/12/2010 19:40

Thanks Loudlass I feel wrong for being annoyed when it should be lovely news for DD but it makes me feel like she is obviously not important enough to him IYSWIM. I have contacted the CSA Classydiva and he shows a minimum wage as the business is in his wifes name but it is his and she is owner in name only so they go off his wage.

OP posts:
Original poster
reinitindear · 27/12/2010 19:43

Tatty I am poor and have my DD and was poor growing up that isn't the issue. I just know he is lying about not earning enough to look after DD and I felt cross for her.

OP posts:
sleepingsowell · 27/12/2010 20:11

Poor people are of course allowed children however no one should have a second child if they cannot support the one they have already bought into the world. However it seems pretty clear this isn't the case with your ex and I do think loudlass's advice re the CSA 'variation' sounds a good idea. Your DD deserves a father fully supporting her and if he won't do it honourably and willingly then he should be made to. Good luck.

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 20:14

Doesn't sound like he can't support his first child but that he choses not to.

Original poster
reinitindear · 27/12/2010 20:21

Fab that is kind of my point what I should have said was AIBU to want to say to him "I didnt think you could afford children"

OP posts:
splashy · 27/12/2010 22:35

How can exs be such twats?

Good advice been given here, hope you are able to force him to pay for his dd's upkeep.

It makes me Angry when men refuse to pay for their children's upkeep. Also got the t-shirt!

My ex is giving more support to his mum than his dd because he says 'his mum is on a low income'. Difference is she can support himself, my dd can't. Angry

splashy · 27/12/2010 22:36

*support herself

TheMeow · 27/12/2010 22:36

YADNBU!!! He sounds like my dad!

My dad has three children with my mum
(me included obviously) the youngest is now 17 and he hasn't paid a penny in maintainence for the 11 years since he left. Funny though that as his youngest approaches 18 he can suddenly offer up £5 a week towards him.

In the meantime he has had 2 more children with his new wife. They have 2 holidays a year and expensive presents and all sorts of shit we never had because he wouldn't pay.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/12/2010 22:38

But can the CSA make the new wife pay towards a child that is not hers. If business is in her name, then income is presumably taxed as hers......

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 27/12/2010 22:46

I though that the CSA included new spouses' income?

He is a twat, but given that he's your ex I'm guessing you already know that.

This shit happens all the fecking time, unfortunately Angry.

bumpsoon · 27/12/2010 22:52

Its not like your daughter would even be entitled to alot ,about £250 a month ,if that . I think there was so much bad press re the csa and mistakes that many men automatically go into 'im not having them rob me ' mode ,oh and clearly your ex is a twat ,sorry .

Lizzywishes · 27/12/2010 23:06

Not unreasonable to expect proper support for your kids, but no reason why he shouldn't have more with new partner.

theevildead2 · 27/12/2010 23:11

A friend of mine had exaclty what you have (although he put the business in his mother's name Hmm )and what she did was she got in touch with our local MP (who is pretty fantastic in general for a politican tbf)and he got it sorted out with CSA and everything for her. Did all the investigating..

BTW everyone knows what you mean, if he is going to be a fucker and not pay for the kids he has he doesn't need more. He doesn't deserve more if he only sees DD 3x a year.
So YADNBU and good luck getting it sorted.

SmokinSanta · 27/12/2010 23:11

itsawonderfullife - under the "old rules" they could include a new spouses income, but not under these new rules sadly.

means a few men wanting to dodge their responsibilites do as the OP's ex.

I really dont get why men think they cant contribute to their children's upkeep. My ex hasnt paid me for 6 months - not quite sure what the fuck he thinks is keeping them in clothes and heat, but obviosuly he feels its nothing to do with him.

mamatomany · 27/12/2010 23:11

My friends ex husband owns a 6 bed detached house all in the new wife's name, runs a business which makes a loss because the interest on his numerous rental properties are tax deductible and pays her £5.50 for three children per week in maintenance.
The CSA in this country is a joke.
I had my eldest daughter in Australia, gave birth on the Thursday and the CSA had the first payment in my account by the Tuesday he was so shit scarred of them.

theevildead2 · 27/12/2010 23:12

Sorry to everyone who says he shouldn't have more... He has a child that he sees three times a year.. and doesn't care enough to support it. That isn't a reason for him to stop breeding?

izzywizzywoowooo · 27/12/2010 23:13

The CSA really needs a face lift.

Too many people get away with not contributing to their child/children's upbringing.

theevildead2 · 27/12/2010 23:13

who says that shouldn't stop him having more