To refuse to help fellow student and up my game?

[RawDEal]

My fellow students and I are currently competing for university places for next year.
I work hard on this course, I listen in class, take notes, have 100% attendance, make sure my assignments are in on time, every time and I put everything into them. As I say, I'm competing for that uni place.

Another student on the course, one I'm quite friendly with has a totally different attitude. She consistantly skips classes, asks me to take notes for her, leaves class early and asks me to take notes etc and she never has her assignments in on time. For instance we had one due on the 14th December. We'd had 4 weeks BEFORE then to get it done. On the 13th she told me she hadn't even started it. She asked for a weeks extension, she got it. A week later, she still hadn't done it. It's now going to be 5 weeks late! Another one of her assignments is going to same way.

Thing is she always expects everyone else to help her out. In the beginning I did but I'm now starting to think maybe I shouldn't. If she can't be arsed to take it seriously, why should I help her out? especially as she's "the competition" for the place I'm trying so bloody hard to secure.

So is it bitchy to just sit and watch her fail the course? I do feel guilty but I'm so sick of being the nice guy and always losing out for it, I'm starting to wonder if I'd get further in life by being a bit more selfish!

Yes mamatomany, you would hope that camaraderie would still be around but this doesn't sound like give and take at all, TBH the posts have me imagining a spoiled princess expecting others to do al the work for her.

Im a first year mature student with a DD. I work really hard at uni as I know what i want to do and need to be the best i can. I don't really help any one but if someone was in a bad situation then i would, but bad situation does not mean left it to the last minute or couldn't be bothered. I know people do take advantage as to how prepared i am for classes as i have found out that some people don't bother doing any work because i do enough and can speak for the whole hours seminar that they can sit back. i was angry when i found that out but at the end of the day, but im not doing their exam and if they have fails because they couldn't be bothered to do the work and i don't guess who will get the job?

the tutors must know what goes on more than students give them credit for. i think that if i was a tutor and i had someone like me in a class it would make me more annoyed when people didn't bother to do the work, when there is someone who has a child and home responsibilities who has managed to do it, yet an 18 year old with no responsibilities hasn't bothered their arse.

The only person I can think of at Uni who was like this failed.

You are being used. Stop helping her out, and see how long your friendship lasts.

The world is littered with freeloading mooches. Fuck em.

You might find that she doesn't get full marks for a late assignment even with an extension. Extensions on my course were easy to get (you just needed to ask) but you'd only score a maximum of 40% (a pass). Unless, of course there was an exceptional reason. So maybe this is the case for her.

TBH I wouldn't worry about her, simply focus on what you're doing and if you think you're being used then back away and stop helping her out.

Blank moment there pet - how good of you to point it out! Didn't add much to your arguement though. Just to say I did well at uni too so maybe other things in life are more important.

You're not doing Access by any chance are you?

I agree that it's frustrating when you're working so hard, but I don't think giving her a few notes will help her get her place at uni. Don't waste your energy thinking about it.

It can help your learning to help other people. You understand much better when you explain to someone else, this is why study groups work really well. So whoever treats their course as a dog eat dog competition is losing out.

However OP this girl seems to not have any idea of what she should be doing. Give her notes if it doesn't inconveinece you, but you don't have to help her out. She has to learn for herself and she does seem like someone who may be so scared of failing they give themselves huge excuses, or she is just bone idle and heading for failure. You could suggest she sees any study support people your college has, as she does need to come to some self-realisation and fast if she wants to pass.

However, on the whole I'd put her out of your mind. Collaborate with the others one your course as normal, and do your best.

Good luck!

The only thing in your post that is any of your business is you lending her notes. It is not your business if she cuts class and it isn't your business that she hands in assignments late. If she wants to waste her time then that's up to her and not you. If she still passes and gets on to a uni course then, well, life's not fair and sometimes you get good things without deserving them.

You don't owe her your notes, you don't have to give her your notes. I would try to be mature about it though and sit her down and tell her it pisses you off and makes you feel like you're being used.

It would not be bitchy to refuse to give her your notes but be prepared to lose the friendship over this as I'm sure she will think it is deeply unreasonable.

You must not lend another student your notes unless you are very sure the teacher is ok with it. You could get dragged into a plagiarism row if the other student writes something too similar to your work, based on your notes.

Lots of students don't realize that collusion is a form of academic misconduct, and you could be penalized as well as her, if she uses your ideas in her work.

I second what LittleRedDragon said. Someone else said earlier that they showed others their essay so they'd get the gist of what was expected: this would even more put you at risk of accidental (or not) plagiarism. Where I teach, a pair of students did this and as we couldn't unpick who'd copied from whom, both got penalised (were failed at 'first attempt' and had to resubmit). Take care!

Oh and p.s to OP: I don't think you're being unreasonable to not wish to help your fellow student any more. Whether or not it's a matter of being in competition: there's no apparent reciprocity here. I mean, does she ever show any thanks for your help? Take you for a coffee?

And p.p.s. Lecturers do notice who turns up for lectures. At least, I do! I also notice the ones who are always late due to bad train connections, but manage miraculously to find the time to get their cafe latte en route from the late train .