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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist my husband goes to see a doctor?

37 replies

gotothedoctor · 27/12/2010 06:51

dh and I have had a dry spell. We are now starting to get our sex life up and running again.

4 times we have tried recently.

Twice he has failed to get an errection.
Once he did manage it but we were interrupted and he went to sleep before we could settle ds and try again.
Last night was the best effort yet and he actually got close to ejaculation, but then lost his errection.

It isn't normal to lose an errection halfway through sex is it?

I am being very supportive and loving about it.

He SWEARS there are no other issues he isn't telling me.

He says it is because...
... he is out of practice
... he is a bit unfit (not particularly true)
... he is a bit nervous
... it's just one of those things

All of which is fair enough, but I still think he should talk to a doctor.

OP posts:

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/12/2010 18:22

How old are your children?

and do you ever attempt sex with them cared for elsewhere i.e. not in the house.

DH took a VERY long time to get useed to the idea and even now things are sometimes very quick as he is aware of their being in the house (occupied by the tv . \

It may be worth seeing the GP as bells are rionging somewhere deep down in my brain that erectile dsyfunction/ libido issues can be indicitive of other problems (I think it was cardiac but I can't remember for sure...so don't quote me on that)

expatinscotland · 27/12/2010 18:30

It's not a waste of the doctor's time to go see him if he's a reasonably fit, youngish man who doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs is not a homosexual and can't get or maintain an erection!

It can be indicative of a number of health conditions.

GibbyS · 27/12/2010 19:05

You could try going to Relate for counselling, as this is potentially an on-going difference in sex drives, which needs dealing with as a relationship issue. Relate are used to talking about this sort of issue and can help you get him to see a doctor if necessary.

blinks · 27/12/2010 19:10

could be a sign of poss depression? definitely needs a check up to rule out anything clinical.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2010 21:18

You really need to rule out medical cause before anything else.

In my BIL, he turned out to be Type II diabetic.

Yes, his untreated condition was affecting his erectile function.

amijee · 27/12/2010 21:32

If his libido is also affected, it could be that he is depressed without even realising it.

The other thing is - how old are your kids? Would staying away for a night every now and again help?

Viagra will only help if you have an erection to start with - it will not manufacture an erection.

I think you both need to see a pychosexual counseller - either privately, through relate or through your GP.

HarderToKidnap · 27/12/2010 23:49

My husband had blood tests to check hormone levels and to check thyroid, diabetes etc. Then referral for counselling (they put him in touch with Relate) and a script for Viagra. We haven't had an incident for a while now and we have sex about five times a week. However, with my DH it is all in his mind and I have no doubt it will rear its head again although the counselling is helping get to the bottom of the anxiety/insecurity stuff which makes it happen and the Viagra is a security blanket - having it there, knowing he can take it if it doesn't work, seems to relieve the pressure and he doesn't need it!

differentnameforthis · 28/12/2010 00:03

With everything else you have posted, I think it would be worth a trip to the dr.

How you get him to do that, I don't know!

BitOfFun · 28/12/2010 00:13

I think the issue is his lack of desire rather than 'performance'. It's common enough to have erection difficulties with low intimacy and interruptions etc.

The bigger issue is why he doesn't feel like it in general, not in the specific circumstances you describe.

Perhaps a referral for sex therapy (which I guess you could ask for if he won't) would help?

magichen · 11/04/2011 22:50

gotothedoctor did you ever find out what the problem was?

FabbyChic · 11/04/2011 23:27

Its psychological not medical.

He feels like he has to perform, he doesn't want to but is trying to for your sake.

Maybe he would be better referred to a sex therapist. This isn't about his lack of erection it is about the fact that he isn't interested in sex at all unless pushed.

Goodynuff · 12/04/2011 04:06

Given all that you have said, going to the doctor makes sense. No one on here knows if it is medical or not, as we don't have copies of his recent blood work, bp, etc
It could be psychological. It could be medical. Start with your gp, make an appointment to go in together, and just say you are concerend about ED. 40% over forty suffer from it. It really isn't that big of a deal. If the gp can't help, then consider taking it further.
All the best

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