Ok, back story, almost 2 months ago I moved 350miles away from my ex with my then-18-month-old daughter.
He hasn't visited us yet - but is coming to stay (in our house) for a week, next week. I can handle having him here, I'm in my own home (not a shared space) so I feel like I can be strong in the face of the controlling, blackmailing behaviour that caused me to leave in the first place, my worries lie with my daughter.
To start with, she knows who her daddy is (as much as a child of this age can), we have 'video calls' on the laptops (whenever he asks for one, roughly once every 10 days) we have pictures up in the house of him, and them together, I talk with her about Daddy coming, and things she used to do with Daddy, she is receptive and recognises him in pictures/on screen.
The problem lies with her developmental stage and behaviour, since we've been here she had developed so much, she has started walking (late walker), and become much more boisterous, active, inquisitive and challenging - which I love, but her behaviour needs more management than it used to when he used to look after her - she now has tantrums occasionally, can willfully misbehave, and does need to be told 'no' and have boundaries reinforced - not in a sadistic way but so she feels secure.
Ex-H plays with DD in a very certain way, even when she was 18m he would play with her as if she was 7m old - he'd lie on the floor, with her sitting, and wave toys in her face, he treated her like a baby, and when she isn't being 'cute' or playing how he wants to, he loses interest, slinks off to watch tv. This will sound like me being very mean, but this is what I've witnessed - he treats her like a toy - to be played with when wanted but left when not.
He is a very 'horizontal' person, (lies on the sofa/floor etc when awake), doesnt do running around or active things, doesn't do messy play/paint/playdough etc, wants her to play in a very contained way (i.e. in front of him on the floor, with small books and rattle type toys) - she would just about tolerate this a few months ago, but now she is so much more 'toddler' - if you see what I mean!
I'm terrified of how he will deal with (or not deal with) her more toddler-like behaviour, she can be and sometimes is naughty, and needs to be told no. I dont think he will bother, as it would mean confronting difficult behaviour, i.e. she wants a DVD on but its bedtime, she screams for it, he'll just give, as its easier than saying no and seeing it through. Its how he was raised, his parents spoilt him rotten (very long back story). I love my DD to bits, but she is a cheeky little character, with bags of personality, and is very willfull and pretty stubborn, it IS hard work managing her behaviour sometimes, I've had to work hard to establish boundaries and a routine that keeps her feeling secure. Ex-H doesn't 'do' routines, he does what he wants with his daughter when he wants to do it (again, long back story, short example -he had her overnight once while I recovered from a stomach bug -she goes to bed at 6:30pm, he kept her up until 11pm, because he wanted to play with her, and didn't want her to wake him up early the next day)
In a nutshell, I'm worried that he will waltz in, over-ride all the routine-building, behaviour management work I've done, then bugger off home and leave me to pick up the pieces.
AIBU to be worried?